I have always been a dreamer, I believe in God although I do not like that word, and put Buddha next to Jesus every Christmas in our cheesy nativity set. Heaven and hell already exist on earth, I play Mario on my son Max's DS on a regular basis, and my husband got diagnosed with Stage III B-Cell Follicular Aggressive Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma - five days before our second son was born in May 2008. He thought it was a torn stomach muscle, ended up having six months of intensive chemotherapy where all his hair fell out and I tried to pretend I didn't love him so it wouldn't hurt so much but I did and always will. He is in remission. Yesterday morning he stood in our kitchen, looked me in the eyes, and announced he will never get cancer again. I've decided to believe him.
I am a stepmother as well. *insert evil cackle here*
My real dad died of alcoholism in 1984, then my stepdad killed himself in 1988. I had a really shitty childhood and thought that once I escaped to Sydney when I was eighteen, the world would magically become a bright and happy place. It did, but it took a lot of substances to get there. Then it was hell. Then I made a fresh start and had children and got married, and I really truly thought my life would settle down and it would be all smooth sailing, but you know, CANCER.
I did IVF to get my second son, Rocco.
I go to recovery meetings, which continually save my arse. I hope I don't ever think I don't need to go anymore.
I used to be terrified of the dentist, but I conquered that fear. Only seven thousand more fears to conquer til I die!
I think I'm fantastic, but also have copious amounts of self-loathing. Bono calls that "being right in the middle of a contradiction." During the 2006 U2 concert Bono held my hand. Which means that anything is possible, in this life. Anything.
Having my first son broke my heart open and all this love came streaming out and for the first time since I remembered, I didn't want to be dead anymore.
Having my second son broke my heart open and all this fear and terror came out.
Life totally sucks random arse, sometimes.
I love all of the people in my family. They can teach me things every day, if I let them.
I blog because I like it. Simple as that. It's free. It's like, this teeny corner of the Universe where I made something from nothing. I have been blogging for four years .... my first blog documented my IVF process, subsequent pregnancy, and then my husbands cancer fiasco.
I travelled to New York in August 2010 to attend America's biggest blogging conference, BlogHer .. where I met some of my best friends for the first time. I was a BlogHer Voice of the Year. I ate a lot of burgers.
I went again in August 2011 ... this time, I spoke. It was like, a dream. I think my blogging career peaked - I'm a has-been now.
I have been a writer since I was 8 and three quarters. I'd like to write a "proper" book one day. Not sure how. Maybe it's like writing a blog, except the posts are chapters? I'm too scared to write my biography. My husband says "Just do it, hon!" Like it's that easy.
It probably is that easy.
I need to stop plucking my chinhairs in the rear view mirror in my car, but the lighting is spectacular.
Life is too short to iron. Once, I dug the iron out from the laundry ... Max was four years old. He said, "Mummy! What IS that thing?"
I have five tattoos and want more, got my drivers license at the age of thirty, and swear way too much.
Some of my best friends live in Blogland.
Hey this is fun. I could go on for HOURS. But won't.
I will probably edit this at some stage.
The End.
(Actually, it really is just the beginning. That shit's exciting.)
The testosterone gang:
This was snapped in 2010. My husband Dave is holding Rocco, then two. Tim is 18 with his arm around an 8 year old Max. Do you have any idea how many farts I have to live with?
(DISCLOSURE: Most of the farts I have to live with are mine.)
