Friday, 2 February 2018

Nuts And Berries? No.



I didn't learn much at the schools I went to .. something about mitochondria? Something else about how the Industrial Revolution changed things. Pythagorus theorem. Also how to count to thirty in German.

One morning in History/Geography class in year seven, we were learning about prehistoric man. After I'd gotten in trouble from Mr Patrick for singing the Captain Caveman theme song ... I actually listened for a bit while he droned on about how the men would go out every day and hunt, the men this the men that blah. Shooting my hand up, I asked what did the women do? I knew Mr Patrick didn't like me but it was a legit question.

"The women would gather nuts and berries. Or take care of the babies."

NUTS AND BERRIES?! I was seriously outraged. "Nuts and berries?"

"Yes Eden, nuts and berries."

"Well if that was me I'd be out hunting with knives I wouldn't be picking nuts and berries."

Some of the kids in class were getting the shits because I was holding up the lesson so I shut up. At lunchtime some of the boys came up to me, mimicking what I'd said.

"Ohhh, not nuts and BERRIES. My name is Eden and I don't eat nuts."

I stood up, said no I don't eat nuts I kick them and I kicked the closest boy fair dinkum straight in the ballsack. He called me a fucking bitch and walked off.

After that if any boy asked what colour pubes I had ... or if they groped my boob, or teased one of my friends - I'd kick them in the balls. One boy at school kept a running tally on how many girls vaginas he'd grab as they walked past him. I waited and waited until he did it to me and when he eventually did I kicked him so hard he cried and I had to go to the office to explain myself to the assistant principal.

I don't really condone violence but I also don't condone fucking with very feisty females.

These days it feels like I'm feisty on behalf of all the females who aren't feisty. Yet.



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