After Love. (Thank you to the drunken cocksucker who smashed my rear view mirror last night. You taught me something.)

Two seconds past midnight I gave my nine and a half year old son Rocco the biggest hug and said "Hey mate we haven't made any mistakes this year! Or told any lies! Or hurt anybody!" He's long used to me talking like that since that's the only way I can talk and he just hugged me back, so hard. He loves me.

Some cocksucker who obviously had blue balls or some shit smashed the passenger side mirror on my car last night and I was ALMOST as cranky as uncle Stevie. I went with uncle Stevie to the copshop this morning because he had to report. He's out on bail for daring to grow medicinal cannabis plants ... which are the only thing that gives his two daughters pain relief for their chronic Crohns Disease and Ulcerative Colitis. According to the law in Australia he's a criminal, according to everybody in his life who truly knows and loves him he is the most pure, caring and good-hearted man. (Meanwhile white Australia started with convicts and let's all worship Chopper Read in the new Underbelly.)

Hey you know how I moved house? Well it's a beautiful magic house with the best energy and jeez when my life changes it changes quick like ZZZZZTTTTT. I haven't written here before about how I easily go into bipolar psychosis and freak out about what's real and what's not real. Are you real? What is real? Rocco had an oral presentation last year in class and he read out that beautifulest passage from The Velveteen Rabbit when the toys talk about what being real is. He did so well he got a Principals Award for it at school assembly. The award is at his dads house - I want it to be at my house on the fridge because I am the word person of the family and though my three sons may have a thoroughly crazy mother she be SMART.

We went swimming at Glenbrook Pool today and I dived straight in. "Mum you never do that you would always stay on the sand when we were at the beach house" and I said sweetheart everything is different now.

Everything is different now.

Thank you cocksucker who broke my mirror because it's a huge reminder on the first day of the new year to just stop looking back. I find it so very difficult to not live in the past.

Probably the most favourite thing about my new rented house is the aqua splashback in the kitchen. Pictured here is the Goddess print my cousin Karen gave me on my 21st sitting next to my grandmothers sugar bowl.

Nan always made life sweet.

So. I just had to write a new post for a new year. I hope you're getting through ok ... this year I got a lot to say.

That poem at the top of this blog post - how good is it. I had it saved in my computer under "loveafterlove" and when I went searching to upload it here I mistakenly uploaded the file in my computer simply called "love." Want to see that one? It made me good-cry.

Dan J Daley was one of the best friends I will ever have in this lifetime and he died last year and it's been hard to go to my very best friend Megan for support around it because he was her husband. And he loved me .... he was a guy and I'm a chick but there was never ever any hint of inappropriateness in mine and Dan's friendship. Just a kinship. I'm taking Megan to the Foo Fighters concert in Brisbane in a few weeks and Dave Grohl will be alerted to the fact of how big a fan Dan was.

Christmas sucked another massive dick last year but Max gave me the latest Eminem album and Rocco gave me a plant that cost $39.95 from Katoomba Hardware and my eldest Tim sent me a happy new year text at 12.10am this morning.

One of the last things I believe in in this life is love. And I'm loved. Thank fuck or else I wouldn't have made it through.

xx