Friday, 13 October 2017

YOUR DA SELLS AVON ... I'm In Scotland What Will I Do?

Flew to Scotland, panicked BAD in Glasgow airport toilet, got it together, stood in the rain and chose a hotel called "HOTEL Z" purely because of the "Zed's dead, baby" part of Pulp Fiction.

Feeling a bit heavy and stressed like this guy except he looks like he's sulking. I'm not sulking, I'm just Panic McStressorty from WTF did I do now.

Tell you what I didn't do: eat this.

... just held it towards me like an offal weiner.

Staying around the corner from this lion lying' around. Is not that golden sword the best tattoo idea EVER!?!

Seriously - a lot of me is homesick but I was sick of home which is why I came, had to get away, now I wish I was back, etc. I'll go to Edinburgh soon and find Nessie. Or a red-haired Scot Viking holy CRAP ... it's like Eminem in that video clip with a thousand clones and he's rapping:

".. and there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
who just don't give a fuck like me
who dress like me
Walk, talk and act like me
it just might be the next best thing
But not quite me."

I walk, look, and carry myself like most Scots. Upright, same bone structure, same attitude. I belong here. My father was William James Barrie born here in Glasgow in the 30's. Apparently he was a paratrooper in the Red Berets .. trying to find out more info on that, any ideas?


Literally an hour after I arrived I went to the library. Soothing. Hi Megan.

Today I'm forcing myself even more out of my comfort zone - yesterday I tried to get a red double-decker bus but I couldn't understand the guy so quickly walked away. Walked up to Central Station, looked at the train timetable, couldn't get on a train to save my life. Walked back forlorn - looked down. It's ok, Scottish Guardian Angels exist too.

Then I did what anybody in my position would do - got a manicure, obvs. Headed back to my hotel, cried, ate two juiciest nectarines ever while hunched over the garbage bin and the juice ran all the way down my face and I didn't wipe it off until I'd finished both.

It's the Viking way.

It's now 5.30am I WILL CONQUER TODAY IF IT KILLS ME. Which it will but it's cool because the sun keeps rising, regardless.


SPEAKING OF EMINEM - you all know how rap battles work yeah? Marshall Bruce Mathers III turns 45 on Tuesday oh and he's now the President of the United States.

"In the video, he’s looking directly into the camera—and into their eyes—as he raps.

“If you can't decide who you like more and you're split
On who you should stand beside, 
I'll do it for you with this: 
Fuck you.” 

This is Eminem wielding his privilege as a weapon, taking on the president in the culture war he’s currently waging against the progressive majority. His freestyle is remarkable in that it’s relatively unique among music’s white superstars. Fewer than you’d think have spoken out so publicly against the horrors of this administration, let alone called out their Trump-supporting fans on record. If we’re lucky, he’ll inspire other successful mainstream musicians to consider confronting their fans over what they believe. Either way, it was worth the effort." - Piece by Pitchfork


PS Ok time to go almost at the bridge. THEY KNOW WHAT A FLAT WHITE IS HERE!!
PPS Scotland is its own country. Just so you know. (I googled it.)

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