Recently I defended someone who was about to be bashed up, this person didn't deserve to be bashed up so I inserted myself in the middle of the mayhem and got threatened with a steel pole, wasn't til later I noticed the knife stuck on the end with masking tape lol. How the fuck am I supposed to tell people that? I can't. Anyway luckily I escaped unharmed but I just don't like injustice in the world, always root for the underdog even when it's not my circus not my monkeys.
My sons are going overseas soon for a holiday to Turkey, Singapore, then Greece. Apparently I mean who cares about telling "the mother" the exact flight itinerary? All I'm saying is I've wanted to go to Greece for a year now for the express purpose of sussing out the Syrian refugee issue over there. Whatever. I think "Jeez I need a holiday too" so I google "volunteer in orphanages overseas" or some shit but that's not a holiday. That'd sap my life-force ffs why do I still think I can save the world at this point? Side-note: if my sons get killed in a terrorist attack in the name of allah or jesus or zeuss I will rain down vengeance. I'll fly over there, buy a gun on the black market, stick it up my pussy and kill any motherfucker who kills my children.
My mental health is Down. The. Toilet. Realising that maybe this is good as it gets like Jack said. My head keeps gravitating towards all the things that broke me and it's not healthy.
I got contacted by the filthy piece of shit who blackmailed me two years ago and if he contacts me again I will go to the police do you understand arsehole? I'll take you down. Not in the mood. You stole so much from me but thank you for making me aware of the fact that there are people in the world who ACTIVELY MANIPULATE OTHER PEOPLE. I didn't know this. Now I do.
I got sentenced to two years jail but it got suspended and if I do one, one thing wrong I will go directly to jail not stopping at go. Am seeing my parole officer today and she's told me I must comply with seeing my therapist but at this point - no. I've been in therapy since I was 19 it either has worked or hasn't worked. My therapists get this weird fascination with me and I don't like it, sometimes I feel like offering them popcorn as they listen to the explosive shocking details of my life. No. I'm not going.
I miss my brother, I miss my friend Dan, my father and two stepfathers are DED and sometimes it all overwhelms me in my brain and it feels like I'm on a roller coaster of death horror. Yesterday I was getting refills of all my prescriptions and I told my GP my new motto is "What would Carrie Fisher do?" He laughed, so did I, but it's true. Carrie Fisher is my higher power.
Like Eminem says it's apparent I shouldn't have been a parent but mistakes were made. Uncle Stevie said to me last night "Look your sons will grow up and just go yep ... I had a tripper mum." #asgoodasitgets
In conclusion, I'd prefer mania than the filth down down I been feeling for a few years now. I worry that when I'm manic people think I'm on drugs, I'm not, I'm just bipolar manic. I used to think a bipolar diagnosis was a crock of shit, not any more. Yesterday I took Rocco to the hospital to get all of my medical records pertaining to all the mental health admissions I've had IT IS HIGHLY EMBARRASSING TO BE THIS FUCKED UP. We walked into the mental health ward, it felt good to be a visitor. Rocco wanted to play the ping pong table, I had to say no.
Life is so lifey. I don't get it. Maybe one day when we die we'll be all AHHHHHH, I GET IT NOW. Maybe we won't. It's a wild world out there .. it's seems to be getting real uncertain and scary. But don't kill yourselves, we'll reach the end eventually. Besides you'll miss out on your ending and it might be a really good ending so you have to stick around to find out.
BEST LYRICS EVER. Harley Quinn is me, I am her.
(Comments off.)
