Monday, 19 June 2017

I'm pretty sure Jeanswest has photoshopped my face into their latest campaign without my permission? And now they owe me half a million dollars.

Ok so ... apparently I'm in the new Jeanswest ad? Except I don't remember the photoshoot, maybe I was in a drunken blackout at the time except I don't drink? Or I have a doppleganger like Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap when she was cute and adorable before the drugs took hold?

Call me crazy (ha because I am but that's beside the point lol dot com) ... but is this me? Bottom left hand corner? Complete with stupid pout and finger pose?

The most disturbing thing about this photo is that my phone battery is on a mere ten percent, giving me a high alert panic station ... but let's zoom in, SHALL WE??


It's me I mean who else has such a cauliflower nose? Frankly I want to take the pic to a hairdresser and get my hair done like that because it's kind of awesome but that's not the real issue here. So, Jeanswest ... I'm putting you on notice and issuing you an ultimatum. Prove that that red-haired woman with the tuckshop fat arm kind of squished like that .. is not me. Show me a picture of the model who posed for that photo - but I don't think you can because YOU HAVE APPEARED TO PHOTOSHOP ME INTO THE PICTURE. Thank you to sharp-eyed reader Emma who found this pic on Insta and sent to me. Congratulating me on the photoshoot I never participated in. There's a few things to consider here:

1) I'm giving you free publicity.

2) I have four repeat four lawyers phone numbers in my handy dandy mobile phone because I've been in a LOT of legal issues the past few years but one of those numbers is a shit-hot criminal lawyer in Sydney who I'm pretty sure will take on the case even though last time we spoke I yelled at him and hung up because I am an angry angry woman.

3) The world doesn't like angry angry women. I'm not angry about this I'm finding it quite amusing but come on. You've erased the moles from my face, I've grown those moles for 45 years. You've hurt my moles feelings.

4) My fee for appearing in your ad is half a million dollars. Also I demand the clothes I'm apparently wearing in the pic because I DO like that jumper but did you have to put the pinky finger up to my face like Austin fricken Powers?


5) As well as my half a million dollars fee you owe me another half a million dollars for damages. Ok I'm already damaged but you have allegedly used my likeness without permission.

6) For many years now, my shit has been ripped off - my ideas, my blog posts, etc. A woman from a very well known news outlet once accidentally cc'd me into an email which went a little something like this:

"Follow Eden's blog writing closely, monitor what she writes. Lift her ideas and re-write them as our own." I did reply to this woman who never replied back even though my reply was hilarious because I don't really care especially at the moment I'm just trying to stay alive and hopeful in a hopeless world.

7) Please respond to this website entry by close of business today or you're going to owe me ANOTHER half a million dollars just for the hell of it. And I technically have no business hours because I'm not a business but let's make it 10pm. Ok midnight.

My son Rocco doesn't think this is a pic of me but I do and I've now pulled out the big guns by sending the pics to my mother for verification. My mum knows what's up, she gave birth to that face as well as the rest of my body. So Jeanswest, I've dobbed on you to my mum omg you guys are in so much trouble if you can't prove this isn't me.

Lastly, here's me right now on the morning of 19th June 2017 recreating the dumb pose. Pic taken by my 9yro son who STILL doesn't believe it's me, whose side are you on, ROCCO?!

                                                THE REAL SLIM SHADY

                              THE ALLEGED PHOTOSHOPPED FAKE SLIM SHADY

Nobody puts photoshopped Eden in a corner. Balls in your court, Jeanswest. (Balls lol.) This is not a joke. Eagerly awaiting your response to this utter travesty of justice. (Serious I want money for this shit because I've been threatened with eviction quite a few times this past year and I need cold hard cash. Hard lol.)




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