Sunday, 26 March 2017

We Should All Wear The World Like A Loose Garment But It's Hard When You Keep Getting Dealt The Shittiest Cards In The Universe.

Hi I'm currently working on writing the biggest shit I've ever written in my life but I have to keep stopping because it's so full on even for me. All that's pushed to the side because my friend and her family is today dealing with the most horrific traumatic shit and she's all I can think about. Why do some people go through SO MUCH CRAP in their lives and other people ... well, other people jus don't seem to? I don't understand. Her trauma is so bad but she has to get through and she will because there is no other option. I'll go visit her in a few weeks after the hectic horrendous whirlwind of planning and people and flowers and all of the utter shit that comes with it is over and you're just left with the quiet. I'm the shittest shit of a friend in so many ways but man when trauma/crisis/horrendous life situations crop up for the people I love, I'm so good at helping people through it because I know and understand. Text my mum today .. "I tell you what mum, when our people go through serious shit .. how good are we to be there for them?" My mum came up to stay last week it was so good to see her.

I hate that my kids have a mother with bipolar disorder and I hate that I got diagnosed so late in my life after the mass confusion hell I caused and fuck yeah I'm taking all my meds but guess what it doesn't cure it. I understand so much now, I get the whole Jung/dark side/know yourself stuff but it's a little too late and I wouldn't speak to me either.

Wish I could talk to Carrie Fisher but she's part of the Force now. So today instead of crying for me I'm crying for my best friend and all the tumultuous mess ahead. Why are coffins so expensive when the silver handles are fake silver anyway? Death, like weddings .. are a rort. Waste of money. Easier to be like other cultures and burn our loved ones in a fiery pyre, all majestic-like.

I get through nights that I can't get through. I'm not going anywhere and neither is my gorgeous cookie friend. She's the Felix to my Oscar. Sent her a stupid video text today because I say all the right things to somebody who's going through all the wrong things. Told her I didn't know which one of us holds the Most Fucked Traumatic Shit Family Gold Cup .. it's probably a tie. Which is saying something.

Nevertheless, we all persisted. One day we will all be free. It's Sunday and this binge-watching of Shameless isn't going to watch itself now is it? Some days we're out there conquering the world, some days we sit at home on the couch pretending we're part of the couch because couches don't feel. I'd still prefer to feel than be numb or robotic or asleep like a lot of people. No shade - I'm just woke. I prefer my people woke with a side of fucked and a chaser of custard tart.

Hold on, people who realise you need to hold on. It'll all end eventually, isn't that relieving?

My cookie staunch girl, you been there for me so much these past few years I'm so, so glad I'm here for you now. I'm right here, soon I'll be right there next to you wearing grey hoodies on the couch again. Go to bed your soul is exhausted. You got this, and when you don't ... which you won't .. I got it for you. Watch this shit - you're Yelawolf because obviously I'm Eminem but we both got Proof.

PS LIFE IS SO FUCKING INANE AND CONFUSING AND STUPID.


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