Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Just Random Shit, You Guys.

I plucked a grey nipple hair but we'll get to that later.

Fuck there's dark shit in me. I've read that terrible people awaken the terrible parts of ourselves but I'm probably the terrible person who's awakened the terrible parts of other people. You know how you read all the inspirational quotes like "People have been so mean and awful but you're amazing?" Umm newsflash - that's so not the case in many ways ... sometimes we are the mean arseholes who need to look at ourselves and do better.

I've got a massive headache today but I've got to stay away from the codeine because codeine. Can't believe how it's so readily available over the counter here in Australia - it's not like that in America at all. A lot of people die from complications of legal pharmaceuticals. Someone should do something.

Oh my god so many nights this past year (years? MY WHOLE LIFE?) ... I've wailed and crumbled and shouted at god and can't feel any guardian angels and wonder what was so bad about me that people treated me like shit when I was trying to grow up. Reminding myself yet again not to use that as an excuse to have all the self-pity but seriously. Lately my Uncle Steve has phoned me at night when it's the worst and just laughing and talking and crying has helped in so many ways. He doesn't judge me that I'm a total fucked loser with no job and I'm honest with him instead of pretending. It's vital as fuck to feel not alone. His three daughters are my cousins but actually sisters really.

I'm glad I live in a block of flats because it feels like a hotel and I can hear other people talking and fucking and shouting and I feel part of it. I'm SO sorry to the couple who live underneath my apartment because I always forget to take my boots off, I'm so LOUD. Sometimes I drop both remote controls onto the floor at 2am when I can't sleep and don't want to take Seroquel but have to anyway otherwise I can't sleep. The remotes CLUNK onto my wooden floorboards and I say out loud but quietly - "I am so sorry downstairs people." 

I'm driving this cute little shitbox car which I got ripped off when I had to trade it in for rent money. The first month I was all, but, where's my sunroof? HOW DO I REVERSE PARK WITH NO REVERSE PARK CAMERA? How do I know where to drive with no GPS? For years I've been living life with "stuff" that I took for granted .. but I was never a spendy wife (ok except for cowboy boots) and after everything I saw on World Vision trips overseas in African refugee camps? I came back more changed each time, feeling like a complete arsehole for everything I have and take for granted. Always will. Good.

I got one CD in my car - Beyonce. When I get sick of it I tune into the radio, how SHIT is commercial radio? Listening to Kyle Sandilands who was having this rant about how revolting chin hairs are on women. Jackie O was doing her usual bullshit half-hearted placating and said it was normal but he said chin hairs on women were disgusting and he could never be with a woman who had chin hairs so I'd like Kyle to know that I have chin hairs AND I'm a strong woman who wouldn't fuck him if I got paid 20k which is enough to buy a newish car with a reverse camera. Which I don't want. And Kyle ... not only did I pluck a nipple hair the other week, but that nipple hair was grey as fuck. I inspected it in the bright sunshine of my bathroom. And didn't care - isn't growing older supposed to be a gift?

I'm turning comments off this site indefinitely - dunno why. Most things don't have a reason. I never blogged for comments anyway ... Siri what is blog anymore? Swear to god if I had a dollar every time someone used me or my platform or my contacts to build themselves up and be successful online and earn money, I'd have a couple of hundred bucks. No shade - just observing.

I'm on Facebook a lot - I know, Facebook blows but it's there and it's good when you cut through all the crap and connect and laugh with people.

That's it, it's all I got. Keep trucking, regardless. My brothers birthday is coming up and I REFUSE TO GET OVERWHELMED BY IT. There's two guys out there whose birthdays are so much more important - I know this for a fact, I was there. The actual birthing portal time machine, that's what I was. Still am - irregardless. And irregardless isn't even a real word.

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