Tuesday, 13 October 2015

You Took It All, But I'm Still Breathing.

This is my anthem of 2015. God it's been a year .. and it's still going.

Do you have an anthem, to blast in your car over and over so loud your ears hurt so you turn the volume up more? Have you ever had your heart cracked open on jagged rocks in a sea so black and stormy you thought the crashing waves would never, ever stop? Ever been ignored and betrayed to the point of almost losing all faith in human nature? Ever had all of your sins hung out on the washing line for the entire world to see but you can't complain because you're the one who hung them out to begin with?

I read recently that the human heart is the only thing whose worth increases the more it is broken. That's a stupid fucked up quote, why does life have to be so difficult for some of us and not for others, and who wants to buy my heart it's worth a billion dollars?

Ever walked outside at night to take the garbage out and looked up at the night sky to realise there is so much more to this world than you will ever know and you wish you could find out but you don't know how and if we're all so connected why are so many of us so lonely in crowded rooms?

Ever give a stranger money just because they asked for it and you didn't even care what they used the money for you just wanted to give anyway? Ever laid in a fetal position on one side of a king side bed breathless from crying and thinking you could never, ever get up again and convinced yourself that nobody in the whole world could ever feel the intense pain you were feeling right at that moment ... that your pain is unique, that there must be something wrong with you, that you may actually die from the pain?

Ever sent somebody you love so deeply a text because you were so worried about them and they never read your text because they were already in the morgue and their phone would have beeped at the police station?

Ever had a newborn baby placed into your arms and had a full Spiritual transformation in 0.03 of a second and promised to yourself you would love this baby forever and ever and never ever let this baby down and always be there for this baby then suddenly this baby is a teenager and you wonder if they will ever know how much you truly love them?

Ever laughed so hard you wet your pants, just a little bit? Because sometimes people are SO FUNNY and generous and warm and loving and in that moment you laugh so much a little bit of wee escapes as a testament to the pure joy of being in the moment with other people and feeling thoroughly free?

Ever hated someone so much you wanted to kill their dog and burn their house down? Ever roller skated down a hill over and over again with red and white boots lace-up roller-skates and never not once wore a helmet and fell over so many times and always nearly got hit by cars but you loved it because it was so dangerous?

Ever really lived? Ever really lost? Ever moved on? Ever stayed stagnant and wasted your entire existence? Ever got so pissed off at your neighbours green green grass that you spray-painted yours bright pink and threw glitter all over it just for good measure because there are no real rules in life and you can do whatever the hell you want?

Ever been so shy and beat down you could hardly talk but then grew up and stood up and carried more power in your voice and you just wonder shit am I even *allowed* to have this much power in my voice?

Ever wanted to die? Ever looked at freight trains going the opposite way and cried for no reason? Ever read a little boy a book about trying, trying, trying again? Ever looked up at your Angels and said "You better protect him. You owe me." And the Angels let you down so you're all fuck you Angels and the wings you rode in on.

Ever thought nobody in the world could think the things you do, feel the things you do, want the things you want? Did you ever realise we are more alike and wounded and hurt and beautiful than we could ever admit to each other? Ever know what it's like to be a warrior?

This is my anthem of 2015. God, it's been a year. It's still going.





I was born in a thunderstorm 
I grew up overnight 
I played alone .. I'm playing on my own 
I survived 

Hey I wanted everything I never had 
Like the love that comes with light 
I wore envy and I hated that 
But I survived 

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go 
Where the wind don't change 
And nothing in the ground can ever grow 
No hope, just lies 
And you're taught to cry in your pillow 
But I'll survive 

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing

I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

I found solace in the strangest place 
Way in the back of my mind I saw my life in a stranger's face 
And it was mine 

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go 
Where the wind don't change 
And nothing in the ground can ever grow 
No hope, just lies 
And you're taught to cry in your pillow 
But I survived 

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing

You took it all, but I'm still breathing  
You took it all, but I'm still breathing
You took it all, but I'm still breathing
You took it all, but I'm still breathing

I had made every single mistake 
That you could ever possibly make 
I took and I took and I took what you gave 
But you never noticed that I was in pain 
I knew what I wanted; I went in and got it 

Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't 
I told you that I would never be forgotten 
I know that's part of you 
And I'm still breathing 
I'm still breathing 
I'm still breathing 
I'm still breathing 
I'm alive 

(You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 
(You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 
I'm alive (You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 
(You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 
I'm alive (You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 
(You took it out, but I'm still breathing) 

I'm alive 
I'm alive 
I'm alive
I'm alive

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