edenland: Street Talk: Alfie The Pourer

Friday, 23 August 2013

Street Talk: Alfie The Pourer

I often wonder why I still blog. Six years on and I still do it, still come here and write bits and pieces. It's a strange thing, really. Blogging keeps me connected to the world - for example right now in a hospital Quiet Room after special permission from the doc. Blogging taught me how to write. Slowly but surely, I "turned up at the page" as Julia Cameron would say and I'd just write and write until I found something there in the words - me. I found me.

The best blogs I love are ones whose owners tell stories just for the sake of it. No agenda. I received an email this week by Alfie over in America who I'd never had any previous engagement with but she reads my blog and decided to email me. As I read her words I smiled and then I laughed, right there in the hospital kiosk. What is it about some people who just pour things out and just really make you feel good? That must be it - the pouring. Alfie just poured out an email to me and it resonated so much. I love it.

I like sharing and connecting and being serious and funny and real. Good stuff as well as hard. Here's Alfie's email - I changed her name but she's letting me post her words here with her blessing. Thanks, Alfie. And man I'd love to eat greasy pizza with you one day at 2pm in pyjamas. (It'd have to be when I'm about 58, after the kids leave home. xx)

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Hi Eden. I like you a lot because you encourage me, both in general and in the way of accepting more chocolates and lattes into my life. I'm a schoolteacher with students Max's age.

I've gone to The Crazy Doctor for about a year because what was done to me as a child by other children made it very hard to believe that I'll still matter to anyone if I'm not perfect. Just admitting that took months of sessions. So I am really encouraged by the way you call it like it is. This school year: six brand new subjects to teach, including drama which means plays after school, and my tenure gets decided. Scared and nervous yet SO PROUD that I've learned that stress doesn't mean I'm not good enough. It took a lot of hard work.

My weird boyfriend with PTSD from his time in the military asked me for a 'break' over the phone hours before we were supposed to celebrate the end of summer at the movies...the night before I went back for planning days. "We're stressing each other out so much, won't you feel better if you have a week to reevaluate?" UM NO ARSEHOLE I HAVE LAMINATING TO DO.

So it's a huge accomplishment that I am able to say, "WOW that was wanky timing" instead of "Oh God, everything I do is shit and I'm shit and I have to try harder to not mess up or everything will fall apart."

Last year there were a lot of pizzas ordered by delivery in my pajamas at 2 in the afternoon and cry sessions in the parking lot of WalMart, but the path leads somewhere even if it takes a long unglamorous time.

At roundup last night the weirdest kids who are the scaredest about going into 7th grade snuck around to find their classrooms and I was still in there farting around trying to make the place look homey. I said, Oh my gosh, hi! You get to be in my class! Go check it out in there, it's a mess! Are you excited? Scared? Both! That's normal. You don't look scared at all. I'm glad we'll get to know each other! One kid picked up a weird ass popup book about pirates I thought no one would like and said COOOL.

The circle of life doesn't fuck around. Love to you Eden. Thank you for your honesty.

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Basically Alfie is the COOLEST TEACHER EVER. I wish she was teaching Max next year.