Tuesday, 14 May 2013


I've been lighting fires, even when it's not that cold.

                                        It just feels so good 

I love having just the right amount of kindling and the bigger stuff. I like making it rage until everybody complains we're living in a sauna.

We did indeed go see mum for Mothers Day. I taught her the correct way to unwrap the aluminium foil on a chicken and blackbean burrito. Mum gave Rocco something he has been harping, hankering for, for months now.


We paid a mere twenty thousand dollars for our tickets and drinks to go to the movies and see Ironman III.

The drive home was long. Traffic backed up. It doesn't take much to freak me out these days, but I was as patient as could be. Max asked me if I could stop and buy him a box of TWENTY chicken nuggets from the golden arches.

"I promise I'll eat them mum. You watch ... I'm starving."

I thought about getting home late and preparing dinner - so the arches it was. We had to wait in the waiting bay while they cooked them. Lady came over, gave them to me. I handed them to Max who had a funny look on his face and said,

"Mum. You may want to ..... close your window."

I closed it, absentmindedly thinking he didn't like the breeze but then hang on - there is no breeze. I turned to look at him, holding his ginormous box, looking at me all worried. At that moment, I knew. I KNEW ... there was a huntsman spider on the car.

I have arachnophobia so badly that I weep. There's only one thing worse than having a huntsman spider on your car - it's not knowing if it's inside or outside the car.


Max said it's *probably* outside. He also said it was quite big. Things go a little hazy at this point. Max later tells me I said the words:

"NUP. No. I can't do this. No way."

And then climbed over on top of him to get out of the car, which was by now right in the middle of the drive thru traffic. Other cars had already started to bank up. I begged the woman in the white car behind me to please help me get the spider off the car. She ignored me. I went up to teenagers, a family, they all said and did nothing for the wildly panicked woman. Really, society?


My hands were sweaty and I was half-crying, until FINALLY a beautiful woman came up to me and told me it was ok, then shouted to her kids to go inside and get Uncle Terry. She took my clamster hand and told me that this happened to her one time too. And unfortunately she never found it. We both laughed a little maniacally ... she was SO lovely to me.

A McDonalds employee came out, wondering why there were about twenty cars blocked in all directions. He was all shitty and I said dude, there's a spider in my car. I'm not moving it anywhere.

Suddenly, out comes Uncle Terry. I scream at him. UNCLE TERRY!! My car was still idling at this point. He gets in and goes to park it somewhere so the cars could pass. The woman next to me says, "Hey so, isn't your other child still in your car?"


I had completely forgotten about Rocco. I couldn't even rush over to see if he was ok when Uncle Terry parked because SPIDER. I was banking on him showing his toughness.

Uncle Terry and the woman (her name was Susan) helped look in and around and on my car for the huntsman. There is no way I could have driven home if we didn't find it. The logical conclusion would be to rescue Rocco, then pour petrol on it and light a match. FINALLY, Uncle Terry sees it. Flicks it off and stomps on it like the hero he is. I high-fived Uncle Terry and hugged Susan. I love them. I will love them forever.

"Thank you for helping people that you don't even know!"

We drove home, my adrenal gland SHOT, my body heat fogging up all the windows because SPIDER.

I lit the fire. Then we all put our pj's on without having a shower and watched TV together on the couch. I apologised to Rocco for leaving him in the car. His exact words:

"Pfffffft. I wasn't scared mum. I just wanted to see the spider."


PS I wrote about not caring about being an under-achiever over on Mix.FM HERE

PPS I keep thinking there's spiders on me. I'm scratching, flicking, on high-alert. I blame that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark - remember when he had spiders ALL over his back? YEAH.

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