Holding Things Together.

My buttons arrived!

I didn't know what to do with them - I can't sew and don't know if it's too late to learn. I went with my mum to her new retirement village thingy she's soon moving in to and it has the biggest, most amazing sewing room. I told her I wish I could move in with her, wish my mothering years were finished too and we could be old biddies who craft and go for long walks and sit in the sun whenever we bloody well want to. My sisters and I are taking it in turns to help her pack but mum doesn't need much help, because our mum is an absolute warrior legend woman who keeps going.

I wish I could retire with mum and my buttons but I can't. I'm in a different stage of life, my kids are too young, and there's nothing wrong with my hips yet.

So I bought these buttons and they look so pretty. I got all arty and layered them in a jar. Like Glinda the Good Witch said, "And there they'll stay."

I'm going to put this glass jar of buttons in a prominent place and every time I look at them, it will remind me that sometimes things CAN mean things. I keep finding meaning in the world, and then losing it again. It's confusing.

"Everything is meaningless." Terrifying!
"Everything is meaningless." Exhilarating!

Cate Bolt is my personal hero. She makes orphanages appear out of thin air. She does things that mean things, every day.

Sometimes I log on to twitter just so I can see what she's saying because she makes me feel better about existing, that somebody is giving a shit. I watch her fighting the good fight every day. And the bad fight. And the useless and hopeless fights. All the fighting ... she's a great fighter. Young girls can learn from these types of fighting. She created Skull Buttonry, where you can buy all of the buttons and more. Even skull ones. The ones I bought are all made out of wood. I'll admire them for a little bit, then give them away.

Then I'll buy some more, do it again. And again.

As a kid I'd go in to sewing supplies shops with my mother and grandmother and I was always drawn to the buttons. They felt magic, like I could do something with them I just didn't know what.

Cate doesn't know I'm writing this. All of the proceeds from Skull Buttonry go to her orphanage in Indonesia. Imagine if her buttons sold out, just from people buying buttons they do not need. I told Cate that I was offended on behalf of zippers and velcro everywhere ... they hold things together too you know. She laughed and told me she'd start selling those too, and I knew she wasn't joking because she just keeps doing the things she says she's going to do.

She makes me lift my game and I'm so grateful.

Do you sew? How do you find meaning? Ever lose hope and find it in an unlikely place ... like an online button shop?

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