Monday, 27 February 2012

Somebody give the tooth fairy a double espresso. And some gratitude.


Max lost this tooth on Saturday night about 8pm. His friend Zac was having a sleepover and as we all ate dessert, Max twisted his tooth and there it was. My only thought? "Great. I don't have any goddamn money."

It was too late to go to the shops and get some cash out and frankly I couldn't be bothered. I know Max doesn't believe in the tooth fairy any more, and he knows I know he doesn't. But we still play along anyway.

I forgot all about it until at two-o-clock in the morning I sat upright in bed.

CURSE YOU, FAKE FAIRIES OF THE WORLD.

Parents are the tooth fairy, santa claus, AND the easter bunny? I call bullshit.

I went out to my car and went through all the usual shrapnel places  ... $3.55. I waited for the murderer to club me over the head and then go inside and systematically kill all of my children. It didn't happen!

Creeping into Max's bedroom, to find that he and Zac had arranged themselves on mattresses on the floor. After fumbled under Max's pillow for a while I realised it was Zac's pillow, and I was his friends weirdo mum leaning over him at 2am.

I went around to Max's side and do you think I could find that stupid tooth? No way. I gave up, left the coins under his pillow and as I sidestepped the boys I tripped over. Shouting, "FUCK."

One of them woke up and freaked out. "Who's that?"

Before limping out, the fake angry tooth fairy said "THE TOOTH FAIRY." 

Then I couldn't sleep for hours. When I got up, Max came running out, gleefully showing me his tooth.

"Mum! AHA! I hid my tooth to prove that the tooth fairy wasn't real, but I got money anyway. I'll leave my tooth out tonight to see if I get MORE money."

Little turd. "I don't think it works like that mate." Both boys went off laughing. Later they bought hot chips with Max's money.

Max did indeed leave his tooth underneath his pillow the next night. In the morning he found it was replaced with a rock from the driveway.

Don't fuck with the tooth fairy, dude. She plays roller derby and believes in revenge.



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