I'm very fussy and protective when it comes to this blog, so it's rare that I do a giveaway. When I was asked to do the Nikki Gemmell/Sony Reader one, I jumped at the chance. The main reason was the subject matter - difficulties in marriage and motherhood. I'm having difficulties in my marriage and motherhood, so it was a *great* fit. Shit's tricky, even for the together normal people.
The comments on that post were incredible .. one hundred and eleven. And they weren't just quick ones, they were well-thought out slices of your lives. That's kind of amazing to me. I remember when I first started blogging, I'd get three comments. Sometimes even nine. Anything over ten and I had MADE IT as a blogger.
I wish I had one hundred and eleven Sony Readers to give away but I don't. Tonight I sat here with a cup of tea, and punched "Between 1 and 111" in random.org ... up came 72. It's the year I was born - it's a sign! So I counted up to 72, to find that I had won my own giveaway. Suck it Sony. I'd commented twice, once to say thank you for your comments and then next to say, "Now I'm gonna win my own giveaway." And I did. I'm a goddamn oracle.
Graciously, I decided to release my Reader back into the mix and drew again. Comment number 74 is Kate from Kate Says Stuff "That which looks perfect and enviable from the outside never ever is. You only see what people choose to show you and you can only ever find peace in your own soul, not by virtue of anyone else's."
WORD. Kate, email me your home address and I will post you the Sony Reader. (I won it first, but I didn't open it.)
Second winner was for an overseas commenter ... it's Kirsty from 4 Kids, 20 Suitcases and a Beagle
Kristy once wrote a blog post called The Head Prefect .. and mentioned me. I have never forgotten what she said .. "Eden has had enough drama for a bad reality TV series."
Not just a reality TV show. A BAD ONE.
Her comment was number 33. And it was gold. "I was sitting in the school cafeteria with a child by my side, we were waiting for 3 other children to finish their "activities" so we could then drive them home for an evening filled with afternoon snacks, homework and dinner preparation. I was bored and sitting in a freaking high school cafeteria. Without thinking the words ... "lucky I feel good about myself otherwise this soul destroying existence could really get the better of me." .. came out of my mouth.
That was me earlier this week.
There's a different me today - later in the week. I'm happy that I had the choice of motherhood. I'm happy that I gave up working full-time, I'm happy that I'm writing.
I float constantly between the ups and the downs. I'm either loving it or hating it or just getting on with it. I don't think there is eternal contentment.
At this very moment, on my street there is a Filipino woman outside washing her employers car, she will walk their dog, wash their clothes and take their child to the park. Her own children are back in the Filipines, she see's them maybe every 2 years, she sends money every month. She watches me drop my children to school nearly every morning and waves and smiles as I drive past.
Today, I'm happy. Tomorrow I may stab my husband in the eye with a fork over breakfast."
Kirsty send me your address in Qatar and I will post you the actual copy of the book, like, from the olden days.
Thank you to everybody who entered. It's softening this tricky time for me, knowing you are all out there. With your own stuff. Especially in this lead-up to Christmas and my husband and I navigate our way through living in separate houses. (Bad reality TV series.)
(See what I did there? You just got a bombshell, if you read all the way through this post. JUICY HUH?)
Bring on Eminem tomorrow night, is all I can say.
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Oh Babe, I'm really sorry you and Dave are having a hard time. I hope it all comes good. This is stuff is harder than it looks, eh?
ReplyDeleteBombshell duly noted - hey what now? I figure when you want to tell you will.
ReplyDeleteOh yes indeed it's tough... tough and shitty and really really frightening sometimes. That is life, and we all have to find our way.
xx
Been there, done that. No idea what happenned- married too young?? Worked too hard? Grew apart? Hated him? His brother lived with us? I lost 60 kgs & he didn't even seem to notice? I'm un affectionate? I believe in charity & he believes in collecting money??
ReplyDeleteWho knows....
But the divorce was hell, & thank god we didn't have kids- I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Never ever think that I am not able to come see you, meet at Penrith Plaza ( wanna see that freaky nativity) and just hold your hand and pass the tissues. Love you. D xx
ReplyDeleteI've been reading between the tweets ... love you x
ReplyDeleteI too have been there and I know you will have some tough times ahead. I made it through the other side of the rabbit hole (yes, I felt a bit like Alice in Wonderland) and am still going strong. You will too and whatever you decide to do will be what's right for you.
ReplyDeleteFuck man.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
Always here on the other side of the screen -- remember that time we skyped and squealed like little girls and then I got shy and then Z woke up from nap and it was over and I've been too shy to do it again?
So much love to you,
XO
Pam
I was robbed! That e-reader was mine....!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to work through this shit of a time, Eden. It saddens me to hear of people having marital issues. I so want to believe in the happy ending...
Love you always...
life is not a mountain, it's a series of mountains, we get to one and think yes once i've conquered this i'll be set, only to reach the top and find another, taller one right behind it.
ReplyDeletethe people we meet in our life [in real life and online] are how we manage to climb those mountains no matter how many of the fuckers there seems to be.
keep climbing, your support team is right behind you, ready and waiting to help and to *listen* when you need us to.
congrats to the winners!
~x~
Hugs love. My mother once looked me square in the eye and said "marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do". No shit. xxx
ReplyDeleteThree things:
ReplyDeleteWhat?
Fuck!
No....
xxx
KATE! Don't you forget you owe me one for them... ummm.... you know.... that thing I did for you.... yeah you know.... an ereader would fix that up no worries. I know it so would wouldn't it! Thanks Kate, I knew you'd understand.... Yes I am living in dreamland *sigh* lol
ReplyDeleteLast bit. Still sucks. Big fat smoochies & huggles xxx
Haha Miss Cinders, very nice try!
ReplyDeleteOh Eden thankyou so much. 72 is my lucky number. Quite seriously. Has been since I was about 5. So if you'd not commented at all my comment would have been number 72 anyways yes?
You have made my day. A day that began at midnight when my big girl had an 'accident' that will involve much washing and deodorizing and I've not seen anything so horrible in years. And I have a 3yo still in nappies who has had a tummy bug (as apparently does his sister now) so I've seen a fair bit of awful this week.
I've been in tears since 6 this morning wondering if I will ever sleep again in my life, and of I'll ever wake without a migraine haze. And wondering if it's not time to seek out some help for myself because I am just not coping with the world right now.
Thankyou Eden. Your words often put a lot of things in perspective for me and remind me that I'm not the only one battling. I don't share a lot of my stuff on my blog because it's not really 'mine' to share, I'm just the collateral damage. I adore your honesty and I'm thinking about you as you navigate a difficult time.
Essay over. Just thankyou for giving me a reason to smile this morning.
xox
Juicy or what!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I had a feeling...you know, being a fly on the wall does have it's perks some days.
Much much love to you, and fucking ROCK Eminem tonight. What a way to escape for the night. I want tweets with photo's. Heck I think you should do a vlog mid concert. Yes, you can pay me for that idea with some Eden goodness. You're welcome.
Ah Eden :(
ReplyDeleteI always read your blog, I get a thrill when I see that you have posted because I know that reading you is as though someone is talking to me....even though you are not talking to me..you are talking of you and it resonates so well with me. I don't often comment though and I'm sorry for that.
In my time of need you left me a comment...I want to send that back your way right now. I am you and you are me and although the characters and the setting are different, the history and the circumstances too..what is the same is the feelings and the struggle..I get it, I live it, I feel it. And although i am a silent person behind a blog I can not blog on right now due to it being watched like a hawk, and I can't tweet because thats being watched too..and although you don't know me from squat I just wanted to say that if you ever need anything then I'm only an email away (the one medium he cannot access nor control!).
To change the world Eden you just have to make a difference to one persons life...you make a difference to mine with your insight and your words. You are changing the world Eden one blog post at a time. Be strong and give Marshall a big smoocher tonight! (he'd be nuts to not want to meet you!)
I hope eminem rocks it for you tonight.
ReplyDeleteCrap. This is such a shitty time of year to be going through heavy shite. Thinking of you, and hope your load gets lighter soon.
ReplyDeleteWow that is hard. Sometimes people have very dramatic responses to nearly dying. Being the only grown-up in the house is exhausting as well, managing yourself and them, very very tiring. No wonder you are falling down the abyss. I hope you get some energy and strength from the concert tonight. You have so many people on your side Eden. *makes gang-sign*
ReplyDeletex
Hope you danced and danced...cause I've seen a move or two on here...I want it ALL to be good for you x
ReplyDeleteMarriage is so hard. People under-estimate it, I think, when they tie the knot.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better than you were earlier in the week. Love your boys, do good by them and good luck working stuff out with your man. xx
When I read this last night, I just didn't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteStill don't.
Whatever's wrong, Eden, I hope you get through it with your head high and your heart intact.
xx
I don't know your Dave in person. But from the Dave I've learned about and grown very fond of on this blog...he loves you. You guys have been through so much in the past few years alone, the need for a few minutes of breathing space could be welcomed, if not expected. Regroup. Build back stronger. That is my wish for you both. Hugs from here and back xx
ReplyDeleteEden, I'm sorry. Really.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been there once . I won't deny it was tough times for that 2-3 weeks and onwards as we sorted stuff out.
We made it through the other side of the hell it was, we still have our moments. The entire experience was very painful.
I'll keep you in my thoughts that you cope it whatever way you can, the strength lives within you.
Must be the time of the year or something. I'm watching a gorgeous couple go through similar at the moment, one of them is just about to move out too. It's bloody hard to watch but would be harder to be in it. All I can say from watching this couple I love go through their shit, is that their communication is absolutely not there, so if you think you have something to save, start talking. Thinking of you, Marriage IS the frigging hardest thing.... xxx
ReplyDeleteSometimes not being in each others' faces all the time can be a good thing.
ReplyDeleteMy own parents separated for 6 years and are now back stronger than they ever were. It's such a cliche and no one thought it would happen but it did.
xxx
Bombshell..F me yeah. You gotta do what ya gotta do but it makes no sense to me. Hope you figure it out mate.
ReplyDeleteXo
No no no no.
ReplyDeleteI love you both together.
I know that is not helpful I wish I knew what would be?
xxx
PS Your random orgy thing picks good winners.
Ah, so sorry. I knew something was up, you've been dropping hints. But... shit!
ReplyDeleteI hope that the outcome is whatever you want it to be.
I wish it weren't all so hard.
Congratulations on being your own winner. Take that as a sign.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your bombshell.
are you ready to come hang with me yet? it's my first Xmas as a single mum and my first Xmas without my kids ....for 2 weeks!!! I have to hand them over at 12 noon on Xmas eve which is my birthday......
ReplyDeleteI've been virtually stalking you and being inspired by your strength but that bombshell stinks worse than poop floating in the toilet in the morning. I'm gonna dance to some bad dance music too and hope some of the excess energy created gets whisked over to you. Dance on! Or take a nap. Whatever works.
ReplyDeleteHon, my thoughts are with you. I'm navigating a separation myself & it's tricky. I hope we both have a positive outcome & in the meantime it's one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteHell yes to Eminem!
I don't know you, but I love you. I'm adding you to my prayers. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Eden, I hope you rocked out to nemenem last night! Sometimes its just good to not think for a while and just have fun. Life is hard, everything in life that is worth it is hard otherwise how would we appreciate the good times? All will be good again soon, just get through to the other side.
ReplyDeleteHope the concert was fantabulous. Marriage is truly one of the hardest things...have failed once and work really really really hard at number two. Look after yourself, this more than any other time is when you need to look after YOU (hey maybe you should have taken the prize - you deserve it!)
ReplyDeleteNeither of you is easy to live with, are you? You have to fight your demons daily, and Dave is not perfect either. So, I'd think some time apart every now and again would be necessary for the two of you. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSorry I couldn't win a book/e-reader anyway.
Thats just crap. Which ever way it goes, you will be ok, and so will your boys. The truth will set you free.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
ReplyDeleteBreathe in. Breathe out. Take each day as it comes. Meditate. Drink tea.
That's the only kind of help I can offer.
I hope it helps. <3
I had a feeling. I've been reading between the lines too, when I've actually been on line. You are strong and wise and don't need my advice. I don't know your situation in any case. Just know, you can and will get through this. Both of you. And you have my love and support and that of all of us here. And if I can do anything at all, let me know. Hell, you gave me a camera. The least I can do is give you crap relationship advice. Or seriously a shoulder. Or something. Or a bolthole in Queensland. xo
ReplyDeleteyou are strong, you are amazing, you can get through this. i hope you two can sort it out and be happy soon
ReplyDeleteOh man Eden am so sorry. You will negotiate this tricky path because you've already walked barefoot on fire so many times before. Thinking of you, Lady Phoenix x
ReplyDeleteI've been reading between the lines too... the whole step-blended frigged up family thing is hard work...
ReplyDeleteif you ever need a soft place to land, you are welcome at my house on the hill... the view's amazing. and well your boys - I have a matching pair :)
sending you love light and strength beautiful woman. xxxx
I'm here, Edenland, leaving you some love. xxx
ReplyDeleteEden - sending you strength and love!
ReplyDeleteShit. I knew something was up. You don't need to share what is happening, just know that without a doubt it is all the mans fault.
ReplyDeleteXO
The vagina overlord in the US