Saturday, 29 October 2011

You are what you eat. I am a cake.

I have made my body do lots of very naughty, very unhealthy things. It's a wonder it still functions at all. My kidneys and liver still cleanse, my heart pumps up the volume, my bladder fills up with obscene amounts of manwee, over and over again.

One day it will stop. It's amazing, when you think about it. Kind of miraculous.

Last night I was explaining to Rocco that he started off as this teeny, tiny little thing. And look at his big boy body now! His chest puffed up with pride. "Mum, when I grow up I will be bigger than you and bigger than the WHOLE WORLD."

When I was a kid, I suddenly grew these long legs and big feet and my face changed. Women in my family would remark on how lucky I was, to be so skinny. At school I noticed other girls struggling with weight insecurities, when I didn't. All my insecurities and problems were in my head, where nobody but me could see. I would have preferred to struggle with my weight.

Over the years I've eaten like a pig and not exercised. Except for now .. I've been carrying some extra weight around for over a year now. I blame America ... specifically, Five Guys. It's harder to work this shit off, so I point-blank refused to. This past winter I made a conscious decision to cancel my gym membership and get cable TV instead, because I couldn't afford both. Pass me the goddamn Cheetos. Why are my arms so flabby?

It's spring now. I'm making a concerted effort to eat well, and move more. Here is my body now:

*
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*

Wait - that's not me. That's a bullshit, highly offensive and bordering on child-porn misogynistic ad for Steve Madden. Reminding me to never buy anything related to Steve Madden, ever.

In my early twenties I read the "Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women." by Naomi Wolf. As well as Susan Faludi's "Backlash, the Undeclared War Against Women." Two top books, that I HIGHLY recommend. The constant media messages women get regarding their looks make me stabby .. when my teenage stepson kept leaving his Ralph and FHM magazines around the house, I instantly put them in the recycling bin. And he would say, "Where are my magazines?" and I would say, "I have no idea."

Why do starlets and young women still feel the need to get their kit off and pose in these magazines? I'm all about empowerment, but come on.

Over at We Heart Life it is "I love my body" day. Bloggers are taking photos of themselves and publishing them on their blogs. All shapes and sizes, some clothed, some not. I like it. I like real things.

This old grey mare .... I turn 40 next year, man. I'm back at the gym and eating healthy food for one reason only - my mental health. But I would also like to have my body hot at least one more time before I die.





And then I breathed out.


Check out all the bloggers participating in We Heart Our Bodies HERE.

And the seriously unreal Curvy Girls Guide is HERE "We aren’t fat. We aren’t big boned. We are gorgeous, sexy, desirable women."  WORD.

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75 comments:

  1. honestly you are a scream. reading your blog makes my day. thank you.

    now I wonder if I am brave enough to also blog about it?

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  2. And this is why you are an Aussie Blogging Goddess!

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  3. ps. My friend wrote this recently about her body image- I thought you might be interested.

    http://theheadspaceblog.blogspot.com/2011/10/defeating-skinny-bitch.html

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  4. Those Steve Madden ads are so wrong. And YOU are a fierce warrior mum.
    x

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  5. Eden you are rocking that bikini! Go your for embracing health over looks, but for lots of people with weight issues, those issues ARE in their head, not their arse.
    xx

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  6. You: Hot - even breathing out.

    That ad: shit, from any angle.

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  7. I've never recovered after being called "fat" in primary school (I wasn't). Still hate my body. I punish it and myself by eating too much of the wrong things and not moving and allowing myself to feel bad about it.

    There was a time, not that long ago, when I believed that "food was my friend". I don't know what happened to that.

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  8. Loving your portfolio, girlfriend.
    You. Are. Hot.

    Between the media spun b.s. and the b.s that is already spinning around in our heads, how do we get through the days??

    Serial stomach sucker in-er here.
    (I like to pretend it's about posture - but I'm just a vain mole.)
    :-)

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  9. Just so you know that last image made me spit my juice out, my whole family is laughing at me lol

    You're a rockstar x

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  10. Oh my! Thank you so much for joining in. And just quietly you have an amazing body!

    Oh my fucking gawd.

    I hope that when I am a year away from forty I look that amazing!

    Thank you again for sharing.

    Carly

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  11. I knew you would rock this! I was hoping you'd do it!

    I was the same skinny... never needed to worry about it until now and now it seems like too much hard work. There are a million reasons I should work out and eat right, and not one of them is for how I look.

    Much love xo

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  12. I just finished bawling my eyeballs out over a post I wrote about grief and in a heartbeat I am grinning from ear to ear over you standing on a table posing in your bikini.

    God I love you Eden Riley.

    Thank you for the smiles. xo

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  13. You are so awesome! I don't think I would gave the balls to "breathe out"! Not yet anyway.....

    Well done :)

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  14. I could not love this any more!

    I have a lady boner

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  15. and yet again, you have me laughing my arse off!

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  16. I am now singing "I'm sexy and I know it" after seeing your photos. You're amazeballs :)

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  17. You're a friggin legend woman!

    Like you I spent my life skinny (used to get called StickWoman in high school) - and didn't have to do anything to keep it that way... three children later, and age (turning 42 in a couple of months) have turned that androgynous body I once had into a more curvy version. One that I am coming to love...

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  18. You are a real superstar.

    Xo

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  19. Eden you inspired me to post about (& on) I heart my body! thanks :)
    x

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  20. You are so hilarious. You make us laugh, you make us cry, you make us laugh. You look awesome, by the way.

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  21. If you are what you eat, I am coca cola and cigarettes. Or something.

    And you are fucking kick arse, you know that? I make a point of having real, tangible people as my heroes... and in all honestly Eden, you are one of them. Much loves xoxox

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  22. Hot hot hot. You rock my world.

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  23. ahhh, i would expect nothing less of you than a shot in a bikini, on a table on a balcony with the blue mountains in the background - after all you don't do things by halves and we'd have it no other way!

    you're rockin that bikini because your body is rockin.

    i say bring on 40 - you're gonna be fucking fabulous and forty!

    x

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  24. You are my absolute FAVORITE!!!!

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  25. You rock Eden, you beautiful thing you! I just put up my post too... gulp! Raises a glass to body love. x

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  26. I think I love you, Eden. And all because of that last photo. Big thumbs up.

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  27. Amazing.
    1. because you can rock a bikini
    2. you are hilarious
    3. you are honest
    4. you are brave
    I did take part in Bloggers without make-up day a while back and that was easy, because I don't often wear it, ut this THIS is a whole different can of a monster worms.
    I am considering joining in, but am hesitating for the following reasons...
    1. Fear of my grown children's response
    2. I dislike so much of my body
    3. Being accused of attention seeking
    4. I have one pair of bathers, a black one piece that's over 10 years old and braving the camera in my undies is making me hyperventilate just thinking about it
    5. No-one has seen me in bathers or undies for EVER, not even my partner.

    How sad...RIGHT...I think I'm going in!
    Stand by.

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  28. You are hilarious and awesome! And you look great!

    I look back so fondly on those days when I just thought I was fat. Now that I actually am a little, I wish I were that fat again! And then, most days, I think I look pretty fucking good for 42. (I've never really had body image issues - I've always been pretty well aware that I will be cute, but never hot. If you can accept your appearance, a lot of life is much easier.)

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  29. Oh man, I love you even more after reading this!

    I write for We Heart Life. I adore today's message. But, if I posted a shot of me in all my glory on my blog I may be arrested, and I would definitely lose my job. Sigh. I just need to live vicariously through all you wonderful bloggers linking up today.

    xx

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  30. Eden, OMG you crack me up!!! This is absolutely awesome hahahaha super fucking fantastic, you are blogging legend!

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  31. Fuck Eden you are hilarious.
    I love the poses. Seriously. The first one, you look like a total body builder. Lol.
    And you do NOT have the body of an almost 40 year old at all.
    You are FAAAABBBUULLLOOOUUUSSSSOOOO.

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  32. See.. told you I want to be you when I grow up.... the fact that I am only a year younger means I better hurry up and get awesome!

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  33. So wow!
    You are a real woman, real body and really fantastic.

    I love that you got up on the table to do these shots. *grins* It just gives it that "wheeeee, I'm free of your judgement" sort of feel.

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  34. That first one really does make you look like a bodybuilder! Not bad for almost 40, madam! Not bad even if you were almost 30!

    And you're just determined to make people love you more, aren't you? By being funny and self deprecating and honest and funny and lovely.

    Bloggy-darling strikes again. I swoon before you.

    I wish I were braver than I am. But I'm not.

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  35. Your second pose made me think of the Karate Kid and I was beginning to giggle, particularly after the powerful pose in the first pose, but the third picture had me belly laughing because how easy is it to make our bodies do that? It's like I can be sick and choose not to wear make up so I look even worse and people will sympathise with me more. Sure, we can hold it in and show you we still rock it, or we can reeeally let it hang out! All you need is a ciggie hanging from your lips :) Love it!

    It did confuse miss 5 though .... LOL

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  36. You crack me up. You write incredibly well and I love when you post. I love the poses especially the breathing out pose. That's what I look like on a good day. You rock!

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  37. I just laughed out loud and woke up my kids! You are so awesome! You look amazing! Even the breathing out pose. If only I ever could. You are so brave to post those pics. You are so real and that's what I love.

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  38. Oh, I just about peed my pants…you are hilarious!!! Actually I kinda like your first few poses….Australia's Next Top Model take notice - this gal knows how to convey all sorts of moods and attitudes in front of the camera :-)

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  39. You my dear are the icing on the cake ;]

    Both hubby and I have been brave and joined in this year also!!

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  40. I just posted a perfectly sad post only to come here and laugh.

    I so love you Eden.

    :-)

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  41. Love that you are standing on the table!! You are a scream & I love reading your posts.
    Xx
    Sara

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  42. Best photos ever!

    These photos and this post just screams confidence, and that is the beat looking thing of all on a woman.

    Well done! Be proud of your body! Rock it!

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  43. Eden, you are going to rock you 40s. Love you stupid!!

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  44. I knew you would find a way to do this and be funny about it. And honest. You make me laugh! Now ... breathing out!

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  45. I love your photos. They are brave and highly hilarious. Thank you for the laugh :)

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  46. you are awesome. love that shit.

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  47. Eden, I freaking LOVE this!!!! And if I had legs like that, i would totally be rocking a bikini too, always. Even to buy milk.

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  48. You crack me up every time - love that you breathed out! Rock on!

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  49. I can't see them on the photo but I know you got some.. you got balls Eden Riley. Love this post

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  50. Hawt!! In the brain & in the body. xo

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  51. You look awesome to me, Eden! You were seriously trying to pooch your tummy out more than it really does, I'm sure of it.

    I'm gonna hafta go check out those links...

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  52. You are completely and utterly awesome. That is all. xxx

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  53. Haha! Rockin' poses, Eden.

    You're awesome xx

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  54. When I was pregnant I used to strip off and run around the house freaking my husband out with my ET impersonation. I miss that naked body.....and party trick.

    You look awesome. And how come everyones bra and undies match?? Mine haven't matched since Valentines Day 2004!!

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  55. How did I miss this last week? Fark - you are funny! Agreed, no more Steve Maddens. Your post made me think of Miss Representation. Have you seen it?

    http://shamozal.blogspot.com/2011/10/you-cant-be-what-you-cant-see.html

    Love your work Eden.

    Kirsty

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  56. You rock the Goddess Vibe well, just so bloody gorgeous x

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  57. Ninja pose no.2 is my personal favourite. Working up the courage to take a leaf outta your book and let it all hang out. May-be......

    My body issues go waaaaay back, but after birthing 3 babies, I'm getting to love what this body can do regardless of the shape and texture.

    Thanks Captain Courageous!!

    Love,
    Gabbie xx

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  58. You are so very brave all of you blog "strippers"! I loved this post, fantastic as always! Wish I had the courage to show, well my floppy bits..... Good for you! Lisa

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  59. You Rock that Bikini and that TABLE... In other words you just ROCK Eden.... AWESOME.... Eden's Mum xxxxxxx

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  60. LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT! way to go on the blogstrip! lol

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  61. You are the best.

    P.S. Do you have neighbours close by? One day it's rollerskates, the next bikinis... they must love you.

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  62. They don't show in the photos, but darlin..you have balls!

    (p.s. another reason you need to come here, I have a Five Guys a few miles down the road:-)

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  63. There are not enough words to describe how much I adore you...Totally badass!

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  64. Here's the great news for you, Eden. You'll be able to try again one last time when you turn 50. That's what I'm doing.

    My favorite body part is my ass. I'm still rockin' it.

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  65. FUCK YES!!!!!! You are seriously my idol Eden!!!! Best 'I heart my body' post I've seen!!

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  66. Ha ha, I think we all need to do the bikini pose a little like Mrs Woog's Birthing photos!! roflmao Would be rather HILARIOUS I thinks :-)

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Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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