Thursday, 27 October 2011

God Talks to Me Through Demons.

"Yeah I'd break bread and wine
If there was a church
I could receive in.
Coz I need it now."

God talks to me through demons. I found this out the way I find everything else out in life ... the hard way.

I had to go to church every Sunday when I was a kid. First Holy Communion, Confirmation, the whole shebang. Why do the Catholics have the biggest, most gory Jesus's in their churches? Is it a competition? I'd walk in, look up at the blood and the pain and the thorns. And think only one thing .... "This is all my fault." I would not have enough sins to tell the priest, so I'd just make them up. That was when I knew I was going to hell.

When you know you're already going to hell ... why even try to be good anymore?

A few months after the suicide of my dad, I had a meeting with my priest. I just wanted to know if he was ok, or if he was in purgatory. The priest wrinkled his nose in disgust and told me it was too late to be worried about him now. Nothing could be done. I walked straight out of his office without saying a word, did not even shut the door. I had just turned 17, and started my long walk down some pretty dark paths.


A few moons ago, I had a rough trot. This is code for, "losing my ever-loving mind AGAIN." Badly. It was bad. I can't elaborate ... what happened in the mental breakdown, stays in the mental breakdown. It's between me and God. And I say the word "God" out of habit. I lost my shiz, all in my head. Some demons may have made guest appearances. I'm actually being literal. (I realise that I sound like a complete lunatic. That's because I am a complete lunatic.)

At the end of it, I went through a series of spiritual lessons. Or something. I made many deals with God. I got into my car, both of my dead dads ghosts were in the back seat. In the middle was the sad red-haired child they ignored and that was their punishment. I drove us all to recovery meetings. We got through it, and now I'm stronger than I have ever been in my entire life.

Any questions?


My friend Lerner is an Americano living in England. She said she'd love some rosary beads but she can't because she's not Catholic. I said mate, I'm Catholic. I'll get you some rosary beads. So I did - purple, because they're her favourite colour. From the Catholic shop in Katoomba Street called "Sanctus" I don't like this shop, it's too expensive and the last time I checked, the Catholics were filthy rich.

I thought I'd go one better, and get the beads blessed by the local Catholic priest. I took my yellow rosary beads too ... I bought these for $2 at LA Ink back in August. I wondered if the priest would say no, to blessing yellow plastic rosary beads?

I toyed with the idea of sitting down with the priest, and doing my confession for the first time since I was 17. Not to absolve myself, just to watch his reaction. But I wasn't allowed to see him - the lady in the parish office told me to leave the beads, the priest would bless them, and come back at 4pm. So I did. When I picked them up, they felt holier.

Then I went to the post office to post the purple ones to Lerner.

I found the most appropriate card. Lerner got the package yesterday, and wrote about it HERE.

Ironic that I bought a set of rosary beads from a shop I hate and got them blessed by a man whose religion I don't believe in anymore. But my faith in God is the strongest and most rock solid it's ever been.

(How do you athiests do it? I'm fascinated.)

I've decided to do the strangest giveaway the blogworld has ever seen ... I'm giving away my blessed $2 yellow plastic rosary beads.

                          They're called boobs, Ed.
They're pretty cool. I bought them from Kat Von D's gallery next door to LA Ink (High Voltage) the day I got my skattoo. See HERE.

If you want them, just leave me a comment. You don't have to say why, or have a blog, or be Catholic. They'd look pretty cool hanging from a rear-view mirror. I'll pick the winner randomly this Sunday.

When I should be at church.



  1. I'm strange. I'm not religious in Australia, when I'm home, but when I'm in Italy, the mutha land of Catholicism, suddenly I undergo a mind shift and I'm drawn to churches like I'm going to die tomorrow. I've never bought rosary beads, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I feel too hypocritical, having this split religious personality. As I said, I'm strange.

  2. As much as I would love to have a piece of Eden to carry around with me through the dark times, those are not for me.
    I do need to thank you for posting this within the eight minutes of my mental exhaustion tonight though. Somehow, I'll take that as a little blessed blogpost in turn for your blessed rosary.
    Where's a St. Eden amulet? I need to start carrying one of those around.

  3. I told some religious folk that were visiting my front door all the way out in the middle of the bush that I believed not in a God organised by people with their own motives,but instead in nature and the God within ourselves not laws and ceremonies. They said, no but what were your parents...? Missing my point entirely.
    At that moment I thought it strange that so people who are supposed to be so loving and caring towards their fellow man will so often define you only by what your parents believed, or their parents, or their parents parents and not at who you are. Its not about what some man made up and wrote in a book years ago to serve his own benifits, thats not the point. Stay true to yourself - THATs the point.
    Im rambling... You have it figured out my dear, if in doubt read your arm.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. I read every post you write though I rarely comment. I had to here because your post had such strange timing for me. I've been reading about meditation and have been trying to meditate although without a lot of success. My mind is not a peaceful place. Before I read your post I was online looking for a class I could attend on meditation nearby. I found a local Buddhist temple that has a beginner class I'd like to try. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty thinking of going there. I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday. I haven't gone to church much in years and while I fully believe in God, my beliefs have changed a lot. I can no longer support rules created by a corrupted, man-made religion. And even though I'm not turning Buddhist and I just want to get some peace and find myself spiritually, I still feel bad. Is that weird? Anyway, you helped me justify what I'm looking for and why I feel the way I do. Thanks.

  6. is there a difference between worry beads and rosaries?

    I like the idea of fidgeting with something when stressed or worried.

  7. I used to have these rose-scented rosary beads. Loved them. They were from Israel. But I moved too many times and now they are lost. x

  8. i'm agnostic with an aesthetic fascination with Catholic iconography...go figure. i like the feeling of (old) churches (particularly in Europe where they really ARE old) but i think maybe that is to do with them being a site of community gathering rather than the dude upstairs.

    spirituality is more important than subscribing to any religion per se, I reckon. Deism seems a pretty cool idea though, maybe it leaves room for us to be our own god

    i love the way "Know Thyself" is there at the forefront of every shot. That's where it's really at, after all. :)

  9. Are they blessed by Kat Von D too? Cause Moo would lose her shit for them. I could give them to her for Christmas.

    I am shopping for the handbasket tomorrow.


  10. While I'm sure they are lovely blessed beads of the highest yellow order, it's the card I covet most. Good find. Hoping calm was borne from chaos and your ghosts walked into the sunset with those demons. Thanks for sharing, it means a lot to those of us who can relate (or believe we can anyway).

  11. Objects, thoughts, words, people, all have power and energy. I would like some of that blessed plastic bead energy.

  12. Jesus was so cool
    But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
    So they killed him
    But then he rose from the dead
    He rose from the dead, danced around
    Then went up to heaven
    I mean, that's so cool
    Jesus was way cool

    No wonder there are so many Christians

    .... those beads are pretty cool too...

  13. I love discussions about spirituality. The journeys are as unique as the person. I'm not finished seeking, but so far I feel strongly that God is Love and Truth and Light. And the word 'God' is just a name for the unexplainable.

  14. I'm not entering, because I have my own pretty beads that were my nana's. I walked down the aisle with them on my bouquet because she wasn't here to be with me. Even though I'm an atheist, and if I was to pick a religion, Catholocism would be the last. I did it for her.

    You're so cute for sending someone something they would like from a shop that you hate<3

    Email me if you want, I can tell you all about what this little militant atheist believes in... i think you'd like it :)

  15. My sister often points out to me that my life is a mess and hers is awesome and it's because she has God to give her worries too.

    I thought about this for a while. I can't believe in God. The whole thing s too made up and has absorbed far too much misogyny for me to have any faith in it at all.

    So I decided, since it was the giving away of worries that seemed to be the main difference between my sister and I (okay, and that she can hit notes and I can't even hit a drum in time) so I now give away my worries to the Universe. It's got all this empty space to store them in. It's helped!

    So love your blog. And I think you are amazing.

  16. Faith and religion so not the same. I've been a catholic, a born again christian, an atheist, an agnostic. Now I have my faith and that's it.

    I hope I don't get killed with lightning but if jesus came back from the dead, wouldn't that mean he's a zombie? Peace Lord.

  17. I am in no way religious, but I like the fact that when life goes to total shit there is something that you can turn to, to give you strength.

    Love love loved everything in your post x

  18. I'm pretty sure I'd get struck with lightning if I tried to enter a church. I come from a long line of pagans and I'm cool with that. I'm not entering for the beads - just thought I'd comment. 'Cos, you know, I can. Also, I think Family Guy said it best...

  19. I come from a long line of staunch Catholics so I understand the concept of guilt oh so well... While I'm not one to flaunt religion in people's faces (each to their own is what I would precah if I had to!) personally I like knowing there is something else guiding me, something else to fall back on, something else to question. I need to know when we die we dont just disappear. And I've seen my Pop, my beloved Pop, the most religious man I knew, get the most amazing peace from his Priest before he went. He wasnt the least bit scared because of his beliefs. I envied that.

  20. As usual, brilliant.

    As an atheist, I tend to say JESUS CHRIST a LOT!


  21. Jesus Christ, you can write lady:)
    I lost my religion a while back, but it keeps finding me x

  22. I hear you. I had a breakdown this year. I shaved every bit of my hair off. I now consider myself Buddhist. You can read about my experiences on my blog. Including the blog about shaving my hair might have to search to find it, but it is there. promise.

    :) K

  23. ooh and I forgot to say that I have rosarie beads too. Buddhists have them as well- just without the cross. Mine are brown with black dots and are made of sandalwood. I wear them as a bracelet. They are strangely comforting....

  24. I have rosary beads of yellow plastic that were bought back from the Vatican blessed by the Pope by our parrish priest when I was in second grade. All the kids in the school got some. In a variety of 1970's plastic hues.

    SO, the Pope would even bless 'em if you asked... ;)

  25. As I was pondering the questions of the universe, life and who put this soul in my physical body, I had a revelation.

    God is electricity! The spark that starts my heart, runs my brain and controls the whole cosmos. The energy that needs no name or form.

    I'm either heading for a breakdown or cannonisation:)

  26. I went to catholic girls school .... Enough said . But I collect crosses Go Figure

  27. I'm a crap Catholic. Honestly, the church should totally fall down whenever I walk into it. Which is infrequently. But it happens. Because I use my Catholicism when I need it. Which is occasionally. I don't think God would mind. I hope not. :)

  28. I'd talk to you about being an atheist any day, love. Don't want to win, just want to tell you you're awesome.

    (and so's that Mrs. Woog, can you two come back to LA, please?)

  29. I love that the beads felt holier. You're onto it Eden. xo

  30. It would be greedy for me to end up with both sets. But I love mine. Love them. Thanks, lady.

  31. I'm an atheist. I remember the day I lost my faith. Literally the day, it was probably the most horrific, soul crushing day of my life. I realized that I couldn't believe in a deity who would allow that to happen.

    Honestly, I wish I did believe in god. It'd make things simpler I think, but I don't. I believe in people and their ability to make good from bad and I envy those with faith.

  32. I found my grandmothers rosary beads when younger and holding them felt calming in some way. I wasn't brought up in any religion and still do not follow any particular religion but do believe in god. I don't want to be locked in to any one religion though, love that I can read and learn about them all one day when I have time, without prejudice or influence. I love your blog but even more than your brilliant words I live reading the comments attached to your posts! You have the most awesome conversations and insights in your comments section :). You rock! :)

  33. As a friend of Lerner's, I think I deserve the yellow beads so that they might one day reunite with the purple beads... you know, in case the beads might miss each other. It makes sense. Don't you agree?

    -Down The Blues

  34. Great post, my friend. I don't want your rosary beads, because I am agnostic, and I am sure they would mean more to someone else. I would however, like you to post me some Lucas Paw Paw ointment Because soft lips are my religion. (seriously)

  35. Nope, no questions. You always make perfect sense to me. I am not religious, but I do like rosary beads. They do have a calming effect and I would love to have them! And yellow is lovely. Please think of me not being in church this Sunday, while you are also not in church. My dad always told me that if I went to church, the ceiling would collapse because I am such a sinner. So I do not intend on testing his theory any time soon. Cause ya never know...... And I LOVE the bead blessing drop off service, just like dry cleaning! :) See you in hell.... Lisa

  36. One of the craziest and meanest scenes ever is at the semi-annual rummage sale at one of the local churches. Those bitches will knock you out of the way for the chance to buy each others junk. Every time I go I shake my head, I'm not even a believer and I'm the best behaved one of the bunch.

  37. I was brought up in church, and now I don't know if I believe any more or not. But it's a social neccessity where I live, and I need to go back to get my kids in with the "right" people. How fucked up is that?

  38. I have followed your blog for a long time. I think you are a very strong woman. The fact that the beads belonged to you is much more symbolic than them being blessed by the priest. Just say'n.

  39. Church scares me.

    I'd say I was already going to hell, but since I don't believe in one, I guess that's not right either. I'm a good person because I think people should be good. plain and simple, right?

    (xoxo missed you!)

  40. Eden, you are a true writer. Breathtakingly honest. Thank you for being yourself. I also have no need for the beads; just wanted to let you know your sharing means something to me.

  41. I didn't know your father killed himself.

    Mine did, too.


  42. I need them because being an atheist is the only thing that makes sense.

  43. This is one of those things I wonder if I'm missing out on - I'm not catholic and I admire those who have a faith or just faith.
    Is it some I need? Is it something I could properly? Dunno. But there's has to be something greater than just us humans running around, right?

  44. I wonder if having a breakdown is worse than living numb?

  45. I would heart your yellow plastic rosary beads and take ever such good care of them if you sent them to me. I am a confirmed Anglo-Catholic, but have not been practicing for most of the last 8 1/2 years. I still believe in God with all my might tho.

    I also read Lerner's post. She was so tickled to get her package. You two are awesome.

  46. I wonder if those beads would help me forgive. (the forget part won't ever happen...I'm not wired that way)

    When my mother went to her priest battered, including a broken arm, courtesy of my father, the priest told her "it's your cross to bear".

    She endured too many more years of shit before she overcame the fear of going to hell via divorce, and decided hell years away, was better than eminent death and going to heaven.

  47. Wow Eden, They are some pretty awesome rosary beads I missed this time. Having religion in your youth is a powerful thing, something many can't 'shake'. I know can't at times.

  48. I grew up inside the heavy walls of religion (not mainstream religion but religion nonetheless) and it's why I'm a believer but I'm agnostic. I choose to do everything for myself I guess. I'm way too late for the rosary beads and I was probably told I was going to burn in hell a few too many times for them anyway. But they are awesome. I bet they went to a great home.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...