Friday, 9 September 2011

An empty book.

This morning started like many other mornings in this house ... using shameless bribery to get children into the car. I promised Rocco a pink cupcakie! if he got into the car, come on sweetheart let's go find one!
After dropping off various other children, I took Rocco to the bakery for his promised pink cupcakie! and he chose this one:

                   To the Little Britain fans out there - "I want that one."

I laughed and quickly stopped when I realised he was serious and was about to have a meltdown in the bakery. I can out-meltdown any meltdown son, surely you must know this by now? The German lady asked "Can I help you?"  I was SO STONY FACED to her and said oh pardon me. I knelt down to Rocco and hissed. "Mate, if you want a pink cupcakie! you can have a pink cupcakie! Not a big cake like that that is RIDICULOUS. If you start a tantrum in here right now you will get noooothhhhiiinngggg."

Out of defiance, he chose a BWOWN CUPCAKIE and was not very happy about it at all.

                                           Meh. I've seen bigger.

Then we had to take a medicare receipt to get a $24 rebate, which is located in our local Social Security payment office. There was a box of toys there which Rocco ended up playing with for TWENTY MINUTES. I had to concentrate really hard to not picture the germs swirling over those toys. My business was done in five, so I resigned myself to watching Rocco play underneath the big TV that was showing Obama talking.

                               These are the best toys mum! GAG.

Obama referenced Abraham Lincoln - I like that. I know hardly anything about American politics, but I believe Obama to be a good man doing probably the hardest job in the world.

A guy plonked himself down next to me - and no shit, took his trousers off. And changed into a different pair. Unbelievable. He looked in disgust at the TV - I was avoiding eye contact at all cost at this point. And then he says, "America's just FUCKED."

I knew he expected a response from me - probably in agreement. I just said, "Well, I don't know much about it but I just hope that most people are doing the best they can. And I love how Obama talks with such passion."

"Nuh. America's FUCKED."

America, this guy thinks you're FUCKED:


I told Rocco we were leaving right NOW - to better toys I promise! And took him to the Salvation Army. The cheaper and nastier toys the BETTER, as far as he is concerned. Heaven. He had his heart set on a skateboard dude, for the princely sum of $1.50.

                                              Best. Toy. Ever.

I bought a bunch of things that I obviously really needed, including a lonely orange seventies serving fork, a plastic platter with all twelve astrological signs, and a Sleeping Beauty book. I pay the guy $10.50 for fourteen items. And then for some unknown reason, I draw everybody's attention to one of my purchases.

"Ok, you know what I love? This Sleeping Beauty book." And I opened it up to show them:

Nothing. Empty - no pages. The guy felt so bad and tried to give me back my fifty cents - I'm all, mate! No way - I'm going to write my OWN Sleeping Beauty story in there! A lady asked, what kind?

And I replied, a dark and twisted kind! She and I both looked at each other thinking, wow. That's really strange.

And you know what the guy behind the counter said?

"Well, I'd like to read that. You should put it up on a computer or something."

I loved him in that moment. He knew EXACTLY why I bought it.


  1. Social Security office? You Ausmerican, you!

  2. Some times the empty books are the ones you learn the most from

  3. See the little cat on the cover of that book.

    A little worried.

    that is what I would look like if a man beside me started taking off his pants.

    Well, unless it was Robbie Williams I guess.

  4. Hahahaha Trousers guys is freaky! Who does that?!

    And it's not the "Social Security Office", it's the Dole office! lol

    Behind the counter dude has ESP *nods*

  5. OK, you know I'm really wishing you'd bought that iced sponge with jam and cream in the middle. I can eat those types of things until my head falls off.

    But you really stole my heart with the 'and he took his trousers off'.

  6. Kim I should have bought that BIG CAKIE! yum.

    And, just to clarify - back in MY DAY Centrelink was called DSS. The Department of Social Security. I'm not an Ausmerican - I'm just OLD!

  7. I wanna brown cupcakie and I want it nowwwwwwww Muuuuuuuuuuuum!

  8. Ha!

    "You should put it up on a computer or something." What a legend. Love it!

    As for the guy changing his trousers, well, that's almost unbelievable, except it happened at the dole office, so it's actually pretty believable. Imagine what the staff see every day, Mr Changeyourpantsinpublic is probably pretty tame in comparison.

    Still, what would his mother say, tsk tsk.

  9. Hehe we still call it Social Security too, its worth going just to enjoy the freaky factor of the other visitors, i've never had one take their pants off while spouting political opinions though.

  10. I can smell the guy in the photo, he looks like an ex boyfriend. YUCK.

    I used to work for Centrelink when it was still called Social Security. Makes me old too...

  11. I would love to read your "dark and twisted" version of Sleeping Beauty! But then again in the original version a stranger guy leans over and kisses a chick whilst she's asleep - that's wrong and twisted....

  12. I haven't slept in 2 days and I'm sardined in on a plane experiencing turbulence and hoping to land at 1am and be home at 2 to get 4 hours of sleep before tomorrow but your photo of the guy who thinks America is fucked is making me almost pee in my pants. Bad luck me that the fasten seatbelt sign is on!
    Love you kit

  13. You think that's bad? I just had the Little throw a full meltdown because he couldnt eat that cake OFF MY COMPUTER SCREEN. Lord help me if I ever took him into an actual real life bakery...

  14. Ahhh Centrelink; Home of the classy!

  15. I reckon the guy behind the counter knows who you are, secretly.

    I buy all of Boo's toys from Vinnies, they are the best! And when he is done we just hand them back over :)

  16. If you ever see that guy again, tell him we're working on it. And then tell him about our great hamburgers. Accentuate the positive.

  17. I still call it the Dss too! I hate going In there- reminds me of when I had to 'put my form in' every fortnight- back when I woulda thought the pants guy was awesome!!

  18. Haha. Me likey. I like the idea of the astroligical plate. heaps cool. I love the control on your part when rocko started breaking down :P nothing like a screaming kid to make your day AWESOME xx

  19. Mate, I love it how you keep making something amazing out of all the little bits that happen in a day x

  20. I remember the days of Social Security. These young 'uns, eh, Eden?

    I've seen many things at that place, but never anyone changing his pants, thank God.

    I'm impressed by your stealthy photography skillz.

  21. Yeah well true, back in the day it was the DSS lol My older kids have infected me with their lingo! lol

  22. Do you really mind the germs? They will help him grow a big strong immune system of his own! ^^

  23. Yep back in our day lol :-) it was DSS or (social sucks) Can't wait to see the book and some beautiful picture from Rocco in it :-) xxxx

  24. Eden, your one post on the goings on of one morning in the life of you just amazes me. You are such a colourful character, if I knew you in person I would be text-stalking you to hang out. Every morning. Seriously, how far are you from Perth?

    I just love you. *twitch* (remember my twitching on twitter?)

  25. Your day has been all kinds of wornderful.
    You should put it on the computer or something.
    I am disgusted by my little person's meltdowns - until I have flashbacks to myself (thrity years older than three) flailing around the house, throwing shoes and screaming about how I do absolutely flipping every flippin thing for every flippin body.
    Honestly, these kids are horrendous.

  26. Can you make Sleeping Beauty into a Mummy Blogger somehow? And perhaps Prince Charming pokes her in the back at 3am. The 'real' Sleeping Beauty.

  27. Love it, love your day....screw the freaky man eewhh, not sure America is rockin' but certainly not fucked.. I want me a nasty pink happy B Day cake now!

  28. Is it just me or is Mr Pants a huge resemblence to John Butler? Perhaps it's his unemployed brother, the one that (according to America) could never quite sing as great as his brother, and therefore, ended up an unemployed, America-hating, pants-changing weirdo...

  29. Who needs trips to Koh Samui or San Diego when such excitement can be had at your local shops?

    You better write that book and put it on this here computer, ya hear?

  30. Well, clearly, I'll take the opinion of the dreadlocked dude who looks homeless on the current state of my society. Guess I'd better pack up my shit and move Eh, never mind. I'll just tough it out here.

    Rocco has excellent taste in all things. That smiley face cupcake the size of his head is no comparison to the cake.

    Can't wait to see your version of Sleeping Beauty. I know it will be awesome.

  31. God I want that cupcakie...almost as much as I want to bring the word 'cupcakie' to BFE, Colorado Fucked America!
    Be honest though, did you freak a bit when you threatened no cupcakie if Rocco threw a fit? I would have. I mean, what if he would have freaked and then YOU wouldn't have gotten a treat?! Damn kids are so selfish sometimes ;)

  32. I haven't got the right words for how much I love your blog, which is a shame, because you sling around the perfect words effortlessly, and you deserve the same back.

    Just know that I am slain by your honesty and how you share your personal truth with the world. Slain in a good way. :)

    Thanks by making my day better by sharing yours. Blessings to you!!!

  33. Well, I guess if that guy thinks we're f*ed...

    I agree with you - I feel like my president is doing the best he can with what he's been given. I can't imagine having his job.

    And if you'd like, you can send me the giant pink cake for my birthday. It's in January, so that should give you enough time to get it to me. :)

  34. i like Obama. i don't care what anyone says...

    although if that guy...pants changing in the waiting room guy thinks we're fucked perhaps i should worry?

    ha ha.

    i'm totally with rocco on that pink cake though...i believe i shall start buying myself whole cakes and telling everyone to leave my cupcake alone. afterall i only have one.

  35. Cannot wait to read that rockin' fairytale!

    And PS, Obama is the man.

  36. That weird, trouserless man might just be right.

  37. Yes, to Obama, new stories of sleeping beauty, cupcakes, and little boy's toys. No, to taking your pants off in front of our queen, dread man.

  38. Toys in waiting rooms give me the heebies, man. They're always so manky. And yet the kiddies love 'em.

  39. can't wait to read that story, if perhaps you should, put it on the computer or something :)

    i'm sure that obama is most concerned that guy thinks his country is fucked.

    Tatum xx

  40. I hope the pants man was wearing undies. God bless him. And America.

  41. This post here, what I mean by BEING AUSTRALIAN IS a VERB.

    All of you, each of you, in this post.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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