Tuesday, 19 July 2011

The Queen has Lost her Crown.

You know how you have days where you don't know if you're battling the worst kind of dark depression in years ... or if you really are just a useless piece of crap? So you keep challenging yourself every day, to keep trying to maintain a healthy marriage and be a fantastic mother and nurture yourself and find your Spirit and your zen but then it all just TURNS TO DUST.

And you have a nightmare about the zombie apocalypse and you wake up and even though it was terrifying, you'd much prefer to be back in your dream because real life is too hard?

Then you chew on a piece of gum and it dislodges your temporary crown. On your front tooth. And you hold it in your hand and call your sister, half wailing. 'MY FRONT TOOTH HAS FALLEN OFF AND THE DENTIST CAN'T FIT ME IN TIL TOMORROW.'

And you're ten again. You're just a child with no voice, who the rest of the family hates and hits and you are so ugly because you are a nothing from nothingland.

Can't even smile - have not been able to smile your whole adult life, always had to hide the ugly fake tooth. Always had just So. Much. To. Hide.

::

And your sisters voice, on the other end of the line, is howling with laughter. Which is why you rang her - you need to laugh at the absurdity and the pain and the stupidness of it all. And she cares for you and loves you so much - both your sisters do. They hold you up. They are still in your life after you push everybody else away. And they convince you that the only way to deal with this situation is to upload a video onto YouTube.

And you agree.



I think there's something wrong with me. Or, it's performance art. Not sure. But MAN do I feel better!

73 comments:

  1. I'm glad you feel better...and I vote for performance art.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You will never lose your crown Eden!!! Absolutely hilarious. Off now to start my day in England with a big fat smile on my stupid face xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Also, bwahahahahahahaha...you are one hot dentally challenged chica!

    ReplyDelete
  4. NO. WORDS.

    Um.

    No, no words.

    Maybe one. FENYELLA!

    ReplyDelete
  5. ROFL! Dentally challenged!

    Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahaha. Cute. Can't say I noticed the missing crown over the singing. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I woke up with 3 pimples and hair that felt like straw. It's no match for your crown though.
    That was so funny, but where will Fenyella go when you retrieve your crown? Hehe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh god I was feeling so sick and now I feel better!
    Thank you Fenyella!
    I fucking live you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love it! My husband keeps giving me strange looks as I sit here. He thinks I've lost my shit--again! :-) I heart you, E.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So, so love you!!!! I laughed out loud in my quiet, sleeping house and made the dog bark.

    I had my front teeth crowned (broke one clean in half and might as well match them - right...it's only money..gak!). Anyway, I snuck in a phone pic of my pegged smile. Later I deleted it because I am a big wimp.

    Wish I had kept it now. I think you would have appreciated it.

    I think it's a good look....just skip the dentist. : )

    ReplyDelete
  11. you look hawt! i dare say that the offers for dates should now come flooding in and i believe you should try out for the next season of American Idol - you'd win for shizzle!

    ~x~

    ReplyDelete
  12. you are motherfucking insane.

    OMG

    Now I have to go and redo my mascara cause I am scaring the child with it running down my face.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think you're pretty hot too. Dentally challenged and all.

    Well done Eden.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

    ReplyDelete
  14. u r crazy funny...and might i say a tad talented...oh-and way brave!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. OMG, hilarious! At least you can laugh xx

    ReplyDelete
  16. you make the funniest metaphorical lemonade.

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Fenyella, my name is Brent and I live in Australia. I think u r hot and would love 2 chat. Search me under wellhungdownunder. I like motorsports, footy and havin beers with me mates. Your voice is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I just peed in my pants. OMG you are hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Fenyella is one sexy woman. Could I grab her number?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for reminding me that we MUST laugh at the absurdities of life. Is this next year's Voice of the Year entry?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh Eden, I do like you. And yes I get those days. Some days I feel like I'm back in Grade 12 hiding in the toilets. Thank you for being so damn funny and so incredibly real!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Also, thank you for 4 minutes and 22 seconds of quiet baby. She has been driving me bananas all day, but apparently you are entertaining to a 13 month old!

    ReplyDelete
  23. No words. Just Total Respect to Fenyella, yo!

    ReplyDelete
  24. You are a fucking nutter.

    How I love you for it.

    I think Brent deserves a go.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh god, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Man, if you think you're dentally challenged you aint seen nothin' (luv). I have such a fear of dentists that the last time I tried to go to one I sat in the car and threw up in his carpark. Deadly serious. That was 14 years ago and I have the teeth to prove it. Seriously almost crying even talking about a dentist.I know people say they have a fear of dentists but I would rather die...honestly... I just can't. Ever. Going to rock in the corner now.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I have double dental challenge with not one, but two capped front teeth. Apart from all the coffee and tea staining them, you'd swear they were real. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. In the dark. As for my sisters, if they sing all I want for Christmas to me one more time...

    P.S Brent sounds like a goer.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Fenyella, you rock. And you don't look 26, you're so 25 and 11 months...!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Pretty much sums up my interview on Triple J today. LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! You got me.

    ReplyDelete
  29. LOL!! Good for you turning a shitty situation into a funny one ;)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Two blooms for a penny and you had me at "dentally challenged" xxx

    ReplyDelete
  31. You just proved to me that it IS possible for my throat to be more sore with this effing cold. I just laughed up a snot ball the size of my lung. Thank you. Your work here is done.

    From one lady to another, Fenyella.

    ReplyDelete
  32. You are never nothing from nothingland. You are Eden from Edenland (and Fenyella).

    And you may have one missing, but the rest of them are fucking bright white and don't forget that!!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. You are one sexy dentally challenged lady!! Sing it baby, just sing it. ;)
    Jenn

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hilarious. I love the ongoing duckface at the beginning...too funny. I will now be cleaning the coffee off my keyboard.

    ReplyDelete
  35. what kind of bitch has a super flat stomach after having kids.
    I hate you.
    My stomach looks like I'm still4 months preggo.

    Also.
    I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  36. 18 views on youtube! I say you post it on Match.com. Along with a PayPal button
    Eden, you are beautiful inside and out. Thanks for the laugh this morning

    ReplyDelete
  37. You are SO prettttty. Dentally challenged or not!

    ReplyDelete
  38. So will you go out with me? When you come to my house, Consider Yourself At Home. Consider Yourself Part of the Furniture.

    Beauty. You are.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Mate in your own words "Blog like a streaker man" - not only do you blog like a streaker you blog like a fucken Mardi Gras Parade!!! Love your work brozone - give Fenyella a high 5 for me and pack her in your suitcase for Blogher xxx

    ReplyDelete
  40. you are seriously deranged. in a good way

    ReplyDelete
  41. Standing ovation. This is why I love you so!

    You would be the belle of the ball here in WV! Shir-nuff.

    ReplyDelete
  42. OMG Eden you are fuckin hilarious....I cracked up.....so loud the dogs were running around the house....you have balls the size of mountains & that's why I love you lots.....ps Oliver is one of my favorite movies.....can't wait to see it redone....with you as the flower lady....heart you heaps xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  43. We all have those days...but then you think of how good the great things in life feel and you realize that it's not so bad.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Watching Fenyella Vlog reminded me that you can never be too young to reqire a tena lady.

    BEST VLOG EVER

    ReplyDelete
  45. OMG Eden. Too funny. You have spunk my friend!

    And please, 26. You don't look a day over 22.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I laughed aloud and woke my brother up from how loud I was laughing. So hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  47. I don't think I could ever do something like that, you crazy lady! So brave! Yes, brave AND crazy!

    And where did your Aussie accent go? You're uber talented.

    ReplyDelete
  48. You sing and you didn't tell us at lunch?? We woz robbed!

    Side-splittingly funny, I think I need to go lie down now.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Oh boy. What a sex bomb that Frenyella is.

    You are quite possibly the funniest person alive. Thank you for cheering me up with this.

    P.S. After our Melbourne lunch I dreamt I lost all my teeth and was left with itty bitty teeth. I blame you. x

    ReplyDelete
  50. Wow, I just found you, and I like what I see! Hilarious! One can never read too many funny blogs in a day!
    Rach x

    ReplyDelete
  51. What bewdiful big teef you have Frenyella! I'se hot 4 U!

    ReplyDelete
  52. 2013?!! Haaaaa!!!!!! that was brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  53. That was hilarious. Laughing at yourself is the best medicine. You are very lucky to have sister who can make light of the day to day crazy that sometimes can just push that little bit too far.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I hope Fenyella finds a man. You rock lady.

    ReplyDelete
  55. roflmao, reminds me of when I swallowed my crown and had to save for six months to replace it.
    Fucking minties!!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  56. Therapy with performance art as a byproduct. You are an amazing human being.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Dentally-challenged. Comedy fucking gold.
    You are hot but your accent jumps in and out. You need to work on that.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Love you Eden. You are a classic. My favourite song as well. Beautiful!!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Honey, I just heard about your video, and I had to come and watch IMMEDIATELY.

    It's performance art, hon. Performance art.

    I dream of the day you and I do a little ole' vlog together. Can you imagine? SO much fun.

    xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  60. That was awesome, Fenyella!

    You will never lose your real crown...

    ReplyDelete
  61. I so love you.

    PS. Depression lies to you. It is a terrible, awesome liar and it should be punched in the balls. Repeatedly.

    ReplyDelete
  62. omg been there! oh I've so been there but never would have had the courage to make a video. Of course it happened the day before I met my future SIL for the first time and it happened in paris miles away from the dentist! before my implant, front tooth up the top I had a temp one on a plate and it snapped off the plate! 1 week without a front tooth. longest week of my life! you are one brave lady

    so funny:)
    corrie:)

    ReplyDelete
  63. Oh man, I freaking love you.So insanely good!

    ReplyDelete
  64. You are CRAZY Eden!! Inspired. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  65. What exactly did Fenyella do with your accent? Also - duckface bahahaha. Thanks for the chuckles.

    ReplyDelete
  66. hahahah I've only just seen this! I can't breathe...

    ReplyDelete
  67. LMAO!!! 'Im weeding out the wheat from the chaff'...
    Ohhh I cried laughing.. You're insane- I LOVE YOU!!!
    Tara :)

    ReplyDelete

Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...