Order in the House

“So much time, and so little to do! Strike that, reverse it.”
- Gene Wilder, Willie Wonka

I am manic. A manic maniac. Here are some bullet points.

* How the hell can I ever top Fenyella? I can't. THANK YOU for loving her as much as I do. There's a little bit of Fenyella in all of us, I think. She's told me she'll be making an appearance at BlogHer, maybe. We shall see.

* I finally have my crown. It was utterly traumatic ... my poor beautiful dentist Ros had to scrape my tooth before fixing it. I was in the chair with my legs bunched up in the fetal position, dropping the f-bomb and crying. Hard. She felt so bad ... but, it is DONE. I can now smile, broadly, for the first time in over thirty years. It still FEELS ugly, but it's not. It's beautiful. I hugged Ros and told her that she has changed the way I will feel about myself. She told me I was her favourite patient, and I said I would eat LOTS of lollies, just to come back and see her soon.

* I have a guest-poster here tomorrow. She is one of the most beautiful people the world has ever seen. I know you will love her, truly.

* I'm leaving next week to spend 12 days and nights away from home. Pretty scared about something bad happening, and keep looking at my childrens faces, drinking them in before I leave them to be half-orphans for the rest of their lives. Everything they do is cute ... ohhh, Rocco's wee on the floor is in a shape of a perfect circle! How cute! Max unpacked the dishwasher - of dirty dishes, and didn't notice! How sweet! Nothing is annoying me - I am outta here, with my partner-in-crime Mrs Woog. I love her - Woogs, I wish my kids were remote controlled.

* I hired out Magnolia to watch with Dave. We saw it together eleven years ago - in the early days of our relationship, when it was all nice. When you treated your partner like the best thing EVER. I miss those days. So I hired it out and we are going to have a date-night ... watching TV in bed. So romantic. The day after we saw it in 2000, he came into my work and gave me the soundtrack on CD. It was my introduction to Aimee Mann, and I had it on high rotation at work all day. I was a waitress. (I was the worst goddamn waitress you have ever met.) Thrilled at the surprise, in love with my guyo.

* I am still in love with my guyo.

* I have been chosen to read out a blog post at BlogHer's Community Keynote. This is a big deal. Huge. All I keep thinking is how proud my grandmother would be. I miss her. Strangely, I am not scared of talking in front of three thousand bloggers at all. Years of sharing in recovery meetings can make one a GREAT public speaker.

* Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for your comments and emails. I am so sorry I haven't been able to respond to them. I do respond to all of my tweets. Does that count? You are beautiful, Computer.

* I have started sending off the Buzzy Bees books, to those that donated. Over four hundred bucks was raised for Project 18. SCHWING! I have emailed those whose books I've posted so far, and will do the rest tomorrow. Look what Lerner from the Stay at Home Babe did the other day. Isn't it amazing! You can email her, if you want to get involved.

* I bought Rocco a Spiderman suit today. He saw it, and was so excited he cried. The mask is too big so he keeps crying because he can't see properly. He cries and cries. I want to throw the Spiderman suit in the fire and watch the scratchy nylon BURN.

                                           I CAN'T SEE, MUM!

* Thank God Dave did not come home when Fenyella was here the other day. He would have thought I'd started hooking.

* This morning I was cleaning the skid marks off the toilet - not my poo. Which was fine. I've resigned myself to being the family poo-cleaner for the next ten years. But, the lid to the toilet cleaner fell off into the toilet and I immediately plunged my hand in and kept missing it. My hand was swirling around, around in the toilet. With the not-my-poo in there.

And in that instant, I was not guilty at flying to LA at all. Not one teeny, tiny, goddamn bit.

* The title to this blog post is a joke. There never has been, nor will there ever be, order in this house. I've given up trying. It's so freeing.