Thursday, 21 July 2011

Order in the House

“So much time, and so little to do! Strike that, reverse it.”
- Gene Wilder, Willie Wonka

I am manic. A manic maniac. Here are some bullet points.

* How the hell can I ever top Fenyella? I can't. THANK YOU for loving her as much as I do. There's a little bit of Fenyella in all of us, I think. She's told me she'll be making an appearance at BlogHer, maybe. We shall see.

* I finally have my crown. It was utterly traumatic ... my poor beautiful dentist Ros had to scrape my tooth before fixing it. I was in the chair with my legs bunched up in the fetal position, dropping the f-bomb and crying. Hard. She felt so bad ... but, it is DONE. I can now smile, broadly, for the first time in over thirty years. It still FEELS ugly, but it's not. It's beautiful. I hugged Ros and told her that she has changed the way I will feel about myself. She told me I was her favourite patient, and I said I would eat LOTS of lollies, just to come back and see her soon.

* I have a guest-poster here tomorrow. She is one of the most beautiful people the world has ever seen. I know you will love her, truly.

* I'm leaving next week to spend 12 days and nights away from home. Pretty scared about something bad happening, and keep looking at my childrens faces, drinking them in before I leave them to be half-orphans for the rest of their lives. Everything they do is cute ... ohhh, Rocco's wee on the floor is in a shape of a perfect circle! How cute! Max unpacked the dishwasher - of dirty dishes, and didn't notice! How sweet! Nothing is annoying me - I am outta here, with my partner-in-crime Mrs Woog. I love her - Woogs, I wish my kids were remote controlled.

* I hired out Magnolia to watch with Dave. We saw it together eleven years ago - in the early days of our relationship, when it was all nice. When you treated your partner like the best thing EVER. I miss those days. So I hired it out and we are going to have a date-night ... watching TV in bed. So romantic. The day after we saw it in 2000, he came into my work and gave me the soundtrack on CD. It was my introduction to Aimee Mann, and I had it on high rotation at work all day. I was a waitress. (I was the worst goddamn waitress you have ever met.) Thrilled at the surprise, in love with my guyo.

* I am still in love with my guyo.

* I have been chosen to read out a blog post at BlogHer's Community Keynote. This is a big deal. Huge. All I keep thinking is how proud my grandmother would be. I miss her. Strangely, I am not scared of talking in front of three thousand bloggers at all. Years of sharing in recovery meetings can make one a GREAT public speaker.

* Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for your comments and emails. I am so sorry I haven't been able to respond to them. I do respond to all of my tweets. Does that count? You are beautiful, Computer.

* I have started sending off the Buzzy Bees books, to those that donated. Over four hundred bucks was raised for Project 18. SCHWING! I have emailed those whose books I've posted so far, and will do the rest tomorrow. Look what Lerner from the Stay at Home Babe did the other day. Isn't it amazing! You can email her, if you want to get involved.

* I bought Rocco a Spiderman suit today. He saw it, and was so excited he cried. The mask is too big so he keeps crying because he can't see properly. He cries and cries. I want to throw the Spiderman suit in the fire and watch the scratchy nylon BURN.

                                           I CAN'T SEE, MUM!

* Thank God Dave did not come home when Fenyella was here the other day. He would have thought I'd started hooking.

* This morning I was cleaning the skid marks off the toilet - not my poo. Which was fine. I've resigned myself to being the family poo-cleaner for the next ten years. But, the lid to the toilet cleaner fell off into the toilet and I immediately plunged my hand in and kept missing it. My hand was swirling around, around in the toilet. With the not-my-poo in there.

And in that instant, I was not guilty at flying to LA at all. Not one teeny, tiny, goddamn bit.

* The title to this blog post is a joke. There never has been, nor will there ever be, order in this house. I've given up trying. It's so freeing.


  1. Love the new smile, you are going to rock at Blogher!
    Enjoy Eden xx

  2. Gorgeous smile! Hava a fantastic time away.

  3. How odd, I was thinking about Magnolia just this morning. I love that movie.
    You're the only Aussie blogger that genuinely, consistently makes me LoL. Thank you. Enjoy your trip, and your beautiful, massive smile. They will love you at BlogHer.

  4. I'm so glad you're feeling as beautiful as we know you are.
    Have the greatest time at BlogHer!

    ps. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself at the not-my-poo.

  5. Cannot stop laughing. Have a lovely time away darling, you deserve it xox

  6. Have a fabulous time Eden. I am soooooo proud of you. You look and are wonderful. XXXXXX

  7. I have said it before the dental challenge and I will say it again now Ros has had her way with you: you are a goddess, a grade A goddess....xx

  8. Great smile! Although your smile and laugh has always made me smile with you xx

  9. You look beautiful . . . but you did before as well.

    Ah yes, there is nothing like constantly cleaning up after other people's poo . . . it gets to be a wee bit tiresome.

    Have fun at BlogHer and congrats on the keynote speaking gig!

  10. Rock On Frenyella. I reckon the Universe owes you just a little bit.... Soak it up, Live it up, Woog On .... And please PLEASE keep us all posted. I can't wait to read about the bad behaviour!!!

  11. Honey, whether you're Fenyella or's the same person: gorgeous, funny, inspirational...

    WOW...speaking at'll be amazing. Your reading was fantabulous at ABC.


  12. Congrats on the keynote! Fantastic!! Safe travels.


  13. The range in your posts! I love it. God I wish I could go to the super cool BlogHer and run into you. Can't wait to hear all abotu it!

  14. You got your new smile for blogher - awesome!!!!!! You do not need luck because you will be amazing when you read out your post - hope your going to get Woogs to film it to upload onto your blog.

    Have a blast, you deserve it xoxo

  15. Dentistry is ever so traumatic. I had a filling the other day and my heart was racing and I was tense and scared and I wanted to run away but then I though about people who are kept locked up and tortured for years and who live through horrific and unspeakable abuse I thought that I should be able to get through one stupid filling.

    Your teeth are beautiful and you are beautiful - even with your hands swirling around in the not-your-poo. In fact, that makes you even more beautiful.

  16. I once heard some-one say that when a song writer/ story teller/ singer can craft a song that cuts right through to the essence of what it is to be alive, is a rare an beautiful thing. anyway blah blah blah.

    watch this link and this is what you do!

    Have a great trip!

  17. Oh you are amazing and so beautiful.

  18. There may not be order in your house, but there's now order in your mouth. :) Your teeth look beautiful!

  19. Magnolia - possibly the worst movie of all time. The way for the second half of the movie the music constantly swells? Filling you with false hope it's about to end? Cruel. Downright cruel.

    I am so so jealous of you and Mrs Woog I can hardly see straight. I am occupying myself with washing and eating giant smarties to try and focus. I feel I have missed the boat. That you guys are off soaring into the blogging stratosphere while I'm swirling around in the toilet bowl with not-my-poo.

    But, BUT, this childish selfish jealousy does IN NO WAY diminish how utterly stoked I am for you at going AND at being a speaker there.

    Hmm, maybe that's what growing up is all about...

  20. No! Scratch that. I'm not jealous of you guys going - I'm ANNOYED I'm not going with you! That's it!

  21. What a gorgeous smile you have! I'm so glad I found your blog - you brighten my day especially Miss Fenyella. Have a fantastic time at Blogher and I'm so looking forward to those posts. Looking forward to receiving your book!

  22. You so have an American movie star smile. Which is just as well given that you are an American star! Perhaps you could make a movie? HANG ON. You did!

    Love that smile - you are gorgeous AND I am so proud that you are going to be reading and that I KNOW you and stuff. Well done Torlet, well done x

  23. You look beautiful! What an awesome thing to be Blogher's Community Keynote. Truly awesome!

    You'll say hi to me at BlogHer won't you? I am deathly afraid of spending the entire weekend my hotel room...if I can find one that is. Sigh.

  24. Look at that radiant smile! It will be sure to set BlogHer on fire!

    Wishing you such a fantastic and inspiring 10 days away - cannot wait to hear you impart words of wisdom on your return to cyber space!

  25. What a gorgeous smile.
    Have fun at Blogher.
    The family will miss you but be okay.
    How cool to be a keynote speaker. You are inspirational.

  26. Order is a relative term, my dear. The constant poo issues form a certain disgusting sort of order. :)

    Have a wonderful time at BlogHer. I hope Fenyella makes another appearance, because she is interesting. But if it's all Eden, all the time - that will be more than enough for everyone!

    Also, nice smile you've got there...

  27. Also, I totally didn't get Magnolia. By the time it was raining frogs, I was like "Really? Raining frogs? This movie is just random crap. WTF?"

  28. How exciting reading a post BlogHer. Looking forward to seeing you again at Blogopolopolilop - the Greek One next weekend.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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