Thursday, 7 July 2011

Now I have something to cry about.

                                     Ha'Penny Lane, Katoomba

I have not been feeling so hot. On Tuesday I was listless, blank, and morose. Sat down on the couch and did an empty cry, for no reason, feeling like a stain in the world. There's nothing wrong! Why you cry, dipshit? Exactly seventeen minutes later, the power went out.

And remains out, three days later. No hot water, no TV, no electrical gadgets. Just candlelight, hyperactive children, and my own stupid brain. It's like Universe said, "I'll give you something to cry about!" BAM. No power for you!

I don't think we will ever get electricity back, ever again.

Went to the dentist for the third time - did you know, that when you get a crown, they drill your tooth to a point? It was horrific. I cried ... but I'm halfway there! Soon, I will be able to smile broadly, with no self-consciousness, for the first time in my adult life. In the meantime, I have a flimsy kind of temporary tooth in. I really hope it holds on for one more day .. tomorrow I'm flying to Melbourne to meet the other four Ford finalists. I will sit next to Chantelle from Kidspot/Fat Mum Slim, and crack jokes about the plane crashing and she will probably wince, and I'll be all, "Is mah tooth still there?" In my best trailer park accent.

Rocco is having a hard time at daycare, and both teachers have asked me if there's anything big going on at home that they need to know about? I genuinely said no, didn't think so.

Then went home and thought for a bit.

My stepdaughter has come to live with us, my husband had a cancer scare, stepson moved out, and the little girl living with her dad in the flat above our garage is craving attention and family, so is over all the time. I continue to live life unmedicated, my therapist sacked me, and I want to punch myself in the face every day. Apart from all that, we're completely fine.

My blog has now eaten my blogroll TWICE - I will rebuild it again. Please email me if you'd like yours on there. I have a penchant for Ye Old Skool blogrolls, and I miss it terribly. I'm behind in emails, DM's, PR pitches, everything.

I don't have a media kit, a proper front tooth, or healthy self-esteem.

Today, I went to my friend Mary's house for my first shower in three days. And am wearing my mustard boots and leather jacket, to portray a tough facade to the world. But deep down, I know it's fake. As fake as my flimsy front tooth cap, covering my brown stump. This, too, shall pass.

Like a kidney stone.

::

I have been asked a lot why I weighed in to last weeks twittergate. My answer is in the comments here, over at ShePosts. And if you want to have a go at me - I know you are, but what am I?

CLARIFICATION: I'm ok, truly. My answer to this all is to blog, go home, light a bajillion candles, and play with my children. I'm leaving for America in three weeks - the world is so much better when you have something to look forward to.
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