I have not been feeling so hot. On Tuesday I was listless, blank, and morose. Sat down on the couch and did an empty cry, for no reason, feeling like a stain in the world. There's nothing wrong! Why you cry, dipshit? Exactly seventeen minutes later, the power went out.
And remains out, three days later. No hot water, no TV, no electrical gadgets. Just candlelight, hyperactive children, and my own stupid brain. It's like Universe said, "I'll give you something to cry about!" BAM. No power for you!
I don't think we will ever get electricity back, ever again.
Went to the dentist for the third time - did you know, that when you get a crown, they drill your tooth to a point? It was horrific. I cried ... but I'm halfway there! Soon, I will be able to smile broadly, with no self-consciousness, for the first time in my adult life. In the meantime, I have a flimsy kind of temporary tooth in. I really hope it holds on for one more day .. tomorrow I'm flying to Melbourne to meet the other four Ford finalists. I will sit next to Chantelle from Kidspot/Fat Mum Slim, and crack jokes about the plane crashing and she will probably wince, and I'll be all, "Is mah tooth still there?" In my best trailer park accent.
Rocco is having a hard time at daycare, and both teachers have asked me if there's anything big going on at home that they need to know about? I genuinely said no, didn't think so.
Then went home and thought for a bit.
My stepdaughter has come to live with us, my husband had a cancer scare, stepson moved out, and the little girl living with her dad in the flat above our garage is craving attention and family, so is over all the time. I continue to live life unmedicated, my therapist sacked me, and I want to punch myself in the face every day. Apart from all that, we're completely fine.
My blog has now eaten my blogroll TWICE - I will rebuild it again. Please email me if you'd like yours on there. I have a penchant for Ye Old Skool blogrolls, and I miss it terribly. I'm behind in emails, DM's, PR pitches, everything.
I don't have a media kit, a proper front tooth, or healthy self-esteem.
Today, I went to my friend Mary's house for my first shower in three days. And am wearing my mustard boots and leather jacket, to portray a tough facade to the world. But deep down, I know it's fake. As fake as my flimsy front tooth cap, covering my brown stump. This, too, shall pass.
Like a kidney stone.
::
I have been asked a lot why I weighed in to last weeks twittergate. My answer is in the comments here, over at ShePosts. And if you want to have a go at me - I know you are, but what am I?
CLARIFICATION: I'm ok, truly. My answer to this all is to blog, go home, light a bajillion candles, and play with my children. I'm leaving for America in three weeks - the world is so much better when you have something to look forward to.
You, Eden, have inspired and validated many, you have captured alot of people into your little world, this honesty and rawness is why we love your blog so much. I guess if we dont have the crap times, we dont appreciate the good ones... Good luck with the tooth (eek!) and Melbourne - you truley deserve to win this competition.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was bitching and moaning about grizzly sick twins...
ReplyDeleteHope the power comes back on soon...
Escuse me, but why the hell is your power out? Doesn't your power company know who you are??
ReplyDeleteAnd how did you post this? Sheesh.
Stupid self-esteem.
You've gone unmedicated and I was just thinking today that maybe I need a higher dose.
This too will definitely pass.
Isn't Telle afraid of flying... Ahem.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the black dog seems to have been paying you a bit of a visit, and I hope you have electricity again soon!
Thank you Miss Posy! Omg I forgot Telle was scared of flying. Guess we will both die together. Screaming.
ReplyDeleteJust Jennifer - I'm sitting in Dave's warm office, with luxurious internet connection. Mustering up the energy to go home and light the fire. Woot!
Grace - grizzly sick twins? Mate, that's ROUGH! Hope they get better soon.
Suzi - thank you! What a bloody nice thing to say. xo
It seems like the world's had it rough lately. Well, most of the deserving anyway (wait, did I just call myself deserving??)
ReplyDeleteWe got a call within 12 hours of leaving for vacation that our hot water heater was (and I quote) spewing water into our house. What carpet hadn't been ripped up from the freezer freaking out last month was ripped up and thrown in the driveway. That's what we get to go home to after our vacation tomorrow.
The day we left, I got a call that I had violated a rule at my internship, and they, knowing since January that I was going to be out of town, told me that I'd have to meet with (a) the main office and (b) my supervisor as soon as I return to town. I'm so excited.
I haven't enjoyed my vacation much. And I get to enjoy starting another class when I return.
But the point of this actually wasn't to COMPLAIN (although it might seem like it so far).
The point of this is to show that people like us, madam, are strong, and we'll make it through things like this, and we'll be like hey, all this shit happened, and we still rocked our way through it. So we had some setbacks. So we had some hell in our lives. WE STILL ARE MAKING IT!! I think that's what makes you great. You power through the rough stuff and still do what you do, and you're great at it. I admire you. Keep it up ;) you'll get through this. It might be hell now, but you'll make it. I know you will.
~Ashley~
Perpetually Me
No power for three days????
ReplyDeleteAre you the only house in the street like this? Why isn't the power company doing something to fix it. The least they could do is run you a line from the street, temporarily. I hope you aren't going to be charged for supply that you didn't get when your next bill comes in.
Jaysus, all that and it's the 1800s at your place. Thank god you can nip out to the 21st century and post a cathartic blog post or two.
ReplyDeleteBe happy. Or just be. Whatever you need. x
This post makes me want to cry!
ReplyDeleteLife is just not being fair to you right now. The least you could fucking ask for is fucking electricity!
And hey, at least the vampire thing is totally in right now. You might have some emo goth ask you to "turn them" ;)
Massive squishy hugs, Eden.xxxx
ReplyDeleteMan, you're getting a big hug tomorrow, like it or not.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm shit scared of flying.. so I'm going to be the worst companion. Ever.
See you tomorrow. x
Wow...I was feeling sorry for myself, but you certainly put it into perspective. I'm gonna go put on some sassy shoes and have a good day whether the Universe intends for me to or not!!! Sending smiles to you across the globe!
ReplyDeleteI think that when there's nothing to cry about, that's when you actually get a chance to sit down and unload all of the emotions. If there really is something to cry about, you have to shove it down and deal with the problem. It's when the problems stop that the reactions set in.
ReplyDeleteAs to Rocco - clearly you take upheaval as a matter of course in your life, but, generally, you make his life pretty easy. So when there's change, he reacts. You know what that means? You're providing a stable home for your children.
And for your self-esteem - you are clearly someone who stands up for what you believe. Not enough people do that - apparently, they're too busy criticizing others for trying to learn about the world and help others.
Just a question, perhaps I missed the post on it, but are you going sans medication just for shits and giggles or is there a reason for it? I have to admit that I am finding life medicated a wee bit better so I am curious as to why you are going without.
ReplyDeleteAh dear sweet Rocco . . . there really has been a lot going on so I can see how he might be struggling a bit at day care.
Finally, just a reminder that you are truly an awesome person with much love and strength in your heart. Hopefully your power will soon be restored, along with your tooth, and you can leave for the U.S. ready to terrorize the Yanks along with Mrs. Woog!
Jenn
Wish I were a flight attendant rostrered on your flight with Chantelle tomorrow. Not! Seriously, sending you hugs ... Consider them on lay by till nnb2011 xx
ReplyDeleteI think I must has missed the whole twittergate thing. So on that I have absolutely no idea on what happened. But it has made me quite curious.
ReplyDeleteGlad you finally got your power back. Put in a calim with your power company over all the food lost in your fridge and freezer.
hugs.
No hot water? In Katoomba? Yikes! That's rough. Although things always look better by candle-light, I'm hoping you get your "spark" back soon. In both senses. Meanwhile, rock the goth look and keep hugging that gorgeous Rocco. Three weeks will fly by...
ReplyDeleteYour right life is easier when you have something too look forward too, enjoy the states and good luck for the competition in Melbourne. You get my vote every time xoxo
ReplyDeleteHang in there. As annoying as it is to sometimes hear that, it usually is good advice. It's like saying, "suck it up" in a nice way. lol Besides, sometimes all you can do is wait out a bad spell.
ReplyDeleteWe once lost our power and it didn't come back for three weeks. Hope yours comes back sooner than that :)
I think you are stronger than you realise. If I was without power for 3 days I would have cracked it too.
ReplyDeleteBeing alone with your own thoughts can be down right dangerous or the most empowering thing in the world. Nowhere in the middle; it's always one extreme or the other.
But who would we be without our thoughts.
You are awesome Eden; love your work.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
No woman no cry, no woman no cry
ReplyDeleteNo woman no cry, no woman no cry
Say, say, said I remember when we used to sit
In a government yard in Trenchtown
Obba, obba, serving the hypocrites
As the would mingle with the good people we meet
Good friends we have, oh, good friends we've lost
Along the way
In this great future,
You can't forget your past
So dry your tears, I say
No woman no cry, no woman no cry
Little darling, don't she'd no tears, no woman no cry
Say, say, said I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in Trenchtown
And then Georgie would make the fire light
As it was, love would burn on through the night
Then we would cook cornmeal porridge
Of which I'll share with you
My fear is my only courage
So I've got to push on thru
Oh, while I'm gone
Everything 's gonna be alright, everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright, everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright, everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright, everything 's gonna be alright
So woman no cry, no, no woman no cry
Oh, my little sister
Don't she'd no tears
No woman no cry
First, I want to say I am new here and I LOVE YOUR BLOG. So much.
ReplyDeleteI hope your power comes back on soon.
And I am a big believer in crying when you need to cry, even if there doesn't seem to be a reason.
:)
Life can be such a bitch in that way, slapping you when you are down and showing you a reason to really cry about. But as you say, when there is something exciting on the horizon, something as awesome as BlogHer, it sure can bring back a bit of sizzle.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know I only know you from the blog world, but my God I'm in awe of you; someone like you should never have crises of confidence. You're writing is beyond amazing, inspiring, life altering - so I only imagine it reflects your personality too x
It won't fix anything but it will make me feel better. So I am sending you a hug.
ReplyDeleteHello! Catching up (your tweets make more sense now I'm reading your posts... d'oh. I should do this more often...) and just have to say, I owe you a hug or twenny.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you fly to the States in three weeks!!!! Holy EEEEEEK! Cannot overstate how excited I am for all you girls. xox
Oi my sassy friend, I know you're ok, we're each entitled to a bad day. I love that you armor up for yours ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd love to be on the blogroll by the way ;)
And the States?????whooohooooo
you got that right! (thanks for this post & have great fun on your trip)
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous of you. Not your dicky tooth, but your outlook. What makes you Eden. I want a bit xo
ReplyDelete