Tuesday, 26 July 2011

It's a Sign.

I have a home-made sign next to my bed.

You know how, in self-help books, they say to stick positive affirmations everywhere? Things like "I am a unique and special person." "I am worthwhile." "I deserve good things."

Well, they are all a little schmaltzy for me.

I battle with severe - and I mean HUGE self-esteem issues. My thinking can get all warped and slide into paranoia, delusions, extreme fear. It's really bad, and sometimes I spiral down so very low. Like that fucked-up dreg from a piece of soap that nobody wants to wash themselves with.

Back in Feb, I lapsed in my recovery after ten years straight sobriety. IT SUCKED. There was a chorus of naysayers in my head. A cacophony of vermicious knids, all telling me I was no good, worthless, terrible. It got so bad that it was kind of funny - I felt like some kind of serial killing monster. Surely I am not?

So, I decided to make a sign and stick it in a place that I would see in the morning as soon as I open my eyes - before the vulture sitting on the edge of my bed took hold.

                                              My bedside table.

I put the little boat there for my Spirit to go sailing every night while I sleep. There is a chunk of amethyst right next to my head. (To keep the drunkenness at bay.) Buddha has a metal fire exit sign behind him - I don't know why. My skull ring and a fifty cent piece in my favourite fish plate.

And stuck up on the wall next to that, is my sign.

                                                 YOU ROCK.

It just bypasses everything - cuts straight to the chase. I don't always necessarily believe it, and I'm always taken aback by it. "Do I? Really?"


I leave in a few days, and Dave has his mother coming up to help. She will be bringing her stinky partner up, and they'll be sleeping in our bed. I almost took the sign down today, but didn't.

Even my MIL's stinky partner needs a reminder that he rocks, too.

We all do.

Stop listening to your head.


  1. I agree, You do totally rock!


  2. You absolutely do, in fact Rock. It is fact. xxx

  3. You made a little alter. Right there, when all is quiet it all protects you, from you. You are a magical marvelous creature. I am so glad you let us in.

    Rock on sister! And, safe travels.

    PS do they sell febreeze there?

  4. You totally rock! I have affirmations on my phone that remind me of different things through out the day x

  5. I love that you referenced Roald Dahl in there. And you totally rock! So keep rocking forever, Eden

  6. you do.

    and I need to hear you say that in in person.

    We shall scream it to each other in the middle of Fed Square.


  7. I always find it fascinating that some of the people I admire the most as being brave and ballsy are actually insecure. I wonder why I'm insecure and I can't pull off brave and ballsy. It's not fair.
    *stamps feet*

  8. I love that you put that sign next to your bed. i use to do that too. As my mind takes me down that not so nice aile once in awhile. Latey to much too.
    I use to have them on my front door my mirror in the bathroom and the refrigator. Though I think I like the idea next to the bed real well.
    I may ahve to try that.

  9. "Stop listening to your head." It seems like that should be easier than it actually is. Sigh.

    But you do ROCK. Totally.

  10. I love you. That is all. Well...there's always more but today that is enough.

    XOXO from the land of potatoes

  11. You absolutely DO ROCK. You are fantabulous, wonderful, witty, and an all around awesome person.

  12. I haven't done the drugs, I almost went there with the grog, but those demons? That supersonic speed descent? Is me. I'm sliding there at the moment. Clawing the walls to stop me but merely gathering dirt under my nails and chipping them to boot. Onward.

  13. What a breath of fresh air over here at your blog today, you are so honest & that alone makes you a rock star, love Posie

  14. I love that the time difference in England means that I get to read this before I drag my sorry ass out of bed.

    Happy travels, cannot wait to read all about it

    Thank you xoxo

  15. Yes, you do. You really do.

  16. you DO rock and remember, that even if you do stumble, just hold your head held high and keep walking - if you fall, you WILL be caught by arms that you know and those that you don't.

    there are more people championing you from the sidelines than you probably realise beautiful eden.

    safe travels...


  17. You need to put these signs on etsy! Exactly as they are,you will make a fortune.

  18. You need to put these signs on etsy! Exactly as they are,you will make a fortune.

  19. Your sign says it all. LOVE IT!

  20. You do rock!! Hopefully, slowly, as each day passes you will come to believe that sign more and more because it speaks the truth.

  21. Eden, should all of your readers who believe you rock SENT you a rock, your home would be surrounded by a rock wall 10 ft tall. A wall to keep vultures out.
    I wish you could see how your brave thoughts-made-into-words inspire so many of us. Who is it that YOU admire and respect? Who blows you away with their insight and honesty? Who is it that lights the way for you?
    Because you are that person for us.
    xx Linda

  22. The thing I love about that first picture is that at a quick glance, Buddha appears to have an arrow going through his head - reminds me of Steve Martin. To me, that's just another part of how you rock - irreverence and spirituality on the same table (intentional or not).

    Have a great trip, and you should probably make a travel version of your sign. Those California people are enough to make anyone's self-esteem take a nose-dive. They're all tan and skinny and jogging all the time. :)

  23. You rock so much you should be in a band. X

  24. I think I need a sign like that because I sure forget. I also need a "Just try" sign.

  25. I am stumped to come up with what accolade comes above "love." Because I more than love this post.

  26. I was kind of excited to hear about why you picked the Fire Exit sign. You do rock though. I think that's quite obvious by your writing and your following.
    I think the hardest part is staying out of your head. Or more importantly, staying positive in your head. That's what I need to work on. For me. For my daughter. Thank you. You are inspiring me and helping me to become that positive in my head.
    Have a safe trip!

  27. I love the sign approach. I am horrible at believing in myself and am always questioning decisions that I make or how other people feel about me. Perhaps I need to make myself some signs.

  28. It's funny, I think of you as brave, cool, funny, courageous. You totally rock! It should be a given.

    I suffer from terrible self-esteem too. Really bad. It's terrible at the moment. I'm glad I'm pregnant as I'd probably be drinking either wise, which just makes it worse. I'm actually going to take a step back from the blog for a week or so, cause for some reason it's making it worse at the moment.

    Have the most amazing time. I know you'll totally rock BlogHer. xxxoooxxx

  29. Howza 'bout we trade inner critics and I'll beat the snot out of yours with a crow bar and you can run mine over with the ute?

    Hmmmm. That's too violent to be zen, not in the zone ... but it felt good to picture that for a moment.


  30. You DO rock...and so does old school Willy Wonka. I caught that ref right off. :) "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids..."

  31. You more than rock. You ARE a buddha! You are the treasure tower!

  32. I can't believe that someone as marvellously free and wonderful as you battles with self-esteem issues. I should know better than to say that, really. But I just can't believe it. FFS, you do rock. Everybody rocks. No-one should have self-esteem probs because at the end of the day you are the only you and how fabulous is that!?

    PS - sign by the bed? Kinda schmaltzy no matter what it says. But that's okay. x

  33. PS - "Stop listening to your head and start listening to your friends"

  34. PPS - Sorry, such a chatterbox today. But I wanted to say 'yay!' Look at me remembering to visit you regularly at last. Blogrolls are such a great invention. x

  35. I can't do that schmaltzy stuff either. It makes my ass ache. This? This I could do.

  36. You DO rock. This post rocks :)

    I love BOTH your signs, because we all need to remind ourselves how great we really are, and because it is always good to have an open back door when the smoke starts to build up.

    Love the fish plate :)

  37. My face lit up when I saw the picture. What a fabulous idea! I'm still smiling. Think I need one.

    And indeed you do, by the way :)

  38. I loathe vermicious knids.

    (You rock.)


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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