Tuesday, 28 June 2011

The One-Armed Mermaid

I woke up at 3.11am in a panic about my blog. What have I done? Why do I put all of my stuff on the internet? Nothing about it even makes sense.

Schlepped around dropping off boys with bribes of bouncy balls. Went to the supermarket to buy chicken and filled one basket. It got so heavy. Then I filled another basket. I felt weary. Why are there so many things, to carry through life? I had so many baskets that I bumped into the bread in the aisle and apologised ... to the bread. Nobody noticed. Except me.

My ears prickled when I heard the opening strains of "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" ... until I realised that it was just the sound of the meat-slicing machine in the deli. The deli tricked me.

Getting out of my car later, I looked at this guy.

                               Hi Buddha - why the long ears?

He's been there for years. I've never really looked at him before, like REALLY looked. Why do I even have Buddhas? What do they represent to me? Am I just being a show-off wanker? Probably.

We've had this guy for a long time. He's cracked, spilt, covered in cobwebs, and has bugs crawling on his face.

                                    What's your secret to happiness, Buddha?

He has sat there silently, on our driveway. Bearing witness to all of our trials and joys and heartache these past years. It's all the same. The good, the bad, happy and sad, fear and fucked-up. Guy's just chillin'.

                                  Even Rocco couldn't break him!

I was brought up a Catholic, even married Jesus in my white dress when I was seven. But Buddha? He's a cool dude.

I came inside and ate some boring corn thins with cheese for lunch. I meditated on the cheesiness of the cheese. We live in a world where cheese exists. Proof of God right there!

I opened my emails to one from a 17 year old girl from Georgia, America called Shelby.

Dear Eden,

I often tell my mom about your blog. "Mom, there's this neat blog. I've told you about it before. It's this lady in Australia, she's really interesting. She curses some, but it's okay. And she puts everything out there. She lives with no secrets."

My mom promptly replied something like this:
"I couldn't do that."

It always shocks me, that people read my blog. I write for a lot of different reasons, none of which I want to look too deeply at or I will start squirming. And possibly never write again. Shelby shared with me some personal stuff, which I felt completely privileged to read. Then:

" ... I find it overwhelmingly impossible to understand what it's like to have most, if not all, of your life completely exposed. I imagine it feels like a warm breeze, or maybe, a cold drink. A drink so cold that an individual can feel it slither all the way down to their own stomach."

Reading these words made me realise just how dishonest I have been with myself in my life, and exactly how honest I am now. I'm as honest as I can be. I think my life depends on it.

Shelbs, more than your cute sad-face in this post ... I love your one-armed mermaid. She has to swim twice as hard as everybody else, to stop going around and around in circles. But, she gets to swim down there in the deep .. watching all the underworld go by. Imagine that.

Thank you for writing to me. Letters like that make me feel ok about blogging again. So today, I write for you. You and Buddha.

And cheese. Thank God for cheese!


  1. Yes, it is weird when people start conversations with you in real life about your blog - be it mums at school, clients, complete strangers who know who you are, but you haven't a clue who they are yet . . . i just did a neat honest blog - the real home of a designer & stylist, it just happens to be an Army house with 4 children, now that is realistic & honest.
    My children love cheese & just last night my 7y.o. son asked if could have cheese as an anti bed time distraction & i said "no, just go to bed mate" & he said "oh, frowny face mum". Love Posie

  2. Open your heart to the God of Dairy Eden, and everything will be ok. xx

  3. Ahhh you have me thinking.

    But regardless, please do not stop blogging or change how you blog. You will come off half arsed, and your arse is good as a whole thank you very much!

  4. Wow - that's amazing. I feel for the people who aren't exposed to blogs. Just no idea what it can do for you...

  5. Don't forget, that as well as Buddha there is Cheese-us. Love your work Eden! x

  6. CHEESUS! Bronnie, how could I forget!

  7. I've had a few people email me about my blog too. It's always a big boost when that happens. Makes me feel really good about my blog!

    Duncan In Kuantan

  8. Thank God for Baby Cheeses ... I may have stolen that from Kath and Kim x

  9. "Blessed are the cheesemakers?"
    Ah, to achieve the perfect state of zen and gouda, in the garden of edam.

    I love comments, emails, even statements that people make in passing at a cookout that fill my heart like you describe...I try to remember that we influence each other and inspire in this thing we call the blogosphere.

  10. According to eastern cultures, large ears are seen as an auspicious sign & one having wisdom & compassion. That's 1 of the many explanations that have arisen to explain the significance of Buddha's long ears

  11. I personally like that you put all of your stuff out there. It makes me feel more like I "know" you... at least in some small way.

    Oh and cheese... mmmmm.....

  12. You know why people read your blog?

    Because you're real.

    It's a life. Not the creepy "Truman Show" filmed 24/7 broadcasting of a life, but it's a real human life that a lot of us aren't 'connected to' via family or whatnot. To me, you are a stranger across the world that struggles, sings, cracks me up, and makes me cry and reminds me, with every post, that we are all so very much alike. Your chutzpah to put it all out there is heroic, and we love you for it.

    Keep it real, yo!

  13. My heart totally stopped when I read this post. Totally.

    Your words mean a lot to me.
    (I keep a couple dozen Buddha's too. They're great.)

  14. I love your blog because you put it all out there. I personally don't know any other way to be, which is why I also blog. Wear your heart on your sleeve, eat your cheese, comtemplate the Buddha...it's all good. The thing is, we're ALL just trying to make it through life. You get that, and that's why people identify with you. I think I'm falling in love with you! :-D

  15. There is something about Buddha that has no reason, and no words. He is there, just there. That is what he does. Reminds us to ::be::

    I have several around my home as well. Happy, smiling and fat. Letting it all hand out.

    Blog on!

  16. I love that you gave this amazing gift to Shelby - this big but little girl somewhere far away from where you are. Such kindness. I know how she felt with the heart-stoppingness, because I've felt that, too - that excitement and joy that comes when someone takes the time to let us know that they really, truly see us.

    I read something recently about interconnectedness and non-duality, and of course I can't remember what it actually said, but basically: whatever you think is the other is actually you. So you just did the 17 year old you a huge kindness. I love that. Two kindnesses in one post.

    I live in total denial that anyone is reading my blog other than those I know and those who comment. Yay for denial!

    Oh, and I have a few Buddhas around, too - one in the garden. C likes to shout out "Buddha!" and put handfuls of dirt on his head.

  17. The statue of baby cheeses! and Cheese-us.

    I think this time around I like the comments quite a lot. You need to blog so I can giggle at the comments.

  18. If you didn't blog everything then how would I know it's Edens?
    Lunch at home is sooooo tiresome.
    Love your blog as I love everything about you.
    Not in a lustful way but for keeping it real.

  19. If you ever get over these little 3am panicky-fear-bumps, chances are you've stopped being honest on your blog. Just a hot tip for you ;-)

    I've never become completely comfortable with it, but boy-oh-boy so many of my lessons have come from the countless thousands of words I've spilled out *there* to reach *them* who I will mostly never even know have visited. It's hugely confronting. But I do it with faith and trust.

    You've taken an almighty leap, Mrs Land! And you have certainly given us far more than meditations on blessed cheesemakers in your time on here so far. I adore you. Your blog is, quite simply, like an elixir to me. xxoo

  20. You're deep even when you're talking about cheese x

  21. Thank god for cheese, in all it's glorious forms. x

  22. It's hard to be honest with ourselves. All we can do is try.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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