Last night I found myself in K-Mart with Dave and both boys. This is not a usual occurrence ... but neither is Rocco doing all of his poos in the toilet for a whole week.
We let Rocco choose a prize in the toy section. Of course he chooses the biggest, most expensive Buzz Lightyear known to mankind. He already has about four Buzz's, in various shapes and sizes. Dave and I discussed the price ($59) ... and both decided that it was worth it. I would happily take out a personal loan and buy Rocco the entire contents of this years Royal Easter Show, if it means he continues his poo etiquette.
It was too late to cook dinner (what a shame!) so the guys headed down to the local Chinese while I took all the bags to the car. I promised Rocco I would get his new Buzz out of the box, and bring it to him.
I stood in this dodgy laneway, trying to get Buzz out of the box. But he was tied in so hard .... what IS it with new toys strapped to their boxes? I thought to myself, imagine if I got dragged into a car right now. I would drop Buzz, so that when Dave came back to look for me, the new Buzz on the ground would be a total abduction clue.
AT THAT MOMENT .... this distressed chick walked up to me, asking if I could help "push-start her car while she uses the clutch" - yeah right.
And yet, I wanted to help her. This other random shifty guy walks past right then, and she asks him to help as well. I shut the boot of my car, and I remember thinking that I will bring Buzz. To, you know .... club them over the head before they club ME.
This is a true story and this is really how my brain works.
So I walk over, sizing them up, thinking of that scene in Silence of the Lambs where the murderer pretends to be a cripple to entice the chicks in his car. I imagine myself being all beat up and broken in the hospital bed, and Dave asking me WHY did I willingly go with strangers to "help." And how my answer would be that it wasn't polite to be distrustful.
I thought about running away, a middle-aged woman in red boots sprinting off without a word, clutching a Buzz still attached to his cardboard backing.
We got to her little hatchback, and to my relief, the back seat was filled overflowing with boxes and junk. There was no room to be pulled in to it and accosted! I happily helped push, she got her car started, me and the random guy walk off in different directions and I managed to free Buzz. Winners, all of us.
This new big Buzz is AWESOME. I pressed his buttons all the way to the Canton, not caring that other people were looking. I held him up and admired his fluorescence against the cold night sky.
Inside the Chinese I could tell straight away that Dave was hungry and annoyed - a very, very dangerous combination. I told him I helped pushstart a car, and to quickly order whatever he wanted. I didn't care. I was content. I was sitting next to all these other families, with my own family. Very present in the moment, and it was such a gift that I kept tearing up.
We walked outside into the freezing air, and Rocco wanted me to carry him, not dadda. Dave was up ahead trying to keep Max warm. I have two boys and a beautiful husband. I push start cars with Buzz Lightyear. I picked Rocco up and did about two sobs into his jacket. He didn't hear me.
There is nothing wrong. I feel Love and I feel Loved. Did you know you can actually weep from gratitude?