Thursday, 14 April 2011

Buzz and Grace

Last night I found myself in K-Mart with Dave and both boys. This is not a usual occurrence ... but neither is Rocco doing all of his poos in the toilet for a whole week.

We let Rocco choose a prize in the toy section. Of course he chooses the biggest, most expensive Buzz Lightyear known to mankind. He already has about four Buzz's, in various shapes and sizes. Dave and I discussed the price ($59) ... and both decided that it was worth it. I would happily take out a personal loan and buy Rocco the entire contents of this years Royal Easter Show, if it means he continues his poo etiquette.

It was too late to cook dinner (what a shame!) so the guys headed down to the local Chinese while I took all the bags to the car. I promised Rocco I would get his new Buzz out of the box, and bring it to him.

I stood in this dodgy laneway, trying to get Buzz out of the box. But he was tied in so hard .... what IS it with new toys strapped to their boxes? I thought to myself, imagine if I got dragged into a car right now. I would drop Buzz, so that when Dave came back to look for me, the new Buzz on the ground would be a total abduction clue.

AT THAT MOMENT .... this distressed chick walked up to me, asking if I could help "push-start her car while she uses the clutch" - yeah right.

And yet, I wanted to help her. This other random shifty guy walks past right then, and she asks him to help as well. I shut the boot of my car, and I remember thinking that I will bring Buzz. To, you know .... club them over the head before they club ME.

This is a true story and this is really how my brain works.

So I walk over, sizing them up, thinking of that scene in Silence of the Lambs where the murderer pretends to be a cripple to entice the chicks in his car. I imagine myself being all beat up and broken in the hospital bed, and Dave asking me WHY did I willingly go with strangers to "help." And how my answer would be that it wasn't polite to be distrustful.

I thought about running away, a middle-aged woman in red boots sprinting off without a word, clutching a Buzz still attached to his cardboard backing.

We got to her little hatchback, and to my relief, the back seat was filled overflowing with boxes and junk. There was no room to be pulled in to it and accosted! I happily helped push, she got her car started, me and the random guy walk off in different directions and I managed to free Buzz. Winners, all of us.

This new big Buzz is AWESOME. I pressed his buttons all the way to the Canton, not caring that other people were looking. I held him up and admired his fluorescence against the cold night sky.

        We did it, Buzz!


Inside the Chinese I could tell straight away that Dave was hungry and annoyed - a very, very dangerous combination. I told him I helped pushstart a car, and to quickly order whatever he wanted. I didn't care. I was content. I was sitting next to all these other families, with my own family. Very present in the moment, and it was such a gift that I kept tearing up.


We walked outside into the freezing air, and Rocco wanted me to carry him, not dadda. Dave was up ahead trying to keep Max warm. I have two boys and a beautiful husband. I push start cars with Buzz Lightyear. I picked Rocco up and did about two sobs into his jacket. He didn't hear me.

There is nothing wrong. I feel Love and I feel Loved. Did you know you can actually weep from gratitude?


  1. Yes. It is a very cleansing weep at that.

    (I was so worried that this post would end with "and Rocco shit in the restaurant"...whew.)

  2. OHN: ROFLCOPTERS! It's quite a miracle he didn't. Even if he did, I was in such a great mood I would've let him keep Buzz.

  3. Only you could get me choked up over a Buzz Lightyear story!

  4. Still laughing at OHN's comment -- I'm sorry woman but that crocodile picture is emblazoned on my mind's eye...


    (and GOD knows I need a laugh!)

    love you,


  5. Hurray Rocco! Keep up the good work! You totally earned that Buzz Lightyear, and he is most awesome.

    What a beautiful story - I hope you have many more moments that inspire you to weep with gratitude.

    But tell me this, do they staff your Kmart with the stupidest people on earth? Because that's all I ever find in the Kmarts I frequent. Every time I go there, I leave gasping in amazement that anyone could be that clueless!

  6. Love this post. And love you.

    We've got a Buzz that randomly says in the middle of the night: "I've never doubted myself before commander and I'm not about to start."

    You're my hero. x

  7. Great story! I love the way your mind works too... I would have been thinking quite similarily to you in that same situation:-)

    Stop in and give my blog a read at The Voices Within Unleashed

  8. I sure did. It's a beautiful thing isn't it?

  9. Lovely post. We have multiple Buzzes in our house too! But they keep making new ones and we can't resist. I love the way your mind works - safety first! Glad to hear it was such a lovely evening with your family.

  10. LOL! For some reason, this made me think of my grandmother who always stood on her front porch and hollered at us to "Check your back seat!" as we all piled into the car after a visit. One evening my mother, feeling oddly...ahem...playful, waited until her mother yelled the familiar refrain and then promptly grabbed her throat as if grabbed from behind. My grandmother dashed back into the house, bolted the door, and peeked out the window (what, to witness the carnage?!). The best part was that we were actually in a tiny two seater, so I am not sure where she thought the vicious attacker was hiding. I don't think she spoke to my mom for a I recall, that was a really quiet week around our house.

    Ah, thank you for that memory!

    xxx - terri

  11. yep, I do it all the time (weep with gratitude)

  12. Great post, I love it! What an awesome Buzz. Just so you don't think you are alone, all that shit would have been going through my head too.. I can hear my Max telling me I am so paranoid lol

    Weeping with gratitude is a beautiful thing.

  13. My girls ALWAYS want their father. Even when his breath stinks.
    It makes me sad.
    So I totally get how happy it made you that he wanted you to hold him.
    I love your stories.

  14. Great story. I have those thoughts all the time.(Helping strangers) and weeping in gratitude is a blessing! :)

    And congrats to Rocco for his accomplishment! Mine has only made it 4 days in a row to this point. Cherish the accomplishment!!!

  15. Does your Buzz talk? Incessantly?! I can so identify with the poo thing at the moment - no prize is too big for ongoing success...

    As I was reading your words about being in the moment with your family, among other families, I felt a little bit sad. Because times like these still remind me that my family was betrayed by the boys' father and that while we are whole, we will always be a little bit different.

    Weeping in gratitude is good. I'm glad things are good....

  16. I know weeping from gratitude only too well now. Before I realised I would never have another child, I didn't. But now, I just look at that boy of mine and cry. He's so lovely and he's all there is and I cry for the pleasure and the joy of his self. We are indeed lucky to be crying for this reason.

  17. Fantastic! I have experienced the cry from nowhere, as unmanly as that may seem. I'm a pushover for my Little Danger.
    And I must join you in frustration with toy packaging...nowadays you need a jackhammer and a quarter stick of dynamite just to get the toy out of the freakin' box!

  18. Oh, yes, I have cried those same tears

    Always with my children, who save my life, daily.


  19. I love, love, love the way your brain works.

    Now all I can think about is Chinese food. It seems my brain is in my stomach.


  20. Never thought I'd be so jealous of poop, Buzz Lightyear and Chinese food. But I am. Beautiful post!

  21. My goodness woman, you are brilliant, so honest, and so aware of your emotion... To infinity and beyond

  22. Random acts of kindness are the best things, and I have been that distressed chick, and its a real lift to your spirits when you realise that the world is not full of selfish people. If I was that distressed chick I would have been wishing you only good things all the way home - stay happy x

  23. That final shot of Rocco - is that a look of bliss or what?

    And, I think you just may have written the script treatment for TOY STORY 4 w this post. Hello, Pixar!

  24. I think like that too. Sadly it's reality in this day and age. (And now I sound like my mother.)
    Buzz looks very proud of Rocco.

  25. I really do love how your brain works! I have an image of you using Buzz Lightyear as the ultimate weapon in your escape scene! :)
    I love your voice; the rawness, the truths that you write. I found your blog a couple of days ago and I haven't been able to stop reading. Eden your story and life are truly amazing and inspiring!

  26. I'm a bit late to the party, but OMG you got Blog of Note. Well deserved, and congratulations! xx

  27. That was gorgeous! LOL at OHN's comment. Love it.

    I bribed my older daughter to poo in the toilet by buying her an expensive, obnoxious talking Elmo doll she saw guessed it...K-mart.

    I hate that we're all so eager to help and yet we're scared when we do because we've all been messed with so many times.

  28. Your son is adorable. I love the honesty of your blog, it's so much fun to read! It's one of my favorite mummy blogs in Australia.

  29. Fun blog .. quite educational for what we see these days
    -Menaka Indrani


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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