Saturday, 12 March 2011

It's a Moth, Motherfuckers.

Dave is making me a birthday coffee. Rocco is telling everybody to 'Get those candles off. Now.' .... so we could eat the cake.

The best thing about birthdays is the presents. Always has been, always will be. Except this year when my family asked what I wanted, I hung my head. "Nothing. I deserve NOTHING."

My Nothings, let me show u them. Mum bought me a pair of ugg boots. Too much?

I call it, "making winter fun." Oh and America, I have a bone to pick with you ..... Australia invented ugg boots. You can't patent the word "ugg." It's a generic word down here. You may be the boss of most things, but hands off the uggs, dudes.

Next, my sister Linda gave me a bracelet.

ONLY A BRACELET OF MULTI-COLOURED SKULLS. I just accidentally typed "multi-cultural skulls" ... perhaps they are.

Dave had asked me to "please just go pick something from somewhere hon, so I don't have to worry about it." Bless. So I did ... a light pink studded handbag from a very boutique giftshop that I never go in to because it's ... very boutique. Drunk on the power of choosing my own present, I thought I would choose something else; and looked down to find a brooch in the shape of a moth. I couldn't believe that somebody had made a moth brooch.

"Excuse me, is this a moth?"

The lady came over, so well-groomed and straight and normal and sweet-smelling. She smiled. "Yes - I think it is a moth."

"Man. That's so cool. Butterflies get all the glory."

Everybody turned and laughed at me, and I didn't really know why. I don't like being laughed at, unless I make fun of myself. I told the lady I would take the moth. And I did. I love that motherfucking moth. My sisters think it is awful, which makes me love him more.

When I got home, I opened the present from my other sister Leigh ... a huge crucifix. Like, massive. I laughed, calling her to say thank you, and how did she know I needed it for my demons? She's like, "Eden, I call a MAN-cifix." (A running joke in my family is that I need everything man-size. I would sleep straight through the night during both of my pregnancies, then do the biggest morning wee that by the time I'd finished it would be lunch. Thank you, manbladder!)

I put all of my new shiny things on, walked outside, and asked Tim to take a photo. His shoulders slumped when he saw me. He didn't ask why.

I chopped my head off .... I looked incredibly ugly. My head and I are not on speaking terms at the moment, because, you know .... it wants to kill me.)

In conclusion, I deserved nothing and got everything.


Writers for the Red Cross - how cool is that? Conjures up images of marching nerds with glasses on, carrying laptops. Check out how you can help with the Japanese earthquake appeal. I had the luxury of turning the news off today, because it was "too much" for me. I am a privileged spoilt white woman with no real problems except for the ones I create myself. Whilst wearing a moth brooch.
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