Lately, I have had the exquisite experience of withdrawing from Paxil. Wow. It will be a snowday in hell before I take anything stronger than a vitamin. It felt like bugs crawling under my skin. And my heart was on fire, head was racing. I've had a few conversations with some very trusted people around whether I really DO have a demon in me, or is it just the drug angrily leaving my body. (Jury's still out on that one.)
The electric shocks have been the worst .... like, I swallowed a taser and it travels all around my body, zapping at will. A twitchy, nervous, sweaty, fucked up human.
I kept thinking to myself ... that I felt like the guy on the cover of Scanners. I don't remember much about that particular 80's horror flick - just the schlocky, crazy video cover of this guy completely freaking out.
Paxil withdrawals turned me into the Scanners guy, man.
A couple of days ago I was in my local Civic Video with the boys. They were chasing each other and knocking crap over and I was this cranky, shouty shoutster. "YOU ARE NOT IN A PARK, YOU ARE IN A VIDEO SHOP STOP RUNNING AROUND GODDAMMIT."
They stopped. And I thought, hey - I'm in a video shop, why not see if they have Scanners?
Guess what - they did.
Behold ..... this is why I have not been able to think/write/blog/breathe/function lately.
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THIS is what I feel like when I go to pick Max up from school. Me + normal school mums in their natural habitat = panic stations.
I made a little video confession on it, for the website http://www.andnobodytoldme.com/
Check it out here. Oh and the horrible freezeframe face I have on before you hit play? TOTALLY PAXIL'S FAULT.
You know, if you actually look like the guy from Scanners, you won't ever have to talk to the other mothers. :) Can you tell I'm planning my strategy already?
ReplyDeleteI am completely horrible at small talk too. Awful. Awkward. I was going to start a support group with a coworker, but then we'd have to have meetings, and we'd all just sit around staring at each other. So I think we've decided against it...but I don't know - we haven't actually discussed it.
I hear you on the make-up armor, though. Every time I have to see my tall, skinny, pretty SILs, the mascara comes out of the deep dark recesses of my closet.
I watched and I loved. For a chick who never got taught how to apply make up, you do a spectacular job.
ReplyDeleteAnd here's the thing Eden - that whole vlog - that IS smalltalk. Interesting honest small talk.
And the other thing? All those "normal" Mums at pick up? They are just thinking what a cool chick you are. Seriously.
Lucy, my head just exploded ... it IS smalltalk. What? Wow. You are good, my friend. Very, very good. XOX
ReplyDeleteI have heard about all the weird things that happen when going off of Paxil. That is horrible!
ReplyDeleteI do remember Scanners and knew immediately what picture you were talking about lol.
Those moms are not "normal". None of us are. We're all just as fucked up as the next, some just pretend better. I am a bad pretender. I commented previously when you said you were suffering from Paxil withdrawals. I did it about 4 years ago, for four months. IT WAS AWFUL! I had bad shocks all day long and felt like a the flu basically. The only thing that made me feel beter was Xanax, and I mean instantly better. I am now newly on Prozac and it has been great. Completely different experience. I didn't feel bad going on it (physically) like I did with Paxil. I am not sure if you wanna try something different, but I would personally recommend Prozac and Xanax. Hope this helps and you feel better soon! Lisa. PS- PAXIL SHOULD BE BANNED!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI ADORED you and your post at AndNobodyToldMe.
ReplyDeleteIn a very healthy way, the adoration was, though, not the altar in my home type.
I feel just the same way about the child pick up time. BUT now that I am also equipped with the power bracelet I saw you wield?
Those mums have nothing on me.
I'm going to say mums, too, now, airquotes and all.
Maybe you just need a cool bath. That guy looks hot. And a little dirty.
ReplyDeleteomg I just went through the same thing. It was awful. I actually had serotonin surges on Paxil which made my heart race to scary levels and caused me to shake all over. After six days with only two hours of sleep each night and sore achy muscles because I literally could not stop twitching, rocking, and fidgeting, I called the doc. He made me stop it immediately. It's taken me about two weeks to feel human again, which is pretty horrible considering the anxiety and depression I was trying to battle came back full force too.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! I know that shit sucks!
What a fun blog! Love your humor! And congrats on the B.O.N. :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! I just happened upon your blog. I feel like you let me peek into your heart. Thank you. No way can I remain anonymous. Even with a unique name.
ReplyDeleteI realize I've lived a sheltered life. Will check out Scanner immediately.
I had the same withdrawal symptoms from Effexor - and of course, my lovely doctor told me she had never heard about it. It was horrible! It also lead to panic attacks which lead me to take Ativan. Great eh?
ReplyDeleteFirst comment, LOVE this blog. Paxil withdraw is HELL in a hand-basket. Sucks so bad. The brain zaps, holy crap. They don't tell you that when you pick up your first 'scrip, do they?! I am getting off Valium right now. It's 10000x worse than Paxil. I hate it.
ReplyDelete