Thursday, 24 March 2011
See that chip? That's the most stupid and embarrassing chip in the world. I got it yesterday, after a round of applause and some fumbling.
Six weeks ago I was this Queen of the World with my big fat supposed recovery driving a big fat fancy car. Then I crashed ... metaphorically and physically. Right now my fancy car is in the smash repairs, and I am driving around in this shitbox, crunching the gears man because seriously ... who the fuck knows how to drive a manual car these days? Max just shakes his head next to me, when I'm crunching and revving and bunnyhopping along the road. "Ok Max, it's not fourth ... no, not second either .... oh it's third! We need to be in third!"
Max has the patience of a Saint and the heart of an Angel and he teaches me how to be a good human. Every day.
So it's fitting. I am utterly humbled. So very grateful - that I put the brakes on. That I stopped, and asked for help. I loathe asking for help .... I'm pretty sure my real dad loathed it too.
My friend said to me recently, "Eden, if your boys lost you ... their sun would go from their world."
Ahh. It makes me instantly cry, when I think of her words.
I could write volumes on addiction, and recovery, and what it all means and journeys and getting broken open. Volumes and chapters and reams of writing. I am such an expert .... an expert who knows nothing. I never want to get another chip like that ... that stupid and embarrassing chip; that One Chip, to Rule them All.
My whole existence hinges on that chip, man. I love that little tin chippy chip.
I have to turn comments off on this post. I'm so behind in .... oh, only everything in my life right now. After a big weekend, I was listed in Blogs of Note. It's all exploded and it's completely freaking me out.
Q) What happens when your blog becomes "big?"
A) I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
I can't receive any praise .... it's like I was drowning and was thrown a life jacket and I put it on straight away. GOLF CLAPS! Is it not a no-brainer, to put the life jacket on? I guess a lot of people don't. And they drown.
My dorky life jacket is on, looking pretty uncool. I'm bunnyhopping around town like an idiot.
Making my boys laugh, turning their heads towards the sun.