Breaking Buddha, Carrying God.

The Buddha on my back deck once got ripped off by the wind in a big thunderstorm. It was pretty cool. Dave picked him up, cut off the broken parts, and attached it onto the post again. Every time I look outside to the mended Buddha, I feel peaceful. He's just so fucking ... zen.

I have a Buddha statue that goes into our Jesus nativity set every Christmas. I'm pretty sure that's sacrilegious. Most meaningful things are.

A while back, before a trip away, I went into my local Catholic giftshop, to buy a Saint Christopher medallion. Christopher was this big tough guy, the Patron Saint of travel.

He helped a child across a swirling river one day, they both almost drowned. Christopher said that the whole world could not have been as heavy on his shoulders than that child; the child then told him that he was indeed carrying the whole world, because the kid was actually Jesus.

I guess that's the origin of the term, "carrying the world on your shoulders."

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The past few weeks have been some of the most intense of my entire life. All seemingly played out on my blog. It's like, writing my memoir in real time ... pretty strange if I think about it too much, so I try not to think about it.

Dave has this annoying habit ... of keeping our bowl of Angel cards RIGHT next to the toilet in the bathroom. Every time I see them there, I'm reminded of a study done once on free bowls of peanuts in bars and clubs, and how laden they are with urine and E.Coli.

Dave obviously feels the most Spiritual in the middle of taking a crap. Hey, whatever works. (Last week I did something wrong, and he was SO cranky. He held on to it for a few days .. one morning I noticed he had pulled the "forgiveness" card out. It took all I had not to grab that poopoo card and stick it in front of his face.)

So today I went to the bathroom, and clipped the bowl with my arm. All of the cards scattered everywhere, all over the dusty books and the floor, cascading down the back, getting caught in crevices. As I picked them all up, I caught myself silently thanking Universe. For giving me all the cards. For giving me. Forgiving me. I have so much Light and joy in my heart these days it's kind of embarrassing. And disconcerting. My brain tells me to enjoy it while I can, that the world is just toughening me up before the next intense crisis hits.

Which I'm utterly content with. Bring it, Buddha.