Friday, 18 February 2011


Angelina Jolie has a Latin tattoo: "Quod me nutrit me destruit." It means: "What nourishes me, destroys me."

I get it - I really get it. Sometimes, the thing that used to nourish you almost completely destroys you. Almost.

This plant is in between our house and garage. Every time I walk past it, I think, "That's me."

And I'd feel all serious, maybe even a bit pious. It's just so symbolic .... that plant wasn't growing very well at all until the pot blew over in a storm and cracked open. Now, the plant thrives in a broken pot.

For a few years I've watched the deep purple leaves grow and bloom. It really is magnificent. I thought that was the end of the story .... but it's not.

The other week, it suddenly dawned on me - I need to transplant the deep purple plant to a new, unbroken home. You can't grow in a broken pot forever. Sooner or later, you'll end up dead.

I can pat myself on the back all I like; that the things I used to do in the world I no longer do. I am responsible and free and a soccer mum goddamit. And still, sometimes, out of the blue comes a flash or a bolt or a pang of an insatiable need I thought was long gone.

So I bit the bullet and locked in the dates for some stupid intensive counselling. I need to get out of my stupid broken pot.


  1. That's amazing. What a poignant metaphor.

  2. Good on you. I understand that. I truly do. Our paths may be different, but I get it, I know that feeling. Love and light to you. xxx

  3. Xxxxxx.

    I don' t suppose you wanna play at wicked ink with me Monday? 11.00am appointment.

  4. I'm in a bad place right now. I'd love to comment something poignant, but I can't get it together. Bleh. I hope your intensive therapy and 'repotting' go well. Love. xx

  5. something is happening, you know, 'out there'. Massive full moon, crazy solar flares, everyone I know is dragging themselves though their days and nights or exploding in anger, terror or tears. that's not to dismiss the stuff that is bubbling up, just that it might be bubbling up because the whole goddamn universe is havung a little meltdown. I'm hoping that's the case because things are really really weirdly hard in my world this week, and I need a rest from it. If this all sounds ridiculous, I'm sorry and good luck with the hard work you are going to do, i'm sure it will help.

  6. Megan, mate that does not sound ridiculous at ALL. Maybe it's the end of the world? Although, I've been waiting for the end of the world since I was nineteen. Maybe every day is the end of the world?

  7. I agree with Megan, that there's something solar going on. I'm checking out astrology sites to see what's happening in the planets.

  8. Yep. checked Jonanthan and there's a full moon - no wonder me and by the looks of it, shitloads of other people have been feeling odd.

  9. Addiction is a battle that isn't fought once but over and over and over again.

    Good for you to get some couseling. Hopefully this will pass soon.

  10. You are stronger than that shit! Signing up for some intensive head-cracking cause you think you need it proves it. Transplant yourself babe - and fertilise that new soil well.

    But I have to respectfully disagree with E - sometimes you can fight your battle once. Memories are memories, hurts are hurts, yearnings are yearnings but you won that war a long time ago. As did I and we both rock.


  11. LIfe is hard lovely. It's okay. This life is heartbreaking and sometimes breathtaking beautiful -- and sometimes brutal.

    I'm joining you in the search for a professional -- G looked at me the other day when I was dissolving in anxiety over Z eating and said "seriously, do you need an atavan?"

    Um. Well, as a matter a fact I might.


    I'm with you -- you know that, right?


  12. Best wishes on the counseling.

    Maybe the cracked pot gives your roots more room to grow and bury themselves. I guess it depends on how you look at the pot. Any way you look at it, I hope the new soil is rich and hearty.

  13. Brilliant post. I just love that analogy. Damn.

    Let's clink Virgin Mary's to 'relief.'

    xxoo D is always here. Mwah.

  14. Good for you. I am also in therapy now and it is helping me. Along with a bit of Prozac. And yes, the world is going to end, maybe in 2012 I have heard. So we will all be in our therapists offices becoming more sane and "NORMAL" and when we walk out all new and improved, there will be nothing left. Nada. But we will FEEL better. HA!!! I may need to repot me as well, thanks for the great post. And good luck. Lisa

  15. Good luck with your transplanting...

  16. hearing and nodding in furious agreement with everything in this post.

    i love anges tatt and it's one i've considered getting for myself more than once.

    you're getting counselling - kudos to you, a step i haven't taken yet.


  17. I'm going to go a different way here --

    For the love of god, unless you adore that plant and want it all over your landscaping, do NOT move it out of a pot.

    That stuff spreads in open soil, and it is almost impossible to kill off.

  18. That was beautiful. Well done and good luck!


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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