It's Sunday morning and Dave is sitting on his throne. We just had a laugh together about how we can't have nice things .... maybe in ten years, we'll be able to have nice things. Everything gets wrecked, when you have young children. Everything gets renewed, when you have young children.
Everything is so precarious and scary. We must live anyway.
There were two snakes, at our front door. A taipan, and a red-bellied black snake. It was because of the heatwave ... they came close to us, looking for some water from the dogs bowl. Every time I go outside, I am terrified that the snakes are there, waiting to strike. Under the car! Next to the bin! Never go outside again ... don't you know what could happen!
Yet, I still go outside. I have to. I cannot live in this Fear forever. There's going to be snakes on every corner .... right next to the Guardian Angels.
Today I will take the boys to the pool. Rocco will kamikaze jump into the deep end, and people will stare, as usual. And make some remark to me about him, like they always do. And I will laugh and say that's why he is wearing a heavy-duty hardcore lifejacket. I grew tired of running up and down and around ... I let go and Trust that the lifejacket will save him. It always does.
For some reason I promised both boys I would take them to build their own bears, down at the mall. Max - my gangly pre-teen, is *so* excited. He is still little. He is still mine.
Dave must take a father back to jail after his weekend leave. There's always somebody to help.
Last week, I cried to him. Sometimes I need help too! And he was as shocked as me. I tell him we need to downsize everything and live simply. Nothing changes.
Maybe we just need to simply live.
I realised this week that everybody is in the same boat. We are all just muddling through, trying to do the best we can.
I dream of the house of my childhood - I thought those dreams were over, long ago. The past has this annoying habit of lying in wait, waiting to bite you when you least expect it. Like a snake.
I have watched this particular version all week. She kind of breathes her Soul into it.
I want to breathe my Soul into everything I do.
Otherwise, what's the point?