It's Sunday morning and Dave is sitting on his throne. We just had a laugh together about how we can't have nice things .... maybe in ten years, we'll be able to have nice things. Everything gets wrecked, when you have young children. Everything gets renewed, when you have young children.
Everything is so precarious and scary. We must live anyway.
There were two snakes, at our front door. A taipan, and a red-bellied black snake. It was because of the heatwave ... they came close to us, looking for some water from the dogs bowl. Every time I go outside, I am terrified that the snakes are there, waiting to strike. Under the car! Next to the bin! Never go outside again ... don't you know what could happen!
Yet, I still go outside. I have to. I cannot live in this Fear forever. There's going to be snakes on every corner .... right next to the Guardian Angels.
::
Today I will take the boys to the pool. Rocco will kamikaze jump into the deep end, and people will stare, as usual. And make some remark to me about him, like they always do. And I will laugh and say that's why he is wearing a heavy-duty hardcore lifejacket. I grew tired of running up and down and around ... I let go and Trust that the lifejacket will save him. It always does.
For some reason I promised both boys I would take them to build their own bears, down at the mall. Max - my gangly pre-teen, is *so* excited. He is still little. He is still mine.
::
Dave must take a father back to jail after his weekend leave. There's always somebody to help.
Last week, I cried to him. Sometimes I need help too! And he was as shocked as me. I tell him we need to downsize everything and live simply. Nothing changes.
Maybe we just need to simply live.
I realised this week that everybody is in the same boat. We are all just muddling through, trying to do the best we can.
::
I dream of the house of my childhood - I thought those dreams were over, long ago. The past has this annoying habit of lying in wait, waiting to bite you when you least expect it. Like a snake.
::
I have watched this particular version all week. She kind of breathes her Soul into it.
I want to breathe my Soul into everything I do.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Sunday, 6 February 2011
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"We are all muddling through..."
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I'm muddling along too. x
I love you, Eddie.
ReplyDeleteWhile not as hardcore as Rocco, Dylan is the family madman by previous PaleChildren standards. We are terrified how UNafraid he is of the water (hopefully he will at least learn to swim very quickly as a result). We have the super life vest, too. It was a thing of beauty to see him plunging around and enjoying himself this summer ... except we were not sure his three year old brain could comprehend the diff between vest and NO vest. At one point I was filming him and Mike was playing with the big kids ... Dylan had his vest off (Mike insisted so that Dylan might have a chance to put two and two together and realize he actually CAN'T swim yet). While Mike's back was turned ... bam ... he plunged right off the steps he was standing on and sank like a stone. I screamed (too far away to help) and started cursing (hopefully just in my head, because we really like these beach condos). I flipping KNEW that was a bad idea (don't you hate it when you know better, but you let the dad decide anyway?). So much for that quaint video. I seem to end up cursing a lot in family videos. You know what posterity will think of me. Sigh. (I don't care. It doesn't matter. I don't care. It doesn't matter. ...)
XXOO
Muddling right along with you my friend.
ReplyDeleteMuddle muddle.
XO
Love,
P
My husband always tells me that we should get rid of everything and live simply. I like to laugh at him, because we do live simply...in relation to others. Not in relation to people in third world countries, though, which is where he imagines he could be happy. (FYI, he's crazy. He needs air conditioning to live.)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I don't have a daredevil. I would be in the grips of a constant anxiety attack...
I love that Max is still little boy enough to make a bear with his mom. That really touched me - my nephew is almost 8 and I am so scared of the day when he's too old for cuddling and kisses and loving on his aunts. That'll be a sad day indeed.
ReplyDeleteyou're right we are all just muddling through, concentrating on getting to the end of each day intact, still breathing, still hopeful that tomorrow will bring us more, or less, or perhaps just a different day.
ReplyDeletewe all do the best we can with this life, some days we do better than others, some days we fall down, others we manage the whole day with no support, others we need as much as we can grab hold of.
there is no right or wrong way to live this life - keep doing what youre doing because youre rockin it - as always my dear eden.
~x~
ps im nicking this for a post
I want to breathe my soul into everything I do, too. I love that. Muddling along with you. xo
ReplyDeleteI'm muddling along in a pool of sweat x
ReplyDeleteI take things day by day. It is the only way to get by. And in the hard moments I try to remember they will end. I try to remember that in the good moments too.
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel like I live in a frat house. Except I don't expect frat houses have crayons on the walls.
Fantastic post Eden. Just great. We're all muddling and we're all making it up.
ReplyDeleteHey Eden, thanks for being real.
ReplyDeleteWe have been muddling along every day since we met on the bus with my jelly bean folder. It's good to know I am not the only one.
I love your blog and look forward to reading it. You are so clever. Love you heaps X Tess
I'm also muddling. And missing you a ton - just wishing we lived on the same block. C has been requesting your book a lot, lately - he todlies over to me holding it, saying "Bee! Bee!" We both love you like crazy.
ReplyDeleteMax reminds me of my oldest nephew, O. He turned 7 today. The thing he wanted most for Christmas was a jack in the box. He got it and was absolutely thrilled to bits. I love those boys who can stay tender-hearted.
I have been compiling a mental list of recipes for you, too - you can save them for the winter as they are all cozy comfort food type things, but very very good.
Wrecked...renewed...I'm going to be thinking of that for a long time.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Your blog has got to be my newest fave find. So glad to have 'met' you. I try to live by that too and very practice breathing my soul into everything I do. And constantly trip up and go 'ah yeah, forgot the soul bit' when I'm licking my wounds.
ReplyDeleteAnother muddler here.