Sunday, 12 December 2010
Blogging in Australia, Ogilvy, making new friends, parenting unplugged, a lost little girl, work/life balance, mess, a product review, forgiveness, and a U2 concert. These things all walked into a bar together ... except the bar was my head and I never learnt SEO can you tell?
We needed to get out feet wet together. I needed to stop rushing .... the most often-used two words I use with my kids: "Hurry UP." I let them stroll. Meander. Mosey .... and mooch.
It was heaven. Our heartlights shone brightly, warming us up. Nothing was more important. I have neglected them, I know it. I thought back to the night before Dave and I went into our respective hospitals ... me to birth Rocco, him for exploratory surgery to see how bad the cancer was. The most important thing in the world to me that night, was not to talk to my sisters up at the table; or hold Dave's hand.
It was to teach Max how to play Uno. That was me, being a good parent, right in that moment. Not howling, like I actually felt like doing. It was spreading my huge belly on some cushions on the floor, calmly showing my guy one of my favourite card games when I was a kid. Pretending everything was ok. He loved it .... we have never played a game of Uno since. It was the only one. I found the pack again recently, shoved into the bookcase. I threw the whole pack in the bin, wastefully. Angrily. (My whole life since that time feels like the hugest mess. One day I will be ..... better.)
Last week I drove down to Ogilvy in St Leonards, to host a panel with two other Australian mumbloggers on how PR agencies can best do blogger outreach. (Um, Mrs Woog - where you been all my life?)
My accidental blog has found itself on the crest of the blogging wave in Australia. I used to work in advertising, and I used to live in St Leonards. I drove past my old house and shuddered at the memories .... remembered how my old boss shouted into the lift when I left my advertising job in disgrace: "Eden, get help!"
I walked into Ogilvy with sweaty palms - but remembered I don't have anything to hide, because they've probably read my blog. Strange. It went well. Many years of recovery meetings have made me a good public speaker. They are all so nice there .... good-looking and talented and smart. (cough cough LUCIE cough) I wished I had a proper career, back in my day. Almost.
Last Friday I went out on the town with some beautiful women and it was a blast. My heart is open for business again ... good friends are a real blessing. They didn't forget me, after these few years in self-imposed exile. (Kings Cross is waaaay shiner than I remember it. Also .... why do young women of today dress so slutty? It was hard, picking the real hookers from the fakes.)
This past weekend a little girl came to stay at our house. It was hard because it added a different dynamic to our group of ratbags ... and Rocco annoyed the hell out of her. I felt love and empathy for her, this damaged tiny Soul. We went to the doll aisle at a toystore ... I saw rows of Barbies and Bratz. (Are Bratz not terrifying to mothers of girls?) We decided on one together, then we went to the chocolate shop, then stopped at three parks on the way home. She declared it the best day ever.
I wrote my first (and probably last, at least on this blog) product review. It will go up here in a few days. I hope that's ok.
My mum and I are going to see U2 together on Tuesday night ... two more sleeps. She bought the tickets for us. I'm going to teach her how to do gangsigns, and live-tweet the concert. We are giddy with excitement. My mum and I used to lie down on the cheap nylon carpet floor, at a pokey rented house in Camden, during the last year of the eighties, and listen to "Love Rescue Me." And cry. We would tell each other that one day, the last verse would come true for us. It HAD to. The night of my wedding I looked at her and told her that the last verse had come true.
So there is all of that, and much more, happening right now.
Yet, the most important, vital thing ... was taking these two boys for a walk. Listening to their stories, opening their hearts, watching their discoveries. Max showed Rocco how to make a fairy garden, as I had taught Max years ago. Rocco wanted to explore everything, insisted on walking barefoot, and then got tired so we had to give him piggybacks.
Mozzies feasted on our ankles. I almost fell over and Max saved me.
I think that's what love is, taking it in turns to save each other ... over and over again.
For the first time in my life, I have a list of new years resolutions. There are so many ways I can be better, can change, do things differently.
It even has a title: "MORE FAIRY GARDENS."
The last verse to "Love Rescue Me" by U2:
I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me