Vlog: I wasn't joking about the performance art.

Once upon a time I was twenty years old and felt so bad, so low, that I wished I was dead. One night I wrote a poem, about the tooth fairy and how sad that I'd grown up and she wasn't there for me anymore. I sang it to a tune, and hey presto, had accidentally written a hit song.

For many years, I sang it when I was drunk .... usually in taxis, mournfully. I taught the song to my sisters and my cousin, but I've always had it in the back of my mind that one day, my song might get discovered and I could be a real singer, maybe make a thick wad of money.

Guess what? I'm not going to be discovered. I'm too old for Australian Idol and X-Factor. It seems a shame to keep the song to myself .. because it is a bloody good song. So, I'm handing it over to you. This is the song of a chick who finally got herself together.

No longer do I vomit out of cars, stagger stagger crawl crawl like Yellowbeard. No longer do I wish I was dead ... quite the opposite. I hope and pray that my face grows weathered and wrinkled, my hair goes white. Wouldn't that be fabulous?



This weekend I will be ten. It is said that whatever your clean time is ... is your emotional age. So, I don't have to be mature for another ten years. BOOYAH!