Thursday, 28 October 2010

There is no spiritual ailment that the songs of the Red Hot Chili Peppers cannot fix.

I usually walk around the world trying to conform. Today is not one of those days. Today I will not hide my tattoos.

The end of my tether. Whatever image I portray to the world ... I am not that, today. Today my house is bulging with mess, my inbox has exploded, the vulture at the end of my bed when I woke up greeted me with bile. It's been a while.

The ringworm on Rocco's leg is almost gone. I have remembered to rub tinea cream into it twice every day. Max has a swollen finger .... perhaps a beesting, or a teeny sliver of glass. We're not sure yet. Tim is a big strapping boy-man. We have had a hard week, been annoyed at each other. The trickiness and second-guessing of step-parenting crept in. He was in bed the other night; unprompted I took him up a cup of tea and a freshly baked iced vanilla cupcake. He was surprised as I am. I want to teach Tim that families stick together - even when you hate each others guts, you come back and love them. Feelings pass. If I can teach all of my boys this at their ages .... they will have a much bigger head-start in the world than I did.

When I made the cupcakes, I licked all the batter off the mixer and bowl. And when I iced them, I ate so much icing that there was only the barest whisp left for each cupcake. I marvelled at my gluttony, again. At the bottom of my bottonless gluttony lies an insatiability of things that almost killed me.

Icing won't kill me.


This morning as I scraped cereal off the kitchen table with my fingernail, I thought about the element of water ... how it's a constant thing in this strange physical world. I wonder where the amniotic fluid surrounding me as a fetus has travelled and passed along? The Ganges, or the Nile. Or pouring out of a rusty tap in Africa.

Maybe some of those same atoms spilt onto my head on my way into the car this morning with all that rain, christening me anew. I hope so.


  1. I love this post – raw, honest and true. You're boys are lucky and blessed to have you, they really are.

    My little girl has a swollen finger too, we're not sure what it is either.

    Let's face it - icing tastes so much better from the bowl than on the cake.


  2. I did mean 'your boys' too.

    I think I need some cupcake icing!

  3. Hope the boys' ailments go away - that is never fun.

    Your thoughts about water got my mind wondering the same. Wish we could get those answers.

  4. That's a great lesson you're teaching your boys - it's hard not to let one situation color your whole world. I'm impressed that you can manage it - I certainly can't. :)

  5. I love you. And I love this post. The way you don't hide is the absolute best.

  6. Mwah! (shortest. comment. evah.)

    XXOO D. was here.

  7. Raw, pure and honest - THE best form of blogging, the only way to blog imo.

    As always - you rock.


    p.s. I'm struggling in Merry ole England - other side of the world and 3 weeks is too far and too long for this chickadee to be away from her soulmate!


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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