Wednesday, 8 September 2010

The Fat Suit

So I've put on weight. And I can't lose it.

I mean, I can - it's just harder than it used to be. I know I need to do some serious exercise, eat less and move more boring boring blah ... but usually I do all that in two days and I'm skinny again.

I'm not skinny again. So what do I do? EAT MORE. I've totally gorged out on chocolate and bacon and the kids school snacks. Thrown caution to the wind. Hell, may as well eat now before I start dieting. But it's jiggly. And I keep putting jackets on to cover myself up. My arm flab is pretty impressive. It just doesn't feel very nice.

I rang my sister Linda the other day, talking talking. Then I was all, "Oh that's right, I had to ask you something. So you know how I'm all FAT now - (she laughs) - well, I actually have to tuck my gut into my jeans now. Like a shirt. Like, a shirt made out of actual fat that I have to tuck in. Do you ever feel like this??"

Pause

"Well Eden, considering I've had extra kilos for ohhhh, I don't know ..... MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE, I hadn't really noticed this predicament before. But I'll let you know - TOMORROW MORNING when I'm getting dressed. Thanks for that."

I told her she is so welcome.

Today, my stomach was so gurgly and full of gas, I had to start treating it with some respect. I ate some dates for breakfast, an organic soup for lunch, battled with myself in the afternoon as I eyed the chocolate biscuits, but made a big fresh juice instead. Carrot, apple and ginger - a huge amount. I totally tricked my stomach into thinking it's full of food.

My friend has started teaching Zumba classes, so I'll give that a go this week too. Then, once I look a bit better, I can regain my place at the gym. Because there's no WAY I'm wearing a skimpy t-shirt and leggings any time soon.

I feel like a crap sandwich (mmmmmm, crap sandwich) .... you know how all the gunk comes out and you get headaches? Yeah. But I know within a few weeks I'll feel amazing. There's a half-eaten family size box of my favourite chocolates under my bed though. I'm going to have to ask Tim to remove them from this house, stat.



Because I'd really like to see my feet properly again sometime soon.
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