Wednesday, 18 August 2010

I'm on a boat.

Well, not actually on a boat ... but I *am* in Bali. We made it here late on Monday night, after flying from New York to Sydney, Sydney to Denpasar.

It's ridiculous. The scenery and the weather and the smells and the people. THE FOOD. Local time is 6am now - 8am in Sydney. 11pm in New York.

I've stopped eating burgers.

I miss my boys so much that I can't believe I even actually have any children. Max has had a tummy bug, vomiting - Rocco is on antibiotics from a really dreadful cough. And mummy is staying in a luxury villa in a third-world country, wearing luxury shoes.

Yesterday, we were in the street market and kept walking past a beggar woman holding her baby. She was saying "Baby hungry. Baby hungry." We ended up giving her some money. I knelt down and cooed at her baby. She pointed out a rash on his wrists and arms. I asked if this was her baby and she said yes.

I hope so , hope she wasn't using it to make more money from begging. I put some money in her hand, her eyes wide, she quickly got up to leave because she didn't have to beg any more that day.

Dave thinks she will be back today.


Amazing as it is, something doesn't sit well with me about being "served" by the local people. It reminds me of when I lived in Fiji as a child .... even at five years old I felt guilty, that it was their country but they were so submissive. I asked Dave what he thought of the local population being so dependent on tourism - should they not grow and develop on their own? He laughed and told me that even Australia is dependent on tourism .... most countries are.

I guess. I just keep thinking about that babies beautiful brown eyes, how he wasn't wearing a nappy ... and the mother grabbed his little hand and waved it at me.


My mum is back at my house, manning the fort. I keep ringing her, to see how the boys are. I stood at Sydney airport the other day, crying on the phone, not wanting to come to Bali at all. But Dave wouldn't let me cancel, and mum has it under control.

Every time I have been away these past few weeks .... seeing children has made me stuff my feelings underneath inside somewhere. I can't wait to kiss them and hug them and promise to be there for them forever. To be present and patient and not yell and make them read more books and let them run free.


Soon we will be home and this whole holiday will be over. I have so much to say, so much that I learnt and saw and realised. But right now, Dave just crept up and jumped in the pool and scared the SHIT out of me. Now he's singing .... "On my own .... in Bali. Yeah my wife's on the computer and I'm on my own ..... in Bali."

So I better go. One more hour until breakfast is served - I'm on a strict diet now. The memory of Five Guys Idaho hand-cut-never-frozen-cooked-in-peanut-oil-fries taunts me, softly.


There are so many beautiful carvings and stone sculptures and paintings .... the ones that really caught my eye yesterday were ones like this:

Freaky and weird and red and crazy.

The picture is too.


  1. Mwah! Soak it up!! And you know when you get back you'll be regaining custody of the sun ... so sorry we have to split it. So it'll be all downhill from there.

    That idol is really something. Wow. I can see why it caught your eye.

    Can't wait to hear everything you have to say.

    PS We are leaving for two weeks at the beach on Friday or Saturday. I will only have spotty internet, if that. When I return, it's immediately back-to-school and the descent into winter. DAAAAAAAMN this summer went fast. XXOO Kiss Linda for me and tell Dave we love him, too, Awesome Suit Man.

  2. Leaving your kids is always a killer. My work, for an Australian University kept me away from my son for three weeks at a time about 6 times a year. Once I had my daughter I just couldn't do it to both of them. It was hard enough to be away from one, so I know how you are feeling Eden. But you'll be home soon with lots of hugs, kisses and presents and they'll forget you ever left.

  3. Enjoy Bali -- a totally different type of charge than you get from New York! (says somebody who knows both places well). I know what you mean about the tourism/service aspect, but depending on where you are in Bali you can see local people really enjoying their lives independently in a way you don't see in a lot of resorts. Also, tourism -- which started in Bali nearly 100 years ago -- has allowed them the flexibility to keep up the schedule of ceremonies, festivals and other events in a way that developing some kind of manufacturing, say, wouldn't have. I do get the sense the island has gone money-mad in a way it didn't used to be over the last year or two, and that this isn't necessarily all that good for people, but until then it seemed as if things were pretty well in balance.

    Where are you staying? It looks a lot like the hotel I stay at when there...

  4. I've enjoyed keeping up with your travels. I'm not so sure about the shoes, the button thing looks a bit uncomfortable.
    Sorry to read that the boys haven't been well. That stomach bug is cutting a path through the mountains.
    Enjoy the rest of your break.

  5. I'm lurking (delurking, finally) composing ie writing you an email (not sent) i'm desperate to make contact. cos i think you're fab. enjoy bali, her hosts and hostesses. sorry for small caps.. late and can't be arsed. signed emotionally unstable. trying (too) hard.. geez woman, you make me cry and laugh. love it!!!! life will go on and will be brilliant, with us in it! bahaaha! PEACE X

  6. What a vacation you are on! I'm beyond jealous and loving the pictures so I can live through you.
    It's always hard leaving the kids. You always swear you'll hug them and kiss them and never yell at them again. That usually goes out the window within an hour of returning home though. At least as far as I've been concerned ;)
    Can't wait to hear more! Love the shoes.

  7. Have a great time! The kids will still be there when you get home. And they will be yelling at you as soon as you walk in the door. :-)

  8. I can't wait to hear ALL about it -- Bali seems so 'exotic' to us -- but as you said in an earlier post it's a whole different approach for you guys -- I know what you mean though -- thinking about the places we visit and the uneasy power dynamic that happens in places dependent on tourism...

    And soon you'll be home and in your boys arms -- and we will SKYPE...and we will take it day by day and battle all those little battles -- but for now -- lay on the beach, soak up the sun...perhaps like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love you should visit a shaman? A medicine man?




  9. You really take the cares of the world upon your shoulders, don't you? I find beggars sad, sometimes, but generally figure they're scammers rather than truly desperate. Also, I would be happy that I was away if there was vomiting occurring at home! Of course, I've not left my girl for longer than a week ever. Today, I probably would, after she picked up some bad back-talking habits from her older cousins this week. :)

    Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

  10. This past weekend I had to step over people sleeping on the sidewalk. It was unsettling to me, not because I didn't want to see them but because I wondered how they got there. Were people missing them? Did they prefer that life? Our local paper did a series on the homeless. One of the men said he preferred it, he would get lonely but at the end of the day it was the way he wanted to live. I just wonder.
    My husband has finally convinced me to go on a trip with him. We're going to a village in England where he has a work conference. I'm already having anxiety attacks. I have 2 more months to spin like a top.In the end I'm sure it will be worth it and everything will all be fine but there are a ton of 'the sky is falling' what if's entering my brain.
    The best fries come from Idaho. : )


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