Saturday, 14 August 2010

America, I Salute You.

America, you don't have any burgers left. I ate them all.

I ate them from the Shake Shack and I ate them from Five Guys and I even sniffed them out from the Burger Joint at Le Parker Meridien Hotel over on 56th.


Australia just does not make that caliber of burger. I believe it's a combination of your potatoes (Idaho), your buns (perfect) .... and whatever it is you feed your cows coz the patties are ridiculous. And made to order. Perfection. I've put on five kilos - my tummy jiggles when I walk. Because we're around the corner from fricken Hershey World and M&M Land as well. Dave and I are eating and shopping machines. I hate myself but I just can't stop. You know when you overeat so much that you can't remember what it's like to feel hungry anymore? Yeah, I'm there.


So I wanted to be all Writer Writerly and write amazing vignettes and swooshes of words that amaze and delight, but I can't. I'm too scattered and jittery. And unorganized, driving Dave nuts. It takes a lot of energy to be a burger-guzzling-manic-inducing-tourist. We are SUCH tourists here! Looking up and making people behind us annoyed. Counting money at the till and then people bank up behind us so we just say fuck it and hand over another note, all the shrapnel untouched in our wallets. Gazing stupidly at all the buildings. Running up to random hispanics in burger places saying "Mate! I thought I had the best burger yesterday until I tried THIS. This burger wins my Best Burger Award!"
And they grin and tell me where the toilet is.

So many things have happened. I have learnt that my husband is a *teeny* bit co-dependant. Like, go away so I can miss you hon, PLEASE.

We had a big fight one day, I was crying and so upset. About the same shit we do at home - respect, child minding/domestic issues, who earns what money and at what cost to the other one's career because SOMEONE has to cook and clean and wash and parent and run the holiday houses but that SOMEONE doesn't get actually *paid* for any of that so apparently it doesn't count.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh yeah - NYC baby, all the way. We leave tomorrow. How am I going to say goodbye to her, this most beautiful Manhattan? I have grown accustomed to her face.

It's been a wild, hectic, fucking crazy ride. But I realised something today - I'm not changed forever. I'm still as fucked up as I always was. Still unkempt and sweaty and loud and gluttonous. Still constipated and hairy and not perfect. Not as good as I wish I was.

I guess it'll have to do.


I'm behind on emails, tweets, DMs, and smoke signals. I don't know why I blog. It's fucking strange. i can't think about how much I miss my boys so I try to push them out of my brain because it hurts too much.

Reminds me of Max's first day at school .... I didn't cry dropping him off, but when I picked him up later that afternoon, I bawled like a baby.

We fly out tomorrow ... to Bali. This is after another stopover in San Francisco - hopefully we'll actually *find* the Golden Gate Bridge this time, instead of finding the Bay Bridge and then wondering why it's not golden.

So that makes another four planes to travel on. What are my odds on surviving?

Goodbye. I can't end this properly because Dave is asleep next to me tossing and turning over the clickety of my computer keys while I'm typing....



  1. Why is there no comments to this? Maybe the comment section is broken.

  2. Nop. Not broken. #TOOSELFOBSESSED

  3. Meant "nope" not nop. But nop kind of works too. #threecommentsFTW

  4. I'm travelling in a plane back to Australia now. This may be the last time I ever type here .... goodbye, blogland. It's been real.

  5. You know...there's a 5 guys in my city, too. And my husband makes the best burgers. Our shopping sucks, but still. Just sayin'. ;-)

    I had to share this post with my Tim. You crack me up!

  6. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THERE WAS A 5 GUYS? I have never been to one! Also: I did NOT hang out with you NEARLY enough. That's BULLSHIT. I miss you already.

  7. so, which burger was the winner? shake shack? did you try 5 napkin burger? Mmmm, burgers.
    I am sad you won't be on my continent any longer. It was kind of comforting - knowing you were out a nearby state. Boo. :(

  8. Five Guys is my fave burger :). Made fresh, and the fries are fried in peanut oil, not that nasty vegetable oil. YUM!
    Have a good flight back home! I'm sure NYC will miss you :).

  9. You gotta blow up that first picture and put it on your wall. It is friggen hilarious. I think if it was me though, I would be holding up pizza...NY has the best pizza.

  10. Five Guys is the BEST - I even made up a song about them which I sing every time we drive past one. Wished I could have driven up to NYC to say hi - only 3 hours from here. Alas. The working-mother thing...

  11. Oh Eden I am SO glad you had a great time! Love ALL the pictures and ALL your words! Have a great time in Bali!

  12. Dave wasn't tossing and turning because of the clickity clack, it was burger overdose. I have had that after eating 5 guys.

    I am so glad that you had a great time. The next trip you make, I will sell something of BigD's for a plane ticket to meet you.

  13. Hi Eden! I'm SO glad you had such a great burger experience while in NYC. It was nice to meet you - I'm the one who you let cut in front of you in the line for a cab at the Hilton. So thanks! I made my flight and then spent 4 hours sitting in O'hare waiting for my connection. But at least I finally got home to my kiddos. Hope you had a safe trip home!

  14. Oh wow! U r a beautiful statue of liberty babe! So the burgers r better there in the USA hey! I'm sure u will get back to oz safe & sound & then off to Bali, wow! I hope u & Dave have a great time there. Stay safe & I'm loving ur from me, Alisa xxxxxx

  15. Now you know why we have the obesity problem here...delicious, delicious burgers. Every one you try is better than the last! Occasionally there's a bad one, which is terribly disappointing.

    I hope your trip to Bali is wonderful!

  16. Glad you've had fun and I hope that your return trip goes well.
    So funny about all the burgers. I also know that feeling of having eaten so much I have no idea what hunger is. I've lived at least the last 20 years of my life in that condition.

  17. We have Five Guys here in Ohio. Plus a couple local, well-known for their incredible food and signature burgers restaurants. I think you should come to Ohio next time.

  18. I am so hungry now. For a burger. A big, sloppy, juicy, covered with cheese, mushrooms, bacon and onion burger. Mmmmmmm. Time for dinner.

  19. Ummm, Five Guys. Now I want a burger instead of my leftovers for lunch...


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...