Sisturds.

My sisters are fighting.

Well, not really, but kind of. Something happened - there was a big blow up recently and things between them haven't been the same since. I used to *LOVE* when this happened when we were kids, because they were both falling over themselves to become my new best friend. Sometimes I had to actually choose and it was very hard, as I didn't want to hurt their feelings.

My sisters hurt my feelings a lot, growing up. I do not begrudge them for it one bit. Kids can be cruel, girls can be very cruel. And growing up in our family was akin to growing up in a warzone, with harsh words and violence commonplace.

Being a same-sex sibling of twins is probably hard in most cases, the amount of times I wished I was the eldest! Alas ... they are two years, ten months older than me. (I am taller, louder, and stinkier HAH.)



Linda and Leigh, born eight minutes apart in May, 1969. I love my two bitches. Blood is thicker than water. It's thicker than beers, Eccies at DCM in the nineties, and heroin. Blood is thicker than any dead dad, any hateful mother, any cancerous tumour.

You two are my blood. How are we all going to have ricotta hotcakes together? Meet in Shinytown with gold sandals? Line up all our kids for an arm-fart symphony? We are each a tribute to ourselves - did you know the four of us, including Cam, are all creative? Imagine if we had been properly parented, we would have overtaken the world by now.

Instead, we have all had to un-parent then re-parent ourselves.

Hey I finally figured out why we are so inappropriate, Mark Twain told me.

"Pain, not joy ... is the secret source of humour."

We are our own Kristy McNichols, our own Madeline Kahns, our own best David Royle impersonations. I love you girls, man. I love you men, girls.

We are not normal. You both still fart in the phone and think it's funny. (IT'S NOT, BTW.)

When I was younger, a question I continually would get asked was, "Who is your favourite sister." My answer was based on who was being a bigger bitch to me at the time.

It took me a long time to realise that they are two completely different people. Recently I have realised that they are noticing this too.

That's cool - it's good! I have red pubic hair, for goodness sake. I know what being different is!



::

One day, a few years ago, Linda and Leigh and their families were all staying up at my house. The three of us were making a quick cheeky shopping getaway one morning, but Leigh and I had to wait in the car while Linda ran inside to do ANOTHER poo. (Linda has toilet issues when she's away from her house. Constipation then roids, in quick succession.)

So me and Leg were waiting in the car; Linda swans out, jumps in, announcing:

"Man! I'm having a six-turd day!!"

Leg and I just lose it, *pissing* ourselves laughing.

And right there, on the spot, I made up the "Six Turd Day" song. Lyrics, medly, everything.

We sat, in the car, laughing SO LOUDLY that Dave came out and asked us what the hell was going on.

Girls, I love you. Let me love you. Let me - help you - love each other.

::

Marriage, kids, and step-parenting has taught me a lot. One of the biggest is that the people you love the most will hurt you the most. Because you love them. Then you forgive them ... and when they hurt you again you just forgive them again.

The only way I know how to fix this is to write the remaining lyrics to Six Turd Day, and sing it for you both. Us blood done gotta stick together - we may have been through a lot, but MORE LIFE IS COMING. It's freaking me out. Stupid life with its stupid twists and turns.



Now I'm off to google "How to get a recording contract and become an overnight sensation."

Oh look - I'm in the middle again. WHAT A SURPRISE.

::

Lyrics to Six Turd Day (Copyright, obviously)

When I have, those
Six turd days.
Makes the roids, come out to play
I wish they'd all just,
Go away.
When I have those
Six turd days.

(New lyrics I just wrote) -
Friends may come
Friends fade away
My sisturds
They're the ones who stay.
I need them close
Need them to play.
So we can have more
Six turd days

Bow-bah-dow-bah-dubba-dow-dah dow.

::

Umm, I think I just wrote my favourite post ever.