Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Not One

Last night, after a long day of hovering on the edge of anxiety attacks, I held Rocco close to me before I put him in his cot. He snuggled up, pressed himself closely to my body. I asked him:

"Rocco ..... are you a baby, or a big boy?"

It was his last day of being one. He looked straight up at me, paused for a second, then answered:

"Bart Simpson."

And went back to his cuddle.

(Swear to God that is exactly what happened. I was shaking with laughter).


Last night I was icing his cake, wrapping his presents .... so grateful and amazed that we have all made it through. Together.

Two years, man. A lot can happen, in two years. Rocco has had a gazillion presents and ran around and had a mini-party at his daycare. A bath with dad, his favourite meal for dinner (beef stroganoff) .... and extra dessert afterwards. He has four pairs of new shoes, remote control car, a Buzz Likeyou, and his most favourite present of all ..... a garbage truck. With a realistic BEEP BEEP that sounds when the bin is being lifted up.

And throughout it all I went inside myself, today. Annoyed the crap out of myself in fact.

Rocco said his first sentence: "I see you, daddy" ... at the dinner table. I nearly burst into tears.

My tearaway, my dictator. My patience-teacher.

I'm still learning all the gifts he gave me, this strong, stubborn, tough, eccentric, beautiful and brash little boy.


Two years ago I was shaking really badly from the shock of the pain of the c-section .... they hadn't given me enough painkillers afterwards and I was too embarrassed to ask for more. Until this one kick-arse nurse came on duty and demanded heavy drugs for me pronto. Two days later she took Rocco for me in the middle of the night. I bayed at the moon like a wolf, in that hospital bed. Thinking of Dave in his hospital bed, wondering if I would ever see him again.

But I did and we're here and it's cool.

Way cool.


Rocco sweet I'm sorry that your arrival into this world was clouded with such heaviness. Don't take it personally, mate. It had nothing to do with you. It's important for you to know, that some things in life have no ryhme or reason. At all.

In fact, I believe that you are the one who saved us all.


  1. You just made me cry. damn you.
    I love that little boy. I cannot believe that he is 2. I remember being in Israel when he was born... my girls just turned 6 months old at the time...i rushed to the computer to see how you and dave were doing. Praying for all of you.
    I am so happy its 2 years after the fact.
    I also cannot believe that his favorite food is beef stroganoff, what is he a lumber jack?
    Oh and Bart SImpson- best answer ever.

  2. Happy Birthday, Bart Simpson!

    (and to think, I was feeling a tiny bit guilty that my girl has found The Family Guy to be quality entertainment)

  3. Love it! Bart Simpson AND Buzz LikeYou.

    And, of course, your intact family celebrating this special boy's birthday.

  4. Happy Birthday little man!
    Much love to you and your mama, who is so very, very cool.

  5. Happy Birthday, beautiful boy :).

  6. LOL @ Bart Simpson! He is in a continuous state of adolescence, maybe it's a sign of things to come...
    Beef stroganoff? That's impressive, mine would pick french fries.
    Happy birthday little man!

  7. I can't believe it's been two years. Wow.

    That kid is so awesome.

  8. Whoa! I laughed (Bart Simpson) and then cried (imagining you in your hospital bed after your c-section) at this post. I'm emotional enough already, but this awesome post sent me for a loop.

    Happy Birthday, Bart Simpson.

  9. I remember what you said about Max's arrival -- and how in many ways he brought you into the world -- and Rocco too -- saved all of you.

    Powerful creatures -- push us to all sorts of limits don't they? Sometimes I find it absolutely terrifying.

    I also find it terrifying that two years can pass in the blink of an eye -- before you know it Z will be in college and I'll finally be able to come visit you.



  10. You had me all shaking with laughter at Bart Simpson and now I'm bawling.

    Oh, Eden.

    It's been a lifetime since that crazy time. His two year lifetime. Amazing.

    Happy Birthday, Rocco. I love you from far away. You have so many internet aunties who would tickle you breathless if they had the chance. Lucky kid.

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  12. Happy Birthday Rocco!! :-)

  13. Love this. Love Rocco. Love you.

    Happy Birthday, Bart!!


  14. Happy Birthday precious boy!

    Like Leo will save me.

    Thankyou Eden xxx

  15. The boy knows himself, eh?

    If you see graffiti around the house saying "El Barto", you know who did it...

  16. Sniff, sniff. Happy 2nd birthday, Rocco!

    Bart Simpson is priceless!

  17. Happy birthday to him. And congratulations to you.

    Now I will go cry.

  18. Happy Birthday to the little "Bart Simpson". Wow, 2 years old already.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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