Thursday, 13 May 2010

Blogging about writing about blogging. About writing. About blogging.

I've been blogging for three years. It's a hobby. An obsession - one of my favourite things in the world. It's equal parts narcissism and reflection. It's so damn FUN .... looking back, looking forward, and the best kind of blogging .... looking within.

Lately I have been telling more and more people that I have a blog. Only because they ask me what I "do", my goodness I hate that question. I was in a really bad place a few years ago and Dave dragged me out to a party. The guy next to me turned to me and said, "So, Eden. What is it that you DO?"

My reply, verbatim -

"Ohhhh, I dunno. Stuff. Eat. Shit. Things like that."

Nobody except for him heard me, thank goodness. I never told Dave what I said - that guy must see me in town and think "FREAK."

So I have started to tell people that I blog, because it gets me off the hook when they ask me how my writing is going. (My writing isn't going anywhere in a hurry.)

My motivation of starting a blog in April 2007 was to document my IVF process. And I ended up meeting all these really cool women, online.

Something has happened in me, since then. And I am about to sound like the biggest wanker in the world right now - but I found my voice. What is it about this medium that so enchants me? Maybe, it's that I can say whatever, do whatever. The options of what you can do in your blog are only limited by your imagination. It's so fucking creatively cool.

Personal blogging is not that big in Australia, yet. I tell people sometimes and they laugh, before mocking me. True. But I don't care ..... I have found life on planet earth to be extraordinarily cruel and hard, for a lot of the time. So anything that feels good and does not harm myself or others, is fine by me. I love blogging so much that I soon have to write up wills for both Dave and I, in case we die in a plane crash on our way over to BlogHer in New York in August.

Blogging through some of the worst times of my life has given me some of the best friendships in my life. I will always blog, hopefully even when my hands are gnarled and wrinkled like layers of cling wrap.

When Max was born, over eight years ago, I had to write my occupation on his birth certificate application form. Ummmm, loser? I wrote "writer." I knew I was an absolute fraud, and when we got his certificate in the mail, Dave scoffed. "What do you write hon?"


My secret is that ever since I was little, I have wanted to be a writer. My grandmother really encouraged me, always told me how well I wrote. At any school I ever went to, all of them - I kicked ARSE in creative writing, but failed everything else miserably. In my early twenties, it was the one thing in my life that gave me hope. I would think, "What if nan was right? What if I make it through this all, and then I can write?"

I get embarrassed when I get complimented on my writing. You know my theory on being a writer? Two things:
1) You must be a good noticer, and
2) You must be a good describer.

That's all. Just pick up the pen (keyboard) ... and write. It's that painfully simple.

These days, when I go to parties and get asked what I "do" ... I say I'm a writer. And I am. And there it is.

I recently decided to delete my old blog, forever. I hadn't poked my head in there for many moons, so I did before I bid it goodbye.

Oh the words. And stories, and all who I met.

I can't bid it goodbye! So I read through every single post - backwards. And edited it. Wow - do you know how many times you use the word "cocksucker" when you are blogging anonymously? A LOT.

I only had to take down a few posts, ones that, you know - people could sue me for. So here it is ...... Indisputable Topcat. It's like, a museum now instead of a lonely ghost town. I've disabled comments on it, mostly to eliminate the spam.

My early posts are cringeworthy - like a fricken Dear Diary. Poorly written and stilted, and all my dark past and early childhood dysfunction accidentally came out. But, I own it. One of the biggest and best things that blogging continues to teach me is that we all have stories. And fucked-upness. And very, very hard times. And love and hope and stinky armpits.


  1. I had to go back and look when I first found you...when I first commented. July 19, 2007, in case you didn't know that off the top of your head. :-)

    You have made me laugh and cry, reflect and rejoice, cheer and shake my fist at the world over these years--sometimes all within the same post! It has been such a priveledge to get the chance to root for you on the sidelines, my dear. I am glad I did find you.

    Much love and HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY!!!!!!

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  3. Blogging for me has become an exercise in "do what you love and good things will happen." My family doesn't put much store in it because I don't make any money. Real writing is the kind you get paid for, according to them. But I can't help feeling that good things WILL come from my wee blog. In time.

    I like your blog because it is brave and insightful, but also a good read. It flows well, you know?


  4. I am glad you didn't delete Topcat. I miss her sometimes but Eden more than makes up for it!

  5. Well, I blog anonymously, but don't find that I need to use the word cocksucker too often. I think that perhaps it has more to do with the author.... :)

    So glad you're doing what you love, and that you're not deleting Topcat. Now, I'll be off to reread some of the old stuff. Although I encounter a lot of cocksuckers in my day, I rarely get to call them that.

  6. I am totally going to go back and read through Topcat again - I am sooo lame, a little tear popped in my eye when I saw you say you were getting rid of it! Maybe I feel like part of me is back there, where I was when I "met" you, and part of me is here, and I was sad to think of TC leaving.

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  8. I'm so glad you didn't delete the old blog. I think no matter what it says, all of our old writtings tell a story about who we are and where we have been. :-)

  9. Well thanks for sharing......I am so excited to go read the secret blog. now, if I could just take teh day off work so I would have time to read it!!

    I am sure it will only make me love you more :)

  10. I read it all, from back to front today. I was waiting for the plumber to come (they were 5 hours behind schedule), so read from 6 am pst til 5 minutes ago (with breaks for food of course!).
    Thanks so much for sharing your old blog - I cried through a lot of your posts, and I laughed through quite a few as well.
    I am so glad that you're still writing. You are such a beautiful, honest person, and I"m glad you share yourself and your family with all of us :).

  11. But that's where you're wrong! Writing isn't painfully simple. And reading your blog is proof of how great writing and great story telling can be.

  12. Gawd I love this post. I could have written it.

    Since my blog makeover, I've had to go back over each post (I'm about halfway through 650) and it's quite an experience to relive the past 3 years.

    We are blog twins. I'm so excited for NYC!

  13. I'm so glad you blog Eden. You make life a little bit easier to take. Thanks for that!

  14. and what is crazy is that I *only* just "found" you. (& have been HI!) I had no idea you had a previous blog and so it feels oh so naughty to be able to read it. Like making a new friend and then going through her purse.

    I hope we can meet up at BlogHer!

  15. here through the Roundup...

    you're a great writer..that defines you for sure.


  16. My first comment was in May 2007! Look how long we have been BFF'S?

    You know, if you consider BFF'S who have NEVER MET in real life true BFF'S.

    I adore you. I was so upset when you blocked access to your old blog. I think you also had some of your best writing there. Very raw. very real.

    You have been missing lately. I miss you. come say hi on my blog.

    OH and come to israel?

    pretty please?

  17. My early posts from 2007 are all poop.

    I loved Topcat, and am glad you kept her around. I loved her excessive use of foul language, which I am happy to say is just as alive in Edenland.

    J would like to add "Wocco video!". I think in toddler-ese, that means he likes your Rocco video.

  18. Wow. You are opening up your life. You are my most courageous friend :)

  19. I love you, dear Eden. And you know how fond I am of cursing, but I have to say that getting to know you here after I started getting to know you as Topcat - well, it's been just beautiful. When I think about it, it just seems like you are really blossoming over here - bringing out all the truth in your life, which includes the harsh, the gentle, the sweet, the bitter, the stinky and the transcendently lovely. I am so glad you found your voice - and I am so glad I found you.


    (Oh, and I do xoxo's all the damn time now - because of you.)

  20. You.

    I've been thinking of you. After I wrote a post about my mother I went out and bought a book on compulsive eating -- and then ate compulsively because the book made me nervous hitting all the truths HAHAHAHA. I thought you would laugh at that with me :)

    I got goosebumps when I read this post -- you do that to me all the time...there's a power here -- your voice is powerful lady -- you are. And I? I am so damned lucky to have found Topcat -- I don't even remember how or why or through which blog -- but what kismet that I did.


    I'm feeling blue today so its nice to visit here and 'hear' your voice and be reminded of all the things I need to be reminded of myself-- and yes you are a writer -- abso-fucking-lutely as G would say.




  21. February of 2008 -- holy shit how time flies! I was so demure in those early comments :)

    And I found you through Louise...stepmothers-in-arms...

    This cheered me up immensely!

  22. I can't wait to go read it.

    And you are a writer.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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