Tuesday, 12 January 2010

My husband thinks "vagina" is a swear word. He can be *such* a penis head sometimes.


After a week of staying in an INTERNETLESS cabin I needed to get to a shopping centre, STAT.

The boys and I headed to a Borders bookshop/cafe, where you can choose from rows and rows of magazines and books, park your arse down at the Gloria Jeans Cafe, read, drink coffee, and walk out without buying a goddamn thing. (Except your coffee.)

I had just done a pump class, Dave was getting a massage. I was talking to Tim and Max, turned around to find Rocco standing up in his stroller just as it was tipping over. I put my leg out to cushion the fall ..... the handle caught my ankle and I keeled over in pain. Rocco was fine, I said some very nasty swear words. Tim and I looked down to find blood pissing out of my ankle.




I scalped my ankle.

Tim was SO impressed that I didn't cry ... I held up the big fat piece of skin that came off, and it made him gag. He's like, "Eden! That is disgusting but SO COOL! You could use that as bait and catch the hugest fish!"

I wrapped up the bit of skin in my Gloria Jeans napkin but Max came over. "MUM MUM SHOW ME!" So I showed him, and he was suitably in awe.

It was like they had Rambo for a mother.

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It is 10.32pm here, the last night of our holiday. We need to go home, be the boss of our own domain and our own remote control. We'll walk into our house tomorrow and marvel at it. You know how home is always shiny after you've been away for a while? And you promise yourself that you'll hold onto the holiday magic in your heart and slow down and live more and do heaps of things differently.

And it lasts for about a week - if you're lucky.

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The other day I used the word vagina in front of everybody.

Dave was repulsed and disgusted. This is the man who uses the f-bomb with wild abandon, CONSTANTLY.

He was so angry. I just laughed at him, then showed him my game of scrabble later. "Look! I made the word vagina and got 52 points! VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA."

He thinks I'm the worst mother ever.

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So much has happened. It's so hot. I'm sweating right now. We drove somewhere tricky the other day ... and used my new boring SAT NAV. (GPS). It was so bloody good. I sat there, shamefully realising the symbolism behind Daves gift. I will never be lost again.

I thanked him, he held my hand and said, "Hon, when are you going to start realising that I always got your back?"

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We all saw Avatar, before the hype around it started. I was thinking, why in hell would I want to see a film about flying dragons? But we all loved it. LOVE.

It has Spirit in it, possibly why it's connecting with people so much.

I brought my 3D glasses back to my MILs house for Rocco to play with, he couldn't believe his luck at actually getting to wear them. He put them on, got on my computer, and came up with some *AMAZING* mathematical equations.

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NERD

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All the boys have discovered spear fishing. So now I stand on the beach forlornly. A spear fishing widow. I have no mofo interest in spear fishing ..... I can't even swim in the water tank at home for fear of sharks, for goodness sake. I really was the loneliest vagina in all the land. At the holiday park I saw other groups of women all holidaying together with their husbands and kids .... I wanted to skip over and make friends, like I used to as a kid. Remember how easy it was to make a friend when you were a child? By the end of the day you knew everything about each other.

Mental note: be less of a social retard this year.

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Now it's almost midnight. I must go and put antiseptic on my ankle. Then creep into bed and hope Dave doesn't wake up, I accidentally promised him sexy love time, but changed my mind.

Don't spear fish and expect to eat your cake too, sunshine.

XOX
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