Monday, 23 November 2009

I may be the only female in my house but I sure can grow some hair.

Dave, Tim, Max and Rocco were all waiting for me in the car. I jumped in, looked down at my legs, jumped out, shouting "HANG ON I'LL BE STRAIGHT BACK."

Dave groaned, I shouted over my shoulder "Shut up! I always wait for you yet you never wait for me ..."

Ran back inside and searched for my razor. The weather is so bloody awesome, we were all going to the beach ... as soon as I shaved the Amazon forest off my legs.

In a panic, I did something I haven't done for about 20 years .... a dry shave.

Ran back to the car in record time, slammed the door, off we drove to Sydney.

My legs felt a bit tingly.

By the time we got down there, they were covered with a mass of welts, so itchy and so sore all day. I limped around, whimpering and complaining like an idiot.

Dave teased me mercilessly about my ingenious dry shave. In the car on the way home, I needed relief so bad, I slathered them with Rocco's nappy cream. Bad idea, it stung like a bitch. So I used his wipes to wipe the cream off.

White pain. Oh the agony.

Yelling :"YEEEEEEOOOOUUUCH. What the fricken frick!? These are supposed to be GENTLE. They are for BABIES BUMS."

Daves retort: "Yeah, well hon ...... Rocco doesn't dryshave HIS ARSE."

I'm pretty sure the boys laughed all the way back home.

Max: "Even Rocco is laughing at you mum!"

Me: "No, he's only laughing at you laughing."



  1. Ha! I took a picture of my leggy forest the other day while lying on the waxing table waiting for the beautician to come back and pondered tweeting it. I decided against it - too scary.

    I know what you won't be doing again in a hurry!

  2. Lotion is the key! If you must shave on the fly, slather a little hand lotion on your leg and then shave. It works amazingly well. I found this out the hard way when I broke my heel and was forced to live with out proper showers and only had baths with my foot in the air. Oh that was fun. You should have seem me mopping the huge kitchen floor with a cast on my leg....had to drag myself around on the floor like a paraplegic. Not pretty.

  3. Ah. The dreaded dry shave. Can I tell you how many times I've jumped in the car and realized I'd done everything but that little, unforgivable detail?

    And you know I ~love~ it when I run around like a maniac dressing literally everyone but myself first. And then, as the only adult female, dressing ~me~ takes longest of all. So inevitably our en masse departures end with everyone waiting in the car for ~me.~ Which really ticks me off. Last one in's a rotten egg, my arse. Mike sitting in there, barely having broken a sweat to get the troops out the door, looking all very shit-together, while I scramble just to look like the one who's holding everyone up. As if.

    Diaper cream? Oh yeah. That stuff is harsh. I used it on myself once too and GEEEZUS. No wonder it wasn't helping Dylan's evil, persistent butt rash.

    Thanks for the morning laugh.

    Thinking of you.


    D. was here.

  4. Oh yes, done the dry shave. Although I don't usually get the mass of owie bumps. I like searching's idea. Might have to try that.

  5. Thanks for the giggle! You poor thing!

  6. Ouch! I used to be master of the dry shave...the key is not to press too hard. But lotion hurts like a b*tch if it has alcohol in it. Yeeouch! I hope your legs are feeling better now!

    Can't you get a girl cat or something? You ARE a lonely vagina!


  7. You made me laugh!
    The good thing about living in Canada is that I don't have to shave my legs for 5 months because no one sees them. Well, my husband does but too bad for him.

  8. Dry shavin' the arse. Oh, how I laughed. Well, you won't be doing that again anytime soon. I'm going to go and moisturize right now.

  9. Ouch. I've gotten so lazy that I only shave about every 2-4 weeks when my husband is coming home. Now he's going to be gone for 4-5's going to get ugly around here!


    - Love,

    your middle eastern friend.

  11. Youch! What the hell were you thinking Eden?! Never dry shave...and I mean NEVER!

  12. I can't reach my legs at all right now. Wonder if I can persuade hubby to shave for me. That is too funny - but god I can just imagine how much that would have hurt!

  13. Why on earth did you think that was a good idea?

    Hair conditioner. In the shower. Soft silky legs.

    Remember that.

  14. It's like pulling that hang nail. You do it every couple years and swear you'll never do it again!
    Then you sit there banging your head against the wall saying, "stupid, stupid, stupid!"

  15. I haven't dry shaved in a long time, either.

    Vivid memories of adolescent rashy legs prevail :)

    Also, my hair is transparent, so half the time I confess I am too slack to bother.


  16. Oh the pain! And then into the ocean? Aauugghh!

    Glad to hear you aren't shaving Rocco's arse...

  17. Dry shaving hurts like a mutha'. Of course, I am a dirty hippie who only shaves once every month or two.


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