"There is no failure here sweetheart ..
.. just when you quit."
.. just when you quit."
- U2 "Miracle Drug"
Back in October, I signed up for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month, where you are supposed to log in a minimum of 1600 words per day, to end up with a book by the end of November.
I failed. I can't do it.
At first I was full of the familiar contempt and disgust I have for myself ... but you know what? Fuck that. Fuck it! Let's celebrate our failures, I say. The people who actually finish NaNoWriMo need failures like me, to make them feel better about themselves. You're welcome, NaNoWriMo winners. Enjoy.
I was thinking about all the things I have so far accomplished during November, there's actually quite a lot.
- Cooked 24 dinners for five people
- Sacked a shitty therapist ... and even made an appointment to see a new one. After I thought to myself, nah, I'm fine now. (I have been thinking "nah, I'm fine now" ... for over a year now.)
- Walked out to the veggie garden for the first time in two years, shouted out to Dave "HON! THESE WEEDS COME UP TO MY THIGHS!" He couldn't believe I only just noticed.
- Weeded said weeds out of the entire garden, in two days. Is there anything more satisfying than pulling weeds out of a garden? (Maybe cleaning your ear out with a cotton bud.)
- Cleaning my ears out with cotton buds.
- Cleaning Max's and Rocco's ears out with cotton buds. Also snipping their toenails and fingernails, washing their bumcracks, and hugging them almost daily.
- Getting up for Rocco approx 4 times every night because he had manflu. And feeling love instead of rage.
- Noticing the tears in Dave's eyes when he came back from quoting a job in a childrens special needs home and told me all the perspective it gave him.
- Eating a whole big box of Guylian chocolates for dinner the other night, secretly.
- Pulling out the empty box from under my desk right now to spell Guylian correctly.
- Realising that I may be The Lonely Vagina .... but when I am happy, everybody's happy. It's like I am the Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor.
- Instead of yelling at all the boys for lining up the empty toilet roll holders in the bathroom to look like a shooting game at a carnival AGAIN, I laughed and took a photo to post on my blog.
- Writing a facebook status update about how hungry I am lately and maybe I have wormies. Then thinking about that at 2am in a panic ... who writes things like that? IDIOT.
- Discovering steamed dim sims at the Chinese Restaurant. Dave and I can not BELIEVE we have lived our whole lives eating deep fried dim sims, when steamed taste so much better. Oh my God.
There's a lot more. There's tons of stuff I've done ... we've all done. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
We should all celebrate our failures, as much as our success. Our failures and our fuckups, each as mundane and profound as the other.
Again you had made me laugh.I beat you on being the best fuck up.Lets see what I did for the month of Nov,,oh nothing.I havent cooked a single meal thank god for fast food,I made my bed for the first time in about 2 months.I quit my job woohoo.I shaved my legs and arm pits once this month,,ok I'm done but you crack me up so glad I ran across your blog :)
ReplyDeletegod Eden you are a breath of fresh air for me these days. thank you for sharing your most vulnerable self. I love reading what you have to say.
ReplyDeletehugs
Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor...I think you should have business cards made!
ReplyDeleteIf I were to sign up for NaNoWriMo, I would just be typing Fuck 1600 times in a row. OK, maybe I'd throw in an occasional Fuck This. Shakespeare I am not.
I'm sure Max enjoyed the bumcrack washing. 8 year olds do seem to love it when Mom comes to help with their bath...
I believe I will order myself a large box of chocolates for Christmas. Thanks for the inspiration!
"Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor"
ReplyDeleteThat job title would look fantastic on a resume :).
I managed a whopping 682 words for the NaNoWriMo challenge. I think it's about 3 paragraphs of my prologue. 50,000 words is an ambitious goal. Apparently for me 1,000 words is an ambitious goal. I might keep typing away at it, but I foresee slow going...
ReplyDeleteWhat an absolutely fantastic post. Wormies and toilet rolls and chocolates that I can't spell. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteYou could always do the 3-day novel contest next year. Just three days of madness and then it's over. None of this whole month business.
Oh, and I agree with aryoukiddingme - you should definitely get business cards made.
Posts like this are why I love you. You go all in for wholeness, blending polar opposites.
ReplyDeleteAnd this? "Getting up for Rocco approx 4 times every night because he had manflu. And feeling love instead of rage."
This takes more than writing a silly novel.
Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor.
ReplyDeleteI need that on a plaque in my kitchen.
Is there anything more satisfying than cleaning out your ears and checking what you scored?!
ReplyDeleteWhy are we so hard on ourselves when living is what we're doing -- and there's a lot of work in there.
ReplyDeleteI love the toilet roll post the most because I spend a LOT of time harrumphing -- about the endless fart jokes, the endless wrestling and bum-showing and eating with their hands and then -- sometimes I just get my head on straight and realize that this is living -- they are joyous and raucous and filled with crazy messy life -- not to be tamed -- for what purpose? Would I really admire W more if he sat up straight and never ate his noodles with his fingers? *Sigh* They have a lot to teach me.
You do too. Thank you.
XO
Pam
Hey, at least you signed up! Me, I just thought about it. Maybe next year. Or not. Right now I am too busy living. Sounds like you are too. :-)
ReplyDeleteI fail at a good 70% of the things I try to do. And by 70 I mean 85%.
ReplyDeleteI have done the facebook status thing many times - usually after too many drinks. Then I'd wake up in a dizzy, drymouth fog in the middle of the night (morning) and stumble to the computer hoping nobody had read the stupid thing I wrote and quickly delete it.
ReplyDeleteI bow down to you oh Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor.
November is always a huge month of failure for me too. Thanks for this perspective! I'm celebrating with you babe.
ReplyDeleteI'm so tired; I want this comment to be more but I can't get there. Know that I love you.
XOXOXOX
Flicka
Without the bitter taste of failures, our success wouldn't be so sweet! Of course we don't LIKE to fail, but we are human, after all and failure is a part of us. I say celebrate and learn from them.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
Just attempting NaNoWriMo is an acheivment in my book. I thought about it but thats as far as I got. I bet yours would be good though....
ReplyDelete"Lonely Vagina Overlord of the Manor"
ReplyDeleteLMAO!
You forgot playing me at Facebook scrabble and emailing me lovely comments on my blog photos! You're a star. And who the f*** has time to write 1600 words per day? Sheesh!
ReplyDeletePS - save the toilet rolls, put them in a tray, fill them with seed raising mix, plant your vege seeds in them then when they come up put the whole thing into the vege garden (the now weeded vege garden!)
I would never, ever have been able to do a post a day. I feel guilted already enough that I squeeze out one post a week to avoid BlogHer's email saying, "So, we've noticed you haven't posted lately..."
ReplyDeleteAnd then guilty I get backed up in blog reading and comment on 7 posts at once and miss shit going down in people's lives.
But I'm really just enjoying my family and friends, working hard, and trying not to think about my shitty broken body all day. Is that so wrong?
Wow. 1600 words a day? I could never do that.
ReplyDeleteI failed this month at coming up with a blog post every day. And oh well life goes on. Besides some failures end up being a success of a different kind.