I told him I could see him, so he stood up, going "Awwwww!!" Like he was a kid and I'd just found him during a game of hide and seek. He left. (I don't know how ... crawled out of my ear?)
Coincidentally, I woke up this morning feeling better. It probably has more to do with me shining the light on my shit this week, but I think I should apply for a job at my local church as an exorcist. As soon as I find out where my local church is. Is God still a Catholic?
I'm still shocked at how low I actually went. Told Dave I have not felt this bad since before I got pregnant with Max, eight years ago. Reluctantly I have started the hunt for a therapist. The kids have suffered a bit, what with mum being a total NUTJOB for a while, so I must bite the bullet and do it. I'll bring her some popcorn, maybe some cushions to get comfy. (Thank you, thank you, for your comments and emails. I've tried to get back to everyone ... thank you, anons.)
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So, here is the pic of what happens in my house when a hole gets made in the wall. How did the hole get made? Well Rocco pulled off the plastic cap on one of those sproingy things that kept his door from banging into his wall ... so his door banged into his wall and the handle went through the wall.
I will never know who actually banged the door so hard ... one of life's great mysteries. All I know is, they saw their fuck-up and tried to make it look pretty, at least.
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I picture us around BBQ in twenty years time ... all the boys will be grown, so I can finally find out the answers to this stuff that nobody ever admits to.
so glad to hear that you are feeling better. OMG, you guys are very creative, good job redecorating
ReplyDeletePS: I will try to get into my brain in my dreams and tell my demons to go away too
I'm glad your feeling better. Good luck finding a therapist you don't want to bludgeon to death. I've hated every one I've ever seen.
ReplyDeleteHAAAA! HA HA HA! That wall repair is awesome. I think you should leave it like that forever.
ReplyDeleteGood luck finding a therapist. I have a really awesome one - want to come here and I'll hook you up with her?
Also, I would hire you to exorcize my brain anyday.
Mwahahaha. Love the photo.
ReplyDeleteCome redecorate my place :)
xx
g
PS. Not a therapy kinda gal, me, but probably because I'm too blunt.
Those naughty little boys! Yes in 20 years you will find out ALL sorts of things. Some you probably won't want to know.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're feeling better. I hope it stays! Sending you LOTS of love and peace, hon!
*HUGS*
Eden - Great dream. Could the clown have been Sad and you confronting it made it run off? I've got my money on that interpretation.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, doesn't a good dream do wonders for one's daytime outlook. I just wrote my new post and came over here to find you're dreaming the blues away too.
ReplyDeleteHooray.
:o)
That thing hanging out of the hole is freaking funny.
ReplyDeleteSo very glad you are feeling better and looking to make yourself feel even better yet. Hugs to you.
I love it! Demons leaking out your ears! Fantastic image. I'm glad you feel more settled. And God will be Catholic until the Vatican has to sell off all the Michaelangelos and marble. Then you'll know that things have gone to hell. Or the Baptists. Or whatever.
ReplyDeleteThe repair job is priceless. It definitely made me laugh!
Mwah. If I could cast you a spell to find the perfect therapist, I would. PT instead. I feel your pain a bit. It's like blind dating, isn't it? You you might find your soul mate or even a good match right out of the gate, but more realistically you end up kissing a lot of frogs first -- just when you don't have the inner resources for a lot of interpersonal BS. From someone who thinks they are qualified to work on you. It shouldn't be so hard. If they give you any trouble, I'll send the one-eyed indian down to take care of them for you.
ReplyDeleteAs for the hole in your wall, I just patched the very same hole here. Those sproingy things are choking hazards, so when we moved in while DS2 was a baby, we removed a lot of them. But then we got busy with life and never replaced them with the childproof versions. Eventually, the heavy garage door punched a nice knob-sized hole in the wall behind it. I finally patched it a few months ago. Haven't re-painted the wall yet, but at least I feel slightly less trashy now.
XXOO
I love when dreams are so clear and powerful and rich. And that dream was ALL ABOUT you shining the light on your shit - your powers are legendary, and now I find you are a real live exorcist? Too awesome.
ReplyDeleteThat is truly the best example of impromptu home repair I've ever seen. Too bad it is a little too similar to the way we do things for real in our house.
So good to hear you;re feeling better. I hate the darkness and struggle often to find my way back to the light.
ReplyDeleteYears ago my mum found toothpaste on the livingroom ceiling and asked my brother and me how it got there. I had no clue and my brother said he didn't know either. My mother blamed me because I had giggled when asked, making me the guilty party in her mind. It wasn't until years later that my brother admitted to the toothpaste/ceiling mystery and I got a reluctant apology.
I'm looking forward to the confessions my boys have years from now.
Oh my god. We have the same damn hole! Except all three of mine each blamed each other...I will have to wait for the BBQ too I guess :)
ReplyDeleteQudos for the therapy. I finished my second session today. My brain is fried. He asked questions that I didn't want to think about. What a shit. And I am paying him to do it.
Sometimes this shit is just hard.
ps..yes god must be catholic. all the nuns told me he was and they wouldn't lie...right?
ReplyDeleteSince I grew up with a gaggle of brothers and sisters, we fought a LOT.....once my mama made the mistake of leaving us home alone and my older brother threw a glass baby bottle (stone ages) and made a hole in the wall. We all knew death was sure to come when she got home, so we moved all the furniture and put a bookcase in front of the hole. She was so proud of our teamwork! YEARS later she moved that bookcase and wondered aloud where that hole could have come from! :) We finally told when we were too old for her to kill.
ReplyDeleteI love you and that picture is cracking my fat ass up.
ReplyDeleteOh...boys! But yes, you will find out MUCH later on as my mom did. There are still things she doesnt know. LOL.
ReplyDeleteCountless nights have been spent sitting around my in-laws dining room table with them plugging their ears saying "we don't want to know" while my hubby and his sibs talk. Somehow I know this is in my future too! Bet yours too.
ReplyDeleteI have been a terrible commenter lately, I apologize.
ReplyDeleteI think of you often, wishing I could be there to give you some hugs or take you out for a massage or karaoke or bake you some cookies or something. Our boys could roll around together while we sip coffee and eat Vegemite on toast. (is that how you are supposed to eat it?)
I struggle with depression too sweetface...its not just you. Life is hard. Life is confusing. Men stink. Emotions are overwhelming. It all seems too annoying sometimes. You have had so much to deal with. Be gentle with yourself! Thinking of you..
XOXO
Keep working on you hon. Keep working on feeling better and getting those demons to leave. You've got a long and full life ahead of you with so much to enjoy, to look forward to. Don't give up on that great future.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love
Pixxiee
I really like my therapist. Today we spoke about my crazy ex boyfriend. What I love about therapy is the ability to be able to talk ONLY about yourself. That to me is awesome.
ReplyDeleteWhen my sister was 12, the hundred dollars in her piggy bank went missing. She was the only saver among the five of us, and she blamed my brother for years, as he was the bad boy. It caused longstanding bad blood between them. 10 years later, when the youngest sister went to Rehab, we learned that she, at age 6 had stolen the money and used it to buy candy.
ReplyDeleteIt's always the one you least suspect ;). Rocco maybe?