Last week, Dave had organised a dinner party. I asked him, what was he going to make for it? Of course we both knew that I would do all the cooking. And I did - the morning of, I was putting together 45 gourmet meatballs, rolling them while feeding Rocco his brekkie and tying Maxs soccer boots up. Then, I baked a wholemeal berry cake with cream cheese frosting, and cleaned up a bit. Then, Dave informs me that he had cancelled the dinner.
Tim looked at me, looked at Dave, and wisely stepped out of the room while I asked Dave a few questions - like, who the hell was I cooking for then??
All of Dave's good mates were coming up, and he canned it because he was too stressed.
Cancer has knocked Dave around, more than he will ever admit to. It's usually ME, doing the friend-push-awaying, and canning plans. (My sisters call me The Flake.) Dave has not been himself, since, oh ..... 14th May 2008. He's deciding a lot, thinking, planning. He's not happy.
I think it's good. He needs a big life change - cancer gives you new glasses to view the world. He has only put his on now, a year after the diagnosis.
I love Dave very much. Finally I deigned to take his call today. (He and Tim have been Away). He said he missed me, and I snorted. But he meant it, and I miss him, so the housesitter is organised and soon I shall be Away too.
This morning Max begged. "Mum! Please, please can we NOT have meatballs for dinner!"
I've eaten a piece of that damn berry cake with cream cheese frosting every fucking night this week. Sometimes two pieces. It's like I have bulimia without the vomit.
Dave hasn't been here for his usual 5am bottle duty for Rocco. I do my deepest sleep from 2am - 6am. Max has gleefully been allowed to sleep in with me all week. Now, I don't remember doing this but it's definitely something I would say .. Max tells me that this morning (at 5am) I told him that if he gets up and heats Rocco's bottle to 50 seconds and gives it to him, then I will give him seven thousand dollars.
So he got up, did the bottle, and will now tell me I owe him seven thousand dollars every single day until I die.
Told Dave I bought a new Trivial Pursuit. Silence. Then:
"But you always win."
"Well hon .... I can ask you the kid questions, so you're in with a chance!"
Taking my computer Away with me. So going to blog while I'm there.
I hate 5am bottle feeds.
Just then, I checked my emails to find my sister has sent me footage of a female nude skydiver. The camera panned over her lady parts, as she was falling through the air .... I won't describe what I saw, but the title is called: "WAT.CH THE TA.CO FL.UTT.ER."