Sunday, 19 July 2009

Each Day a New Beginning

"The problem is not merely one of woman and career, woman and the home, woman and independence. It is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off centre; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh (From the book "Each Day a New Beginning"- Daily Meditations for Women)

I've had a profound weekend. Spiritual, even. There have been long walks, cloudless winter skies .... and the rock solid bonding with Rocco. Down on the floor I've actually played with him. Let him linger in his high chair after every meal, both delighting in each other. Looking - really looking at him, and talking and laughing.

I have not hurried him once. Ever since he was born, I seem to forever be putting him down. Trying to get him settled on a blanket, on the floor, with toys in his room, or it's bedtime now. Don't disturb mummy .... she is busy freaking out.

Sadly, he still ABHORS nappy changes, almost as much as nose wiping. Sometimes he wrestles his legs through the air, I'm holding them up trying desperately to wipe all the poo off but it's too late he's got it everywhere. I've even said to him, "DUDE! I am doing you a FAVOUR! Stop kicking me!!"

Hard baby to wrangle, this one. (The Force is strong, in this one.) Except for this weekend .... where, instead of crumbling and wailing like I thought I would, I have doted and loved and nuzzled. And he's nuzzled me right back. My status update on Facebook says "I think Rocco likes me!" And I mean it. I think he likes me ..... oh my Lordy, I think I like him back.

This morning he was getting stroppy in his seat, so to soothe him I started to sing "You Are My Sunshine". (This is one of my favourite songs ever.) Suddenly, I had a flashback .... two weeks before he was born - before we knew about Dave, Rocco went batshit in my tummy. I sang that song to him, and sat down, rubbing my belly, to calm him down. It worked then and it worked this morning. It felt like, a click of the fingers ... like no time had passed since I sang that song to him the first time, as he kicked in my belly. Feeling all the love and hope that you usually feel, before the birth of a child. Today I felt all the love, streaming straight from my heart to his.

He is fourteen months old today. Getting more steady on his legs every day. He can say "dada" "mama" "na-na" (banana) and "ni-ni" (night-night). He could start a booger factory ... the boogers I wrestle out of his nose resemble pieces of chicken, they are so big. This tough babyman guyo is the favourite in his daycare. All of his carers adore him, all scramble to tell me about his day when I go pick him up. He really loves it there, and starts to laugh when we walk in there, so excited he is to play with his friends.


The tricky thing about my family is the constant juggling, making sure everybody's physical and emotional needs are met. And the boys all have such varying ages - 17, 7, and 1. All at different stages of development. And then there's work and stress and money and cooking and stress and marriage and recovery .... it's hectic. Keeps me honest, though.

I've felt like time has stopped, a little bit. I can rub my eyes and truly enjoy the moment. I went to a meeting this morning, Rocco sat on my lap for almost half an hour and kept resting his head on my shoulder. He's never done this, before. I think he's dissed me as much as I've dissed him ... but we are now coming together, starting to realise the other is pretty cool. And funny.


I'm updating my blogroll. If you read me, and would like me to read you, please let me know. If you have left a comment lately and I haven't replied, SORRY! I'm so sorry. Life overwhelms me very easily ... I go to comment and write a few and then something else happens. I do try and catch up on reading ... and when I DO comment, I mean it, it's not just some drive-by. I have one of those updating blogger blogroll things .. sometimes a few fall through the cracks, but it's usually pretty effective. Are you supposed to comment back to every single comment you get? What is the protocol?

Look! Rocco found a severed arm to play with! -

Don't look too closely ... you will see ... ummmm, chicken *ahem* smeared all over his nose -

"Hmmmm. Corned beef is tasty, broccoli not bad ... all in all, a pretty good dish Eden. You might just make it through to the next stage of the competition." -

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