Sunday, 19 July 2009

Each Day a New Beginning

"The problem is not merely one of woman and career, woman and the home, woman and independence. It is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off centre; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh (From the book "Each Day a New Beginning"- Daily Meditations for Women)

I've had a profound weekend. Spiritual, even. There have been long walks, cloudless winter skies .... and the rock solid bonding with Rocco. Down on the floor I've actually played with him. Let him linger in his high chair after every meal, both delighting in each other. Looking - really looking at him, and talking and laughing.

I have not hurried him once. Ever since he was born, I seem to forever be putting him down. Trying to get him settled on a blanket, on the floor, with toys in his room, or it's bedtime now. Don't disturb mummy .... she is busy freaking out.

Sadly, he still ABHORS nappy changes, almost as much as nose wiping. Sometimes he wrestles his legs through the air, I'm holding them up trying desperately to wipe all the poo off but it's too late he's got it everywhere. I've even said to him, "DUDE! I am doing you a FAVOUR! Stop kicking me!!"

Hard baby to wrangle, this one. (The Force is strong, in this one.) Except for this weekend .... where, instead of crumbling and wailing like I thought I would, I have doted and loved and nuzzled. And he's nuzzled me right back. My status update on Facebook says "I think Rocco likes me!" And I mean it. I think he likes me ..... oh my Lordy, I think I like him back.

This morning he was getting stroppy in his seat, so to soothe him I started to sing "You Are My Sunshine". (This is one of my favourite songs ever.) Suddenly, I had a flashback .... two weeks before he was born - before we knew about Dave, Rocco went batshit in my tummy. I sang that song to him, and sat down, rubbing my belly, to calm him down. It worked then and it worked this morning. It felt like, a click of the fingers ... like no time had passed since I sang that song to him the first time, as he kicked in my belly. Feeling all the love and hope that you usually feel, before the birth of a child. Today I felt all the love, streaming straight from my heart to his.

He is fourteen months old today. Getting more steady on his legs every day. He can say "dada" "mama" "na-na" (banana) and "ni-ni" (night-night). He could start a booger factory ... the boogers I wrestle out of his nose resemble pieces of chicken, they are so big. This tough babyman guyo is the favourite in his daycare. All of his carers adore him, all scramble to tell me about his day when I go pick him up. He really loves it there, and starts to laugh when we walk in there, so excited he is to play with his friends.


The tricky thing about my family is the constant juggling, making sure everybody's physical and emotional needs are met. And the boys all have such varying ages - 17, 7, and 1. All at different stages of development. And then there's work and stress and money and cooking and stress and marriage and recovery .... it's hectic. Keeps me honest, though.

I've felt like time has stopped, a little bit. I can rub my eyes and truly enjoy the moment. I went to a meeting this morning, Rocco sat on my lap for almost half an hour and kept resting his head on my shoulder. He's never done this, before. I think he's dissed me as much as I've dissed him ... but we are now coming together, starting to realise the other is pretty cool. And funny.


I'm updating my blogroll. If you read me, and would like me to read you, please let me know. If you have left a comment lately and I haven't replied, SORRY! I'm so sorry. Life overwhelms me very easily ... I go to comment and write a few and then something else happens. I do try and catch up on reading ... and when I DO comment, I mean it, it's not just some drive-by. I have one of those updating blogger blogroll things .. sometimes a few fall through the cracks, but it's usually pretty effective. Are you supposed to comment back to every single comment you get? What is the protocol?

Look! Rocco found a severed arm to play with! -

Don't look too closely ... you will see ... ummmm, chicken *ahem* smeared all over his nose -

"Hmmmm. Corned beef is tasty, broccoli not bad ... all in all, a pretty good dish Eden. You might just make it through to the next stage of the competition." -


  1. Glad you've had a good weekend. It sounds wonderful. He is such a cutie.
    In that taking care of everyone stuff I hope you are taking care of you too. It's so easy to forget yet so necessary.

  2. It sounds like a wonderful weekend. I am so glad you two have found and are enjoying each other. :-)

    "You are my sunshine" is one song I sing to the boys. It calms them, too. It always makes me cry when I get to the "please don't take my sunshine away" part. It takes me back to the day I sang it to Jason in the NICU when he had had the seizure and had to be bagged for far too long. Traumatized much? Bleh. Anyway, it is a special song for me.

    Didn't mean to be a debbie downer. Sorry!

  3. I'm so glad you're enjoying Rocco as much as he is enjoying you. I'm even happier that you two have "found" each other. It's a beautiful relationship we have with our sons.

    I was a bit traumatized by my mom's death and didn't pay enough attention to Zilla. I remember being the mom who would run in the rain with him. I lost that for a bit, but I've got it back. I sing that song to him, as well. It holds a special place in my heart and always will!

  4. I love these discoveries you have, such beautiful moments. Enjoy every moment.

  5. Such varying ages is right! You are in three completely different stages of boys lives and you are living to talk about it. I consider that a success. :)

    I find that on some days I am the dog and other days the hydrant.

    Boys will do that to you.

  6. I change the last line of that song to "always my sunshine you'll stay". The Little Guy loves it too. Sometimes it can be so hard to connect with them and it's really lovely when it happens. The floor is good. So is going slow - must remember that.

  7. I had a lot of things to say, but the dimple distracted me.

  8. The food critic picture is priceless!

    It's always good to step away from your (OK, my) usual self and realize how much fun children can be. When you let go of your schedules and plans and just go with it - well, you'll find all the laughter and joy in the world there.

  9. This morning I went to pick up Sam from the church nursery (where he stays so Sarge and I can enjoy the service in peace) and the carer fro the week described his diaper change to me. She had to call in another woman who was passing by to help hold him down while she wiped his bottom and got him cleaned up. "Um, yeah." I replied sheepishly. "It's a two man job at our house, too. Sorry!!" Good thing they love my boy.

    Sarge sings "Sunshine" to Sam. It's what he always sang when Sam was screaming from reflux. Unfortunately it never worked like it does on Rocco.

    Samster says hi to his partner his cute. And now I must go force my child to nap...hahahaha, like I can actually accomplish such a feat!


  10. This made me cry. I smiled when I saw your Facebook status...and was so pleased to read this. You are finding YOUR way my dear. Setbacks come and you deal with them as you must - and share the pain they cause you. But then you tell us about how you love Rocco. And I can just see you are healing up and moving on.

    Love your work :-)
    Pixxiee (and peanut, or mini P)

  11. Rocco sounds like as much of a fighter as Xavier. I pretty much have to wrestle the little man to get a diaper changed. Those two would be quite a pair! I've also found that the less I try to be a certain version of the perfect mom to my little guys, the more I am able to just BE with them. Mothering comes so much more naturally then, and the bond is so intense that it makes me tear up! "You are my sunshine" is also a little song that soothes my little guys! As for the commenting, well, I don't usually respond back, but I do follow along on that person's blog and post comments. I hope that works in bloggie etiquette, but honestly, I have no idea! Follow along my crazy story if you get a chance cuz my life is turning upside down (o.k...that may be a little over-dramatic!)

  12. God he looks like you in that first photo.

    And I love your title - it really is, isn't it?

  13. The picture of him peeking down at you is divine...the dimples!!! Ohhhhhhh the dimples! I want to stick my nose in them. Is that weird?

    Ragu = jarred tomato sauce.
    Tell me how you convert measurements, what are ya..metric? i could do it for you....
    yea right, no I couldn't I suck at math

  14. He is such a cutie! And there's just something very calming about that song. I sing it to Emberly before bedtime every night.
    I'm glad you're finding your way and enjoying your boys.

  15. I'm just catching up myself! You KNOW I want to be on your blogroll......I also want to have one of the ones like you have, but can't figure out how....Ah, so challenged, I am! :) You sound great! I'm so happy.

  16. "You are My Sunshine" is the song I sing to Ellie every night before bed. She's now old enough to sing along with me. I love it. Especially when she says, in her high, sweet voice, "You'll nevah know ,deah!"

  17. I am glad that Rocco hates snot extraction, too. My twins screech when they see a dreaded tissue coming to retrieve snot lollies.


  18. Your son is as lovely as his mama.

    Sounds like a sweet getaway you've got going on. Can't really think of anyone who deserves it more.

    I saw that facebook update you mentioned and it made me smile.


  19. Heh.

    "Twittered. Twit. Turd."

    Just noticed that.



Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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