Monday, 1 June 2009

A Post to Get the Previous Post Off the Top

Once I swallowed the small gold cross my grandmother gave me for making my confirmation. It came out in my poo. At that moment, I knew I was going straight to hell.

When it comes to parenting, I have no fucking clue what I am doing. Usually winging it. I know I will fuck my kids up ... hopefully not too much, not enough that they need therapy.

I have needed LOTS of therapy. Oodles. I knew something was wrong when I was twenty years old and just wanted to die so badly. I went to this therapist who took down my entire drug and alcohol history, which took two sessions. I never went back, because (quote) "My depression has NOTHING to do with how much booze or pills I take." (!!!)

Around that time, I worked in an ice cream shop. The uniform looked like aqua pyjamas, so mortifying. I was stoned every shift, spun out and freaked that I served this strange sweet goo for a living. Slowly. Ve-ry slowly.

My twenties are a rich minefield for stories. Sometimes, I have sat with my sisters and they say "Tell us a story." And I tell them something so preposterous, so terrible, so outlandish .... we get the dog-whistle laughter going at some of my atrocious predicaments. Can't believe I made it through alive. If I ever wrote a memoir, I'd have to disguise it as fiction.

I went to pump today and pumped it So. Hard. I just want to kiss my guns right now.

Tonight I taught Max how to melt chocolate in the microwave. After he sat there and had licked his plate clean, he solemnly said: "Mum thank you so much for telling me this. I will never forget it." Just as gravely I turned to him and said, "Max, you are so welcome my champ." Then we turned back to the television.

Spoke to both my sisters today. After reading my post, Linda rang up, laughing, saying ... "Is somebody a widdle bit tired??" And Leigh was all with the tough love: "Fucks sake Eden, this baby is one. Not a four-month old - he should not be crying like this. Are you going to do something about it or still be talking about it when he's two??" I LOVE my sisters. She advised me to throw all of his dummies (binkies) out ... so I did. The liberation. I'm reclaiming my parent power - when he wakes in the night I've been scared of him! No longer. I even gave him his bottle before he went to bed, no more bottles in bed. He cried (actually, hollered and howled for an hour before falling asleep.) I may be in for some tough nights, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to do the crying it out thing, I know it's the only way. If I go in there and soothe him, he just cries louder.


I feel better. Thank you. I emailed everyone who left a comment .. it's my new thing. If you ever want to email me, it's edenriley at gmail dot com

Feel free to de-lurk, anyone. Especially if I know you in real life *cough* (Because IP tracker programs are pretty amazing now and they show actual address of people visting blogs ... as in, streets and towns. Who knew!)

I'm getting a new tattoo. Maybe a Boab tree, maybe a singing bird in a blossom tree. Any suggestions?

When Dave got home tonight, I excitedly told him about the power reclaim, the dummies in the bin, etc. He told me this was not a good idea, shouldn't he have a say in it.

A SAY IN IT? WHY? He doesn't get up for the screaming child at all! What is this "say in it" of which he speaks??!!

Suddenly, I thought of a much better place to stick Rocco's dummy. Starts with D and B and ends with aves umhole.


  1. Screaming baby for hours is enough to push anyone over the edge ... then add in the life you are living right now, I am amazed you get out of bed every morning! I wish I could come visit with you for a few hours and take over so you could have some "you" all alone time"

  2. When I first started CIO with my now 13 month old, my husband fought me on it so hard. He's European and I'm American, and he just was never raised to let a baby cry. He would call his mother and she would say "Oh, dear. I NEVER let you cry". But like you, my husband was not the one getting up at all hours of the night, so I did it my way. Two nights later, my little boy was sleeping a solid 11 hours at night and he's never looked back. My husband stopped fighting me after that.

  3. I haven't commented lately because I have lost my sparkle -
    but I read every post and send you good thoughts and hugs every day.

    I want a new tattoo tooooooo~!!!
    I recently got the letter N with a red star on the end tattooed on my inner ankle - it sometimes looks like an N and it sometimes looks like a shooting star - and Mr. Nate will always walk with me. Next I want a turtle, cause I love turtles and slow and steady wins the race.

    I think you should get a tattoo of a big fat hot flaky BISCUIT, dripping with butter.

  4. You have got to let him scream it out. I did that from when the girls were 6 months old, and 90% of the time, they sleep through the night now. Yes, it sucks in the beginning, but a good nights sleep is within your grasp.

    meanwhile, where is my email eden (guest blog post *cough*)? Ahem.

    I know you love me
    *wink wink*

  5. You are a braver woman than I am! I didn't get rid of the binkies until Nae was 2 1/2 and Zilla was over 3! I always caved when we would have them cry it out, but eventually I'd do it. It's hard but SOOO worth it! You're doing a great job!
    P.S. Cracking up over the cross in your poop and you going to hell because of it! I love it!!!

  6. Cracking up. At this:

    '(Because IP tracker programs are pretty amazing now and they show actual address of people visting blogs ... as in, streets and towns. Who knew!)"

    And the cross.

    And the guessing game at the end.

    Glad the clouds parted. Sisters are wonderful. I would TOTALLY read your "fictional" memoir.

  7. The cry it out method works but it's not for the faint of heart (and you me dear, are among the strong hearted). hee hee, Dave wants a say? Only those who have to deal with the consequences get to have "say". Silly husband.

  8. Just catching up on you sweetie. Oooh some tough days, but out of those tough times come good decisions. And yeah...tell Dave if the dummy fits, wear it!

    Hang in there. And Max and the chocolate - just gorgeous!

    Thanks for your email too. Love ya.

  9. I love that you labeled the post "aves umhole." Hahahahaha! Awesome. Just simply awesome.

    I prayed for you last night. I'm glad today is a better day. Cry it out is tough but it does work. Three weeks from now when you're sleepling the beautiful sleep of eight-hours-uninterrupted you'll be congratulating yourself and wondering what to do with all your extra energy. Your life will be a freaking tampax ad, you'll be skipping through feilds of flowers and singing.


  10. I read all of your posts still, I am just terrible about commenting. I still blame it on fucking Blogger.

    I don't know how to melt chocolate in the microwave, but realistically no good can come of me having that knowledge.

    Your brother is hot as can be. If I were in England I would beg you for an intro. If he ever moves to the States, I plan for you to be welcoming me as your new sister in law in no time.

    It's so hot here, I wish our winter were starting. hot, sticky, vaguely depressing.

    I just started following you on Twitter. I'm a little slow.


  11. I am so glad it's a better day.
    I think just having a plan is helpful, whether it works or not. I have everything crossed that it works for you both.

  12. I read that last line and just about spit out my RedVines! (what? you don't read blogs while eating licorice?) Too funny! :-)

    You sound so empowered! I love it!

    P.S. We only had to do the CIO method for two nights. Mind you, that was because my husband had a say in things in the first place and brought the boy to bed with us, so that really does make you one step ahead of me because you have sense enough to NOT let your husband have a say in things, but I digress. It really does work. Be strong.

  13. Dave wants a say - how cute!

    Yay for sisters and their tough love, and yay for you taking back control.

  14. i am de lurking to say i admire you for throwing out the dummies ;) i'm just not that brave yet!

  15. Oooh, I like the idea of where to put the dummies. If he doesn't get up with the baby he doesn't get a say in where the dummies go. I hope the next few nights aren't too bad but that he soon is sleeping better.
    I'm planning my next tattoo right now too. I think I might have it figured out.

  16. My husband got worn down by being fucking tired and caved. SO now rather than getting up at 5.30 am when the babies think it is party time, they sleep until seven.


    Also, what IP tracker? Just wonderin :)


  17. 'aves umhole' LOVED IT!!! Well not the actual physical 'it' but the whole concept of shoving the dummy up there!

    Also - last posted thought that 'fuckedupness' is a brilliant way of explaining life. Thank you for that - shall use it myself!

    Hope the 'control crying' doesn't send you over the edge. It's a hard slog but worth it if you can persevere.

    Re the cancer. It's now been...9 years since my dad had leukeamia. So I guess 8.3 years that he's been in remisson. He still gets all those 'sick' feelings when it's time for a blood test or bone marrow. I can't imagine what it is like for him, cause for me - it sux.

    So - I can only imagine how if feels for you every time someone asks you and you do get a YEEHAH reaction when you say the R word!! The R word is FANTASTIC! How dare people not rejoyce loudly and proudly!

    Hugs my friend

  18. "Free speech not only lives, it rocks!" -Oprah Winfrey

    Eden likes quotes, especially using them while attempting to silence people. But I ask you ... a blogger who censored anonymous posts, then allowed them again, then invites people to de-lurk (or should I say challenged them)??? That's called flaming.

    All proof that Eden does indeed find it easier when she's got someone to blame (another quote, I admit it)

    So here's what you've been BEGGING for Eden - someone to blame, and you hate the fact you don't know who it is ... all that talk about IP tracking is just that, talk.

    Anyway, my mission has already been accomplished. Eden has been writing more honestly about her life for a while now, and that's great (believe me, if it was just knitting, she'd have nothing to worry about and nor would we).

    And ladies, react, I dare you, but remember I know Eden better than any of you.

    Hasta La Vista baby, I'm closing the book.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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