It was a fully-fledged panic attack.
What caused it? The thought of another night living in Screamingland.
I haven't had a panic attack like that for eight years! I'm strangely proud of myself, and immensely relieved it wasn't my heart.
I've changed my method, and now sit next to his cot. It took an hour to put him down tonight ... he wasn't crying, just kept looking at me, making sure I was still there. So I guess that's what I'll do from now on. He needs to have some good, big sleeps, the poor guy. I took his nappy off tonight before his bath ... you'd think I would have learnt by now. Familiar grunting noises led to me running over to him and neatly catching the massive poo. In my bare hands. Max stood there in disbelief. I said, Max .... these are the kinds of things you do when you are a parent.
Max said he is NEVER going to be a parent.