Thursday, 21 May 2009

Wee Thievery, and Other Fluffy Tales

Tonight, Rocco did a big wee on his carpet, approx 1.2 seconds after I took his nappy off. He sat there, trying to pick his wee up. Naturally, he couldn't pick his wee up and grew increasingly agitated. I made matters worse by mopping up said carpet wee ... he started hollering at me, all like, "MUM! I made that wee! I wanted it that wee was miiiiiiiiiiine!!! How dare you take it my WEEEEEEE!!"

As Dave was driving in the car, I had weird gas pains in my tummy. Not wanting to make a big deal of things, I hunched over and made big noises like I was about to die. "What's up, hon?"

"Ohhhh. I'm ok. I think it's just my non-hodgkins lymphoma."

We both laughed at my repulsive, dreadful "humour."


I have the house to myself, utter bliss. Noticing myself doing things like: walking around in my undies, eating half a banana while staring blankly out the window for a full nine minutes. And then listening to Kings of Leons latest album ... LOUDLY. I have a real sense of myself again. How YOU doin??


My friend is coming up on Saturday night, for a sleepover! Woot! Have not had a sleepover in years.


Just them, I caved and cut a big fat hunk of leftover chocolate birthday cake. Half walked back to the couch and thought .. who am I kidding? Walked back and cut a second big fat slice, put it on the plate next to the untouched first big fat slice, and THEN sat down on the couch. Then ate them both, hunched over. I eat like a CAVEMAN when no-one is watching.


Sometimes, my stepson and I are watching TV, and he tries to really irritate me. Silly noises, wild hand gesticulating, farts in the middle of my favourite show .... I warn him.

"Mate. If you don't stop it, I will talk to you about tampon ads again. Remember what I told you about heavy flows."

Silence descends on the room, like magic.


The next day, however, he gets me back. Walks up to me and looks intently at my face.

"Eden. No offense, but you really need to pluck your nostril hairs."

He leaves the room, I run to the mirror, and gasp at my nostril hair.

And curse God for giving me so many frickin' man features. Do you know how painful it is to pluck nosehair? That shit HURTS.


  1. "Do you know how painful it is to pluck nosehair? That shit HURTS."

    How come you can't just trim them? Don't they have a tool for that?

    How 'bout electrolysis? :)

    Tim really sounds like he belongs with you guys. He sounds like he fits.


  2. Funny about Rocco trying to pick up his wee. And laughing my ass off at you talking about tampon ads to Tim. That's good. Sorry about the nose hairs. I'm sure it does hurt. Way worse than all the chin hairs I have. I just hope that someday when I'm old in a nursing home and senile someone shaves my chin for me.

  3. "Not wanting to make a big deal of things, I hunched over and made big noises like I was about to die."

    Hahahahahaha! You're hilarious!

    Stop stealing Rocco's wee.

  4. I love that feeling of coming back to yourself...

    It's such a fucking gift, isn't it?

    Nosehairs --- hahhahahaha.

    Yes, that HURTS -- I know, um, from experience...I like to think of mine as long and blond and dainty...


  5. "Ohhhh. I'm ok. I think it's just my non-hodgkins lymphoma." LMAO! Actually the whole post had my cracking up! I LOVE having a few moments to myself, if nothing else to walk around in my panties. Why is it that it is SO liberating?!

  6. Those tampon ads gross me right out, and I'm a chick. On a boy-man?

    genius strategy mate!


  7. Thank you. Thank you for being the wonderful you that you are and making me laugh out loud several times while I read this. I SO needed that today! You are amazing.


  8. Teenage stepsons are shits aren't they!? If the tampon ads ever lose their appeal just start talking about birth! Makes mine run a mile!

    I love the comment
    "stop stealing Rocco's wee"

  9. "Do you know how painful it is to pluck nosehair? That shit HURTS."

    Yeah, I know. You ladies are all like oh, we understand pain, childbirth, yadda, yadda, yadda.

    Now you know the kind of shit we have to go through!


  10. Ahahahaha! Eden, I am laughing my yankee ass off right now. You. are. awesome! I love that you pretended your gas pains were cancer. That is so something my family would do. I love you. MWAH!


  11. Wow, Max! The muscles! I'm swooning! And Rocco, trying so hard to tell your story. Such a sweet boy.

    I love you vids, Eden. Keep posting all the old ones until you find your camera cord. (Crazy thought, have you looked under the seats of the car? I find the strangest stuff there.)


  12. You need a nosehair trimmer. I forced Mr S to use one years ago.No plucking involved.

    When I am home alone, I eat mounds and mounds of crap food. I'll eat a whole bag of chips dipped in onion dip in one night. Wretched.


Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

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