Sunday, 12 April 2009

Public Toilets YUM!!

If the boys give the baby any more chocolate bunnies, I may have to take him to an audition of Baby Biggest Loser.

Camping is HILARIOUS. Truly. We are in a caravan park, which is like a mini-city. Unfortunately, we are two tents up from the biggest, noisiest, chainsmoking-est alcoholic FUCKWITS known to mankind. So Dave and I have worked out a system, where I put in my earplugs every night and he throws a pillow at me when the baby wakes up. Then he takes the morning shift …. but I end up getting up anyway, because I know how much Dave loves mornings and itches for me to get up with him. So I do.

Max is so big now. When did this happen? I’m trying to reconnect with him as much as I can. We went in the dance competition at the club last night – he taught me the Macarena and the Birdie dance, I taught him the YMCA and the Nutbush. (Ahhhh, Nutbush. The memories!)

Then he went in the limbo competition and won some lollies …. every single time he went under the stick he looked at me – every time he goes down the water slide the same thing – he looks up for me, to see if I am watching. I wondered how often he has looked up, this past year – to see if Dave or I were watching him do something. They say the squeakiest oil gets the most grease ….. the baby is the squeakiest oil in town, where my sweetheart boy Max holds it all in and goes about his day quietly. I’m very anxious, lately …. and last night spun out that somebody had snatched Max from his tent. I had to get up and go check on him, watching him breathe. I could not ever bear it if something happened to him.

And the stepson – my bonus firstborn child? He is in his element. Bossing his dad around, playing with Max … I proudly taught him his new favourite pickup technique.
“Mate, chicks LOVE seeing guys holding small babies.”
It so worked. Sometimes he actually stops and says, “Wow, it’s like, you’re not a normal stepmother!”I say, “Mate – I’m not a normal PERSON.” It is so amazing, to have know this guy since he was seven, watching him grow into a man.

My Davey Gravey is loving it. Despite being in pain from tearing a muscle in his back, he’s holding up well. Got a four-wheel drive to take his ute on the beach – (somebody asked me recently what a “ute” is, I think you call them pick-up trucks in America) ….. and after his initial disdain at camping right in the middle “Of everybody, hon. Chrissake!” … he is talking of staying longer.

Rocco’s teeth are breaking through daily. He is growing up before our eyes. My sister Linda told me to be careful of dingoes in the tent. Then she thought for a moment. “Actually, the dingoes better be careful of Rocco.”

Too true.

I have a restless spirit, which is irritating the hell out of me. I need my head to shut up, but alas all the tools I used to use to do that are illicit and not conducive to rearing healthy children. (Just ask me and my siblings.) Damn. I’ll have to go in the Karaoke competition tonight (PRIZES). Maybe a long, long run. Ten coffees a day. Or a punch in the head. Chrissake.

I think I know what’s wrong …. it’s this time of year. Rocco turns one next month (!!!!!!) Which, of course, coincides with the Great Cancer Fiasco of ‘08. I’ve found myself turning to Dave, looking to make sure he is healthy. Absently wondering how big his tumours were, this time last year. And we didn’t even know.

That he is even still here …. that he gets to celebrate the baby turning one – is such a magnificent gift. I hate how I lose the plot over stupid and trivial things, and have to claw my way back to the Zen mother and wife I want to be. I wish it came easily to me, but it doesn’t.

How cool does this look:

Unfortunately, it is not our campsite. It is our neighbours. I have seen them looking over at us, with a hint of disdain in their eyes. They even sweep their fake grass first thing in the morning. They talk to each other quietly, waiting their turn with respect. The mothers hair is smooth and glossy.

Here is the Rileys Trailerpark campsite:

Note the empty easter eggs boxes, lying where they were thrown! The "drying up rack" for the cutlery and pots - aka the grass, and the baby chewing on something I can't determine right now. He was crawling around in just a nappy this morning. Then grabbed the drain from the water tap area and started SUCKING on it. It was too much, even for me. I grabbed him, Dave’s all like, “He’s fine, hon.” I was all like “It. Is. Dis. GUSTING FUCKS SAKE.”

I really did say "fuck" in front of the baby. And the neighbours. And snatched the baby away to put some clothes on him.

Zen, I tell you.

Oh my - I feel SO much better after writing this! Now I'm off to find the tallest sand dune I can, stick out my antenna arm, and hope it I can post it. Happy Easter, my Bunnies! I hope you are all ok, living your lives out there. If you are not, you should totally come camping with us. It's better than the Comedy Channel. XOXOXOX


  1. Ok, it looks like fun. Especially with all the mess. Your not supposed to be neat and tidy while camping. Glad you're having a good time.

  2. If I could camp next to you guys, I might consider it. But then I think about public toilets and am happy that I don't camp. But it looks like you're having an awfully good time!

  3. I agree with battynurse, camping is suppose to be messy! No sweeping or glossy hair, that's INSANE! Glad you're having a blast! tell those boys to slow down a bit, they're growing up WAY too fast!

  4. I have to say that my campsite would probably look a lot like yours! (and thankfully it doesn't look spider infested--a huge plus)
    Ha... the pristine campsite looks like they are having a horrible time.

    I totally get what you mean about the time of year triggering stuff in your head. Sending you love and strength to help you kick the cancer demon's ass. He (why do imagine the demon as a he?) doesn't belong here anymore. Okay? I know, easier said than done, and who the hell am I to say this when I have trouble in this area myself. Sigh.

    Much love to you as always...

  5. I love your campsite, it looks like so much fun !

    Dingoes and sandunes are you on Fraser island ? I am so jealous if you are !

    Happy Easter Eden and have fun. xxoo

  6. I only go camping if I have tha backup of a hotel for showers and bathroom activities ;)

    But for you?

    An exception,



  7. You are a better woman than I! The mere thought of sleeping where bugs crawl and having to share a smelly toilet and for microwave. Well, it might just kill me.

    Maybe I could spend the days with you and hop to the hotel, the one with clean sheets on a real bed, at night.

    I understand what you are saying about the time of the year bringing memories/flashbacks. My mom has been gone almost 19 years and this time of year always takes me back. It gets worse the closer to May that we get. Dreams, flashes of depression and images that were burned into my brain somewhere....I completely understand.

    Take a few deep breaths, love all your men and for godsakes girl, keep the drains out of the baby's mouth ;)

  8. I would so go camping with you and I can guarantee you that I would not be caught dead sweeping my campsite. My only nod to cleanliness while camping is bear-proofing, which I don't remember being a problem on my one camping trip just south of Sydney. Although the fucking night of living possums still makes me shudder every time I remember it.

    Doesn't look to be a problem in your civilized campground, though.

    So glad you're having a good time!

  9. How long are you gone for!? Camping, bugs, dirt... oy

    I love the difference in campsites, you probably also have a whole lot less cash involved and certainly a shit-ton more laughter!


  10. We went camping in tents once. I just need a real bed! And a bathroom I can call my own. Too old I guess! :) Have fun and just chill!

  11. 1. I'm always next to the loudest drunkest mofos in any given area. Always. Grant me the serenity...

    2. The only thing I can do to get my head to shut up sometimes (that isn't going to kill me) is sit in a shitty plastic chair in some church hall and listen to other people talk sometimes.

    3. I absolutely love Easter in Oz. Four day weekend. Warm weather - can't beat it!

  12. That's awesome. Every bit of this is exactly why I love you so very much.

  13. Just popping in to say I hope you are swell. Thinking of you.

    Loved this post. Camping at the beach is the best kind of camping, says me. Love that you converted Dave to it. Max looking at you, Max the unsqueaky wheel (DS1 is just the same! Quiet and easy yet breath-taking). Laughed my arse off about the dingoes. Wow, a whole year of Eden!! Yet it feels like I've been reading you for years. Can't imagine the net without you.

    Oh. And fuck disdain. Some people are always giving themselves a medal.



Write to be understood, speak to be heard. - Lawrence Powell

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...