Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Fickle Me This ..

The baby is getting looked after by strangers today. Frankly, I'm disgusted .... at myself.

Words can't convey the relief and utter freedom I feel about him starting daycare this week. My four-celled embryo. My much, much longed-for baby ... my tough lil man guyo who has had such a big, big year.

Here I sit, in a cafe, looking at Peaches Geldof twitter photos while I send out my resume to magazines - feeling more free and alive than I can last remember. It's mortifying.

To be fair, I distinctly remember feeling this way when Max started daycare too: I was thirty, he was 14 months. I dropped him off, drove home, and chain smoked all day, blaring Eminem and lip-synching to the beats. Ahh, those were the carefree days, in the shitbox house - things seemed so much simpler then. Why is it so?

Rocco started yesterday. I finally got him into a place two days a week. Which will probably go up to three days, once mummy gets a proper real-life JOB. (Dear Job Fairy ... help.) It's his second day today, the centre operator rang me at lunchtime, making me panic. "Oh, don't panic .. I'm just ringing to tell you he really is having a wonderful day. We all love him, he's such a cute baby."

Then, she proceeded to tell me the best news ev-ah ..... "He's so great ... he's the favourite already." I don't believe in favouritism - unless it's being directed at my sons, heh.

I was so proud of him that I cried when I got off the phone.

No more newborn stage.


I can't believe I wanted him for so long and yet I was so giddy at offloading him. I tried telling Dave how I felt. His response?

"Ahhhh, just put him in every day now, hon. He'll be fine."


PS If anyone flames me about this post, don't. I've had bad PND, which I think has been the the biggest factor in feeling so good about daycare. Until you walk a mile to the cancer clinic in my size 10 cowboy boots, you can go fuck yourself.

PPS I just "pretended" to take a photo of my computer (yes I was on Facebook but it was only quick I swear) ... but I actually took a photo of the guy across from me in the cafe. It's fuckin' Billy Joel! I didn't know he was in Australia!

(I don't think it really is him - but the resemblance is uncanny).

EDITED TO ADD: Oh how I raced to pick him up! The reunion! The love in the room! I can't wait to spend the next few days with him.


  1. That guy looks like Billy Joel to me!! You sneaky girl taking that shot like that! LOL! I remember my youngest in day care and how she screamed when being left in their care! It's soooo tough. Tougher on us I think! Let's hope he continues to be a favorite and that Mom gets that job she wants and needs! Blessings, Lisa

  2. He DOES look like Billy Joel! That's funny. No judgment here. Goddess knows I've done many things one could judge me over. I hope you enjoy a little YOU time. It's a good thing.

  3. Just the conundrum of motherhood...I remember going out after procuring our first babysitter. I was dizzy with excitement to be toddler free for an evening (yes, it took me till he was a toddler..I AM pathetic). Once we were out, all we could talk about was him, I all could think about was him and I wasted the whole free evening hoping he was ok....and ironically, I think he was thrilled to be away from ME!

  4. WOW! I thought that was Billy too with his fat bald head and all.
    Sweetie, you totally need a mental break once in a while. It's even better for Rocco, he needs to socialize with other babies and adults. Anyone who thinks you are a bad mom for sending him to daycare and go stick an icecream cone up their arse!
    Love always,

  5. Disgust? Please don't feel that! I wanted my boys more than I've ever wanted anything, but I'm ready to hand them off to the first person that wants to take them. Sister wants to take them for a day? Be my guest! Someone I just met at the park wants to hold one? Sure! And while you're at it can you watch them while I run back to my car for something? (No joke, but in my defense they're in my Moms group.) Daycare a few days a week sounds like an utter dream! Sometimes you just need a break or some peace and quiet to do things.

  6. Who says we are better mothers for spending all of our time with our children? I don't leave my girl with a sitter much, but I do work, and she's at daycare. She likes it, to an extent - so many little boys to boss around. Right now, she's staying home with her dad while he's on vacation. She likes that too, but she's constantly asking to go and visit the neighbors, because she needs additional social interaction. Kids love their parents, but they also need to break away from them sometimes.

    It does look like Billy Joel!

  7. Social interaction for Mom and baby - separately is good for the soul. Don't feel guilty. Plus, of COURSE he is the favorite. He is the favorite here in blogland too. Cuz he is fucking adorable.


  8. Breaks are GREAT! Did you sk Billy to sing you a Song? My request would be Uptown Girl!

  9. Billy Joel!!! You were Facebooking four feet away from Billy Joel! He never shows up in my part of Greenland. You are the coolest.

    Dude, I SO hear you on the daycare thing. I love my son and OH how I longed for him lo, these many years. But yeah, we need to be apart too, for small increments of time. I think it's good for both of us. Daycare is not prison! Formula is not rat poison! We're good moms. And you're right, coming back after being gone makes things so much sweeter. I could just kiss Sam all day after being out those few hours. I fall in love with him all over again.


    PS~ Your gratitude at the end of the newborn stage made me laugh. I feel the same way. No more screaming all day and night! Yaaaaayyyy!

  10. Congratulations! I saulte your new groove ... or old, re-tooled groove ... :) and selfishly, I believe your extra free time will lead to more blogging.

    Of course, we expect nothing less than Rock Stardom from the golden boy ... son of Bono.

    This is how much you are preaching to the choir ... it took me a good long while to figure out why in the world someone might flame you for this post.


  11. Geez Billy times are tough huh? Resorting to internet cafes in the Blueys now? What happened to the wireless connection in your 5 star hotel room?

  12. You know what they say... distance makes the heart grow fonder!

    Best of luck with the job hunting!

  13. A day off sounds fantastic. Hope you enjoyed it and it maded picking him up that much more of a happier event. Good luck with the job search.

  14. Love the photo!!!! (of the bottles I mean - not of Billy! LOL! Although that was very clever!)

    Take Care

  15. Day care is a necessary reality of modern life. I know it sucks to drop them off and I have moments of guilt as well, but it’s not the 1950’s anymore. In most cases both partners have to work in order to maintain a lifestyle that children are ultimately going to need. So don’t beat yourself up about the day care thing.

    Another thing. Zach can put on quite a show when we drop him off sometimes - tears and clinging and wailing. But as soon as we’re out of sight, he’s quiet and happy. Kids are manipulative little critters, so don’t get sucked into that show.

    We started a new day care and it’s fantastic - lots of outdoor space, male carers (which I think is a good thing), vegetarian food (so I don’t worry about him not eating vegetables at home) and walking distance from home and Sinead’s work. He’s better off there interacting with other kids than he would be at home with one of us for a lot of the time.

  16. That is SO Billy Joel!

    I felt like shit getting a FT job and sending J to day care- and now I feel powerful, earning money and contributing to the household. I secretly think I made a crappy SAHM.

  17. Yeah, maybe with your disabling PND you should consider not getting knocked up anymore. Not even by Billy Joel lookalikes.

    Everyone has challenges. Way to face yours! At least your child is safe.


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