Stupid rats .... they tell me what an arsehole I am, sometimes I believe them, it's taken a lot of re-parenting to be as fucked up as I am today. You should have met me before! (Bada-boom bada bing I'm here all week try the veal it's delicious!)
I'm behind in commenting - woefully, ashamedly behind. I sat on the couch today, could hardly move .... and it's just a stupid bad cold, I think. Dave came home early from work - with flowers, and made me chicken soup! Then took Max for a drive! He's so getting lucky when I feel better. I love it when we are both on the same side together. I watched him chopping the coriander.
"Seriously mate .... *cough* how the HELL did you get through chemo?"
He paused. "I have no fucking idea."
Sometimes I suck as a mother. Totally, unbloggably suck. Badly. It's so hard to be there for everybody. I think we all screw up our kids in some way, just different degrees.
And the baby, gah. I can't believe how I can hold him and stroke his little head and watch him do things .... and want to know him. I seem to have let his first year slip by without knowing that much about him. This is painfully true.
What do you call a woman with no guilt?
A man.
Oh - AND Rocco Balboa has a BLACK EYE. On Sunday, he headbutted the step to our sunken living room. Then, he stood up in his high chair and almost fell out, crawled up on top of the coffee table, then came very close to choking to death on a piece of popcorn. He was struggling for air, it was awful. The instant it became unlodged and he took in a deep breath, thoughtful mummy squeezed water down his throat. So he was choking, spluttering, and crying ... all with a black eye. Dave took him and calmed him down - I sat down and put my head in my hands and said "JAYSUS!!!! Is this guy even going to make it to 18???!!!!"
The next day I had to take my bruised baby to check out a new daycare. It crossed my mind that they will take better care of him than me.
I was buying groceries, the check-out operator goes, "Wow, look at that shiner!"
"I know, it's terrible, I feel like people think I punched him."
He laughed and laughed, and said, "Seriously, who would punch a baby in the face? I think it's cute how they always hurt themselves. You should see my brother, he's covered in cuts and bruises."
I felt so much better.
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